All the FMLs

Wind up merchant

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend. He's gay, but won't tell her because he thinks it's hilarious when she yells at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 955

You deserved it 5 043

Road warrior

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was driving 65 on a fairly deserted highway when some speeding inbred in a giant truck chose not to use the open passing lane but instead SWERVED INTO THE SHOULDER to go around me, and then cut me off. Any closer and I would've been a smear on the asphalt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 122

Thanks, but…

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 00:01 - United States - Kula

Today, my grandmother helped out by cooking a dish for me. It was so sweet of her, until I ended up having diarrhoea because of it. Now I'm worried to breastfeed my newborn with her food in my system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 136

Boys will be boys

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 04:59

Today, my boys get in so much trouble, I don’t even bother checking on them anymore. Instead, every ten minutes, I yell up the stairs to stop whatever they’re doing, and every time without fail they guiltily apologise and try to blame each other/promise to fix it/swear not to do it again. EVERY TIME. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 955

And they lived happily ever after…

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 02:01

Today, after years of doctors appointments, scans, behavioural assessments, educational assessments, and thousands of pounds in medical costs, we’ve had to accept that our son doesn’t have a learning disability, psychological problems, autism, or ADHD, he just has the personality of an arsehole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 319

Lock him up!

By Abnes - 19/12/2021 19:58

Today, my ex harassed me at work again. I can't complain to my manager, because they're brothers. I can't report it to the cops either, because his uncle works at the police department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 141

Cut these people out of your life

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 17:01

Today, one of my closest friends is an antivaxxer. Neither I nor my family are guaranteed to survive Covid, even though we are vaccinated, and I just can't understand why she will not get the jab when she knows so many people have died from Covid, while only a handful have died from the vax DUE TO COMPLICATIONS, and now she may hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 869

Thanks, I hate this

By fat girl - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - North Pole

Today, my coworkers threw me a surprise baby shower. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 443

You deserved it 5 706

Nice guy

By LeftOut - 19/12/2021 14:01

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years suggested I don’t display affection or try to hold his hand at a party because a girl there “recently got broken up with” and he doesn’t wanna “hurt her feelings.” When I replied that this was irrational, he told me, “Then don’t come at all stupid bitch, geez!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 187

Alexa, play "Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 10:58

Today, I've come to terms that I'm only living to work. I'm going to be 25, no friends, never had any experience with women. Been trying all year to meet someone, hasn't worked out at all. Dead end job, school did nothing for me. I literally just exist to work, and have no happy memories at all. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 238

The Lovecats

By Yudith - 19/12/2021 07:59

Today, my two cats, who I'm slowly easing into being together, seem to like the fight they had yesterday. My older cat goes to my new cat's room to mew until I open the door, then lunges at my new cat, and my new cat goes to the barrier until he sees my old cat, and they start their shenanigans again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 211

There's a lot of them about

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 05:01

Today, I went on a date with a guy who is perfect in every way, except for the tiny fact he thinks Covid is a hoax created by hospitals to profit massively on selling masks and hand sanitiser. Both my parents died from Covid and my nana is currently in hospital with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 225

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 23:01

Today, I'm an introvert and told my girlfriend explicitly that all I wanted for my birthday was to sit quietly and read my new Discworld book. She took this to mean invite everyone within 50 miles for a massive party, and afterwards was surprised that I was pissed as hell and not speaking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 267

Pissed

By CatDad - 18/12/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss in my toilet, and my cat came and jumped up onto the toilet bin and looked at what I was doing. Instinctively, thinking she'd jump in or something, I grabbed her while I was midstream, causing me to piss on her, and on my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 845

Terminally offended

By whicks1892 - 18/12/2021 16:58

Today, I bought a shirt for my 5 year-old, which said, "I tried to be good, but I take after my Grandpa!" I thought it was a cute joke, but my mother-in-law said, "So you mean his grandpa isn't good? And that's why your son isn't good?" Despite my husband adding, "She bought this shirt. It was a joke, mom" they're still offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 193

Dogs are people too

By Seriously? - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he's named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 276

You deserved it 6 602

Flatulophobia

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 07:01 - United States - Watford City

Today, while in bed with my husband, we were discussing our fears. Mine being the Doomsday Clock. He giggled and made me feel silly about my (rational if you ask me) fear. I let out a tiny toot, and he jumped and screamed bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 226

Rebellion

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 04:59 - Panama - Cuba

Today, my sister and I are never allowed to go out, and by out I mean even open the front door. Last night, I snuck outside. What did I do in my rare act of rebellion? I cut the grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 128

Back again so soon?

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 00:58 - United States - Van Horn

Today, I went to the Chick-fil-A drive through. Instead of asking me my name for my order, I was greeted by my name. I asked how he knew it, and he responded by saying he makes it a point to remember all the great customers' names. He added that I come there all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 980

No uggos

By L…… - 18/12/2021 04:59

Today, while chatting with my work friend, our work photographer walked in saying she needed two people for a photo for our company social media. My friend said OK, and without hesitation the photographer said, while side-eyeing me, “Great. I’ll go see who else might be free to be in the picture with you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 109

Responsibilities

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 02:01

Today, my daughter got upset because, even though I bought the car for her when she got her license, I told her it was her responsibility to pay the tax, insurance and MOT every year. End result, my daughter is a selfish brat and I returned the car, but lost a bunch of my deposit money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 386

Sussy baka

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 23:01

Today, out of pure boredom, I created a Twitter account. Looking for pages to follow, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend is actually someone's husband. A month ago he posted a picture of himself and "The love of his life", wishing her a happy 30th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 169

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 20:01

Today, I drove 4 hours to see a girl I’ve been messaging with for months. Her friends came along for everything. I opted to sleep in my car, and go fishing alone. I didn’t know the river was near a nuclear power plant, so I’m probably sterile now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 409

SK8 OR DIE

By @juicy0rphans - 17/12/2021 17:01

Today, I was skating to school and a car stopped then when I was skating across, then another car came and hit me and I went flying.. Her one response was ,"Oops, sorry, didn't see you." Everyone else saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 136

One joke too far

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 14:01

Today, after spending 5 years working towards my dream job, getting it, and while in training telling a risqué joke, I got suspended the next day, lost the job, and I'm now in a shitty admin job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 1 851

High school is hell

By Ani - 17/12/2021 10:58

Today, a "friend" of mine decided stealing my very low amount of sticky notes repetitively to make origami and show off was okay, even though I had repeatedly asked her to stop. Then, when I snapped, I was the bad guy, and everyone who was around started stealing my pencil case to get them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 221

Birthday! Yay!

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 08:02

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I got a text from an unknown number, asking if I knew a girl that I had been talking to for a couple months. Turns out that it was that girl’s boyfriend, who saw our messages and let me know what she’s been up to. Greatest birthday present ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 121

Doesn't add up

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 05:02

Today, my coworker asked me to add her on Facebook. She has a common name, so I picked the one I thought was her. After no response for a while, I asked for the right spelling. She saw the one I thought was her and said, “I can’t believe you thought I was that ugly.” She wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 214

Really heavy sleeper

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 144

Fees

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 23:01

Today, I went to court to fight my old apartment complex about carpet replacement, because I'd left it completely spotless, only to wait two hours to be told they'd rescheduling it for March. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 82

Keywords

Awkward First Dates Love AITA Dogs Animals Cute Alcohol Am I overreacting? Health Relatable Food Thanksgiving Politics Holidays Miscellaneous Family Cars Transportation Sex Intimacy Contraception Cheating Suspicious Gross Poopoo peepee Kids Accident Gifts Birthday

The Top

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 856

You deserved it 4 565

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 540

You deserved it 1 906

The Top

Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 894

You deserved it 3 543

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 408

You deserved it 47 604

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 437

You deserved it 2 707

Today, I found out this week that I have a growth in my head that could be cancer. I messaged my closest best friend the news straight away, but she has completely ignored my message. It's now been three days and I've not heard a word from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 65

Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 146

You deserved it 2 319

Today, my parents lectured me for wanting to wear sneakers to a wedding. The wedding is on a farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 642

You deserved it 4 553