All the FMLs

Not a good start

By Anonymous - 03/09/2022 04:00

Today, I accepted that I've fallen in love with someone completely amazing… but they live over 3000 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 199

Crisis

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 20:00 - United States - Milford

Today, the same person who tried to OD, threatens suicide monthly, and threatens to off people almost daily, called the state police on me because I had a PTSD episode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 139

Just dependa things

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 120

Never let your guard down

By Nanana32 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Hudson

Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 339

You deserved it 6 195

Infrastructure

By Ahmed - 02/09/2022 18:00

Today, it's the sixth day since the VDSL cable connected to my house was cut off by a truck driver. It's now the third time this month, and last time it took around 17 days for the internet provider to send someone to fix it. I've already spend $50 on internet just to be able to work over the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 86

I want to break free

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 19:30 - India - Delhi

Today, I realised that I still don't know what to do with my life, since my parents have taken decisions for me my entire life, and are forcing me to a field of study which requires enormous amount of dedication and years, which I have no interest in, but still have to do because I don't know what else to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 547

Toxic waste

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 06:00 - Europe

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 441

Three's a crowd

By Kimberlie - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 082

You deserved it 4 971

Never comment on YouTube

By ITisaSnitch - 02/09/2022 04:00

Today, I was at work and commented on someone’s YouTube video that they sounded “so white” when pronouncing “Tacos Al Pastor.” I didn’t realize I'd used my job’s Google account to post the comment. Someone flagged my comment, and our IT department told my boss, who then fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 2 079

Feedback

By Coco - 02/09/2022 05:30 - India - Noida

Today, an interviewer kept me waiting for 20 minutes at reception, then marked me "late" in his feedback. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 293

You deserved it 82

Memory hole

By George - 02/09/2022 00:00

Today, me and the missus went for a boozy meal in our local pub. We stumbled home, and full of lager-fuelled love and courage, I asked her, "We getting married then or what?" She replied, "We're already married, you daft cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 1 283

Get the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 22:00

Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 123

Failing upwards

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 11:00 - United States - Clear Lake

Today, I found out the job I applied for in IT was offered to coworker. I'm going to school for it, she has no degree/desire/knowledge of it. She was my trainer, I literally worked beside her for 2.5 years, and kept saying, "I hope you get it, I'm not going to apply." It was offered 5 days ago, which I found out about from another coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 162

The joys of mp3

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 14:00

Today, I opened my music app like always. All my tracks' titles had been reset. Now they’re called either (lyrics) or ‘’ ? () [] - symbols. I have nearly 2000 tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 119

Assessment time, baby

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 12:00 - Switzerland

Today, my work told my they are launching a work performance investigation. That would be OK, if the only person assessing me wasn't the same person giving me the tasks that have nothing to do with my experience, and thus causing the low performance. My kids need my work visa to stay in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 109

Respect the herb

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 10:00

Today I’d been saving a weed cigarette, which is legal where we live, until my parents went on holiday. I had just sparked up when they came back home after dad forgot his passport. The lecture I had to endure went on for so long, I think I’d have preferred an old-fashioned beating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 589

Harshing my buzz

By why... - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was talking to my friend about my life when she stopped me mid-sentence and told me that my life makes her sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 579

You deserved it 3 210

Financial control

By Brando - 01/09/2022 06:00

Today, I woke up to a video call from my entitled father, who was fuming and yelling at me for buying a PS5. With MY money. I don't even live with him anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 99

Living through this

By wander - 01/09/2022 04:00

Today, one of my classmates put hand sanitizer on my seat. I took one look at my seat and said, “You honestly believe I’m going to fall for that?” I then got laughed at anyway, because I’m disliked enough for them to do that. That’s right, I get bullied for being bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 128

Unwelcome visitor

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 01:00 - United Kingdom - Barking

Today, my daughter has been such a bridezilla that her fiancé actually dumped her. He treated her well, was handsome, and rich to boot, while still working at his career, yet she couldn’t calm down enough to see she was ruining her life. Now, after the breakup, she's moved back in with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 251

Culture wars

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 00:00

Today, I was visiting California with a friend. I saw a lot of palm trees by the road and asked my friend, "Wouldn't that be dangerous when there are coconuts...?" My friend gave me weird look and told me that those are two different trees. Turns out I thought palm trees and coconut trees are the same tree for 20+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 460

Three long months

By blargerpanda - 31/08/2022 13:00 - United States - Calistoga

Today, it's been over three months since my ex and I split up. It's also been three months since I've seen my step-daughter. Being an ex-stepfather is heartbreaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 133

Embarrassing little secret

By FML - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend forced me to climb out through his window, because he was too embarrassed at the thought of his roommate finding out I'd spent the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 486

You deserved it 5 679

Itchy and scratchy

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 12:00 - Australia

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. While I was there, I started to get really itchy. Turns out they have 5 cats. Guess what I'm allergic to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 111

This old house

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 16:00

Today, the smoke alarm went off while I was in the shower. Fearing a house fire, I jumped out and ran out, wearing just a tiny towel that barely covered my modesty, only to realize that water was coming through the ceiling and on to the smoke alarm, via a leak in the shower tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 151

Guilt by association

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my partner is pissed off at me because someone sent me a meme she disapproves of. As if I have any control over what people send to me… FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 149

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 12:00

Today, I wore a t-shirt that had a rainbow-ish multicolored design when I went to drop off my daughter at school. Another parent threatened to “call the authorities” on me for wanting to “poison” children with “f**got memorabilia,” and to “stop pushing my agenda” on them. I’m a straight dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 184

Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 10:00

Today, my daughter is mad sulking because she got her first wage today and learned a bunch of new words like national insurance, pension contributions, taxes, automatic student loan repayments, and so on. She actually thought she got to keep ALL the money she earned, and is taking it out on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 457

It's just another day

By wilmerjean - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 813

You deserved it 3 225

Fight!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 06:00

Today, my boyfriend has never gotten along with my dad, but this afternoon during what I thought was a completely normal conversation, he just stood up, yelled he couldn’t take my dad anymore, punched him in the nose, dumped me, and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 245

Keywords

Holidays Miscellaneous Family Thanksgiving Politics Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Christmas Scary Sex Awkward Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Friends Jealousy Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Mental health Therapy Covid

The Top

Today, there was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, so I said, "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 423

You deserved it 13 444

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 29 847

The Top

Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 209

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 978

You deserved it 64 343

Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 925

You deserved it 1 668

Today, I got stuck in my building's elevator. I pushed the emergency button, which made a ringing noise. After about half an hour, I heard someone yell, "Stop pushing that button, my kids are sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 856

You deserved it 2 615

Today, I had an amazing date with an amazing guy, but he hadn't realized he doesn't have time for a relationship, and I don't have the emotional capacity. It's just the wrong time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 191

Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 085

You deserved it 626