All the FMLs

Parenting 101

By Anonymous - 22/08/2022 12:00

Today, I found out that my ex, who fought me tooth and nail for shared custody, doesn’t actually spend time with our daughter during the days he has her, he just takes her to work with him and pawns her off on his secretary, who looks after her all day in a separate office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 138

What a way to spend the day

By theark - 22/08/2022 10:00

Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 86

Remember me?

By calikola - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandmother, who has Alzheimer's and can't usually remember my name, had a sudden moment of clarity and asked me why I'm still not married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 118

You deserved it 2 381

Projection

By Anonymous - 22/08/2022 04:00

Today, I was getting ready to go pick up a few things for much-needed projects around the house, when I heard my husband yelling from the basement. The lawnmower had kicked a rock through the expensive sliding glass door we just finished paying off. The rattling refrigerator may have to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 135

Family traditions

By Anonymous - 22/08/2022 02:00

Today, according to my dad, I’m not a real man because I didn’t spend my 21st birthday alone in the mountains, hunting to feed myself and building my own survival shelter like he did and his father did. Well sorry dad, you raised me in a city miles from any mountains FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 141

The Baby-Sitters Club

By Do I look like a fucking babysitter? - 22/08/2022 00:00

Today, my parents, my two sisters and their significant others went on a vacation and dropped their children at my house without ever asking me. I'm single, live alone, and can barely make ends meet, and they know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 131

Sussy baka

By Every time I date a retail chick - 21/08/2022 13:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I learned that while I respectfully distanced myself from my female friends in the last two years of dating my girlfriend, as per her request, she has been making loads of new male friends on her "backup Snapchat." This includes guys from her work, or guys her girlfriends bring around her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 310

Tetchy

By Brokendishes - 21/08/2022 18:00

Today, my husband broke a set of dishes, told me I had to clean it all up, and stormed out of the house. It’s now 3:30am and he still hasn’t come home. Our 5 year-old son keeps asking about him. What warranted all this? Asking him how his day went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 141

DIABEETUS

By Diabeetus - 21/08/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, after finding out that my mom is diabetic last year in November, this July a good friend of mine died from diabetes. I also found out that my dad is diabetic, as well as my grandma. It would appear that Wilford Brimley hates my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 124

Stop assuming the worst!

By notbeeatingmywife - 21/08/2022 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend has some bruises from her karate class. We went shopping together and needless to say, I got quite a few dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 94

Gullible's travels

By Anonymous - 21/08/2022 10:00

Today, after receiving messages from a person or persons who supposedly have a crush on me, I've come to the realization that it's probably been one guy messaging me all along. I'm not even gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 84

Gold diggers everywhere

By lucky? - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, some wisenheimer hacked my Facebook account and posted that I just won the Powerball. I now currently have 284 "friend" requests and 142 tags as "family". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 533

You deserved it 385

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 21/08/2022 04:00

Today, I heard for the nth time (I lost count after 100) how my roommate and her boyfriend plan to have kids (yes, plural) because we’re "BFF family", and "family babysits for free." She’s actively trying to get pregnant, but wants to continue smoking and drinking like a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 100

My dad is hard work

By Anonymous - 21/08/2022 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I are still fighting over the fact I haven't told my overprotective, bipolar, narcissist father about us, after a month together. Neither of us wants to break up, but we can't come to a compromise either. Dating is hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 311

The winds of change

By Fuck me. - 20/08/2022 22:00

Today, my therapist farted three times during the same session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 167

Not coming

By L_M_AND_R_L - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I asked my mom not to bring her dog to my wedding, since he's a real pain in the ass. She told me not to worry about it because she didn't feel like going anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 675

You deserved it 1 304

Avoidance

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 18:00

Today, I avoided planning an event for three years. I was saved by COVID in 2021, and 2020. It's now supposed to be happening next week, and I haven’t done anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 336

You don't like the thumpa-thumpa music??

By worst birthday ever - 20/08/2022 16:00

Today, some people from work I don't know very well insisted on throwing me a surprise birthday party. They took me to a gay club. I'm straight, in a committed relationship, and suffer from horrible social anxiety and hypersensitive hearing. I would literally rather have been trapped in a burning building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 143

Bad influence

By I'm depressed and I'm not an irredeemable asshole - 20/08/2022 14:00

Today, I told my friend that I don't like spending time around one of her other friends. He's a hardcore Trumpist, who goes out of his way to make people uncomfortable, and be as cruel as possible at every opportunity. She uninvited me from our weekly game nights, because, "He's lonely and depressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 375

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 289

Blackout

By DeePDowneR99 - 20/08/2022 10:00

Today, my dad took away my TV, books, and even my posters off the walls. Apparently he got a call from my headmistress, and I "should know what I did to deserve this." The thing is, I don't, I truly have no idea what I could have done to be punished like this, but I'm too scared to ask him to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 167

Careful

By me. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while driving, I slowed down and made sure I safely went by a pedestrian, and in the process rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 514

You deserved it 22 777

Serial skid marks

By OverMyInLaws - 20/08/2022 06:00

Today, my sister-in-law recently spend the night to hangout with my 7 year-old. She kept some of her clothes in his dresser. While doing laundry and sorting out clothes that no longer fit him, I found a pair of her shit-stained underwear shoved in the back of one of the drawers. She's in her 40's and this isn't the first occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 135

Pampered

By Megsley - 19/08/2022 21:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to the Walgreens by my house and bought 8 body wash soaps because my boyfriend needs that much for 3 days. I’ve done this so many times that the girls at the register know me, and my boyfriend, by name. They gave me a bunch of $5 off coupons because they felt so bad for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 165

The King

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 02:00

Today, I recently had open heart surgery and I'm prohibited from pushing, pulling, or lifting anything. My wife goes ahead of me to open doors, carry things from the store, and open my car door. Yes, I do get many mean, judgmental glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 116

The dictator

By Anonymous - 19/08/2022 15:00 - United States - Irvine

Today, my boss told me not to close my office door. What am I, 12 years-old? FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 123

Bailed out

By poorchild - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 741

You deserved it 3 026

Exploitation

By Collie - 19/08/2022 18:00

Today, my boss told me that due to a colleague resigning, I have to do some of her job until they find a replacement. I asked if I’ll be getting compensated for the extra work/time, and he said no because of budget issues. I said that wasn’t fair. He responded, “Well, life ain’t fair, get used to it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 178

Little shit

By Doormat - 19/08/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, a demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 134

They're much more fun

By Anonymous - 19/08/2022 14:00

Today, my wife and I had our first night without kids in 15 years, at a friend's wedding. In the middle of a song, while we were dancing, she left me to go dance with her new "gay best friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 149

Keywords

Family Holidays Miscellaneous Thanksgiving Politics AITA Transportation Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Cheating Suspicious Pregnancy Christmas Scary Sex Awkward Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Jealousy Friends Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 33

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 924

You deserved it 4 073

The Top

Today, it's my birthday. My parents, with whom I live, told me that they didn't get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 138

You deserved it 8 326

Today, a customer yelled at me because we didn't have any laptops in stock. I work at a clothing store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 113

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 86

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 46 336

Today, as an overprotective mother, I asked my 19 year-old son, who was going to spend his day on the beach, if he’d taken any protection with him. He pulled out a box of condoms, beaming with pride. I was talking about suntan lotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 193

Today, I asked my wife for a divorce, after I tried everything to save our marriage, and it was a gut-wrenching decision. I tried easing her into it, but she instantly agreed. She had packing boxed ready to move out. Now I suspect she was sabotaging our marriage for months so I'd call it quits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 128