All the FMLs

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 23:01 - United States - Portland

Today, I was bowling with a woman I like. At the end of the night, I was trying to decide whether I should ask her out. I went up to her and said, "It was fun bowling with you." She said, "Thank you, Patrick." My name isn't Patrick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 146

Red tape

By OnReceivingEnd - 28/07/2021 21:01 - United States - Peoria

Today, I contacted the Unemployment Office. I was told that I needed to send additional information, then that the information had already been received, and that the case would be reviewed. For the fourth time. I've been out of work for three months, and haven't received a dime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 100

Out of it

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 04:01

Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 231

Isn't that illegal?

By Ryan Engle - 29/07/2021 02:01

Today, my neighbor, who has 4 video cameras pointed at the front of my house, got a drone that’s now hovering over my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 77

Don't know, don't care

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 00:01

Today, I realised that if I died, no one would care. I know this because when I called my partner distressed last night, he told me he needed to sleep and hung up in less than 45 seconds, and a friend told me to call lifeline. I haven’t heard from either of them since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 200

Right in the kidneys

By still single - 28/07/2021 22:01

Today, after spending three weeks in the hospital for a kidney infection, I found out the girl I have been dating now has a girlfriend. I guess that’s why she couldn’t visit me this whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 77

Knock knock

By iHateMyRoommate - 28/07/2021 11:59 - United States - Loveland

Today, I had to tell an adult man that, even though he’s friends with my roommate and the door is unlocked, he should definitely wait until someone answers the door before letting himself in. I almost shot him because he was rooting through my shit looking for his phone he'd "lost". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 122

Bored out of our minds

By Maxx - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 827

You deserved it 22 715

Hush

By dinkley7 - 28/07/2021 18:01

Today, and like every day before it, my boyfriend’s snoring is keeping me up all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 175

Tyranny

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 22:01 - Indonesia - Balikpapan

Today, I got called "useless" by my mother for not doing what she wants me to do. She also said that I've accomplished nothing, and that I can’t and never will. It’s barely 10 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 161

School's out

By Madilyne13 - 28/07/2021 07:59 - United States - Groveport

Today, I realized that I'm not cut out for school when I flunked out… in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 151

The internet hates you

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had to cancel my vacation in Norway, which I had been planning for 2 months and had cried and stressed over all that time because this was the first vacation I'd ever planned myself. Now YouTube won't stop showing me ads about visiting Norway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 194

We live in a society

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 06:01

Today, I can't any peace and quiet in any room of my flat. The neighbours on one side are arguing, the other side are having very loud sex, the ones upstairs I suspect are playing some sort of games console, and downstairs daughter has been practising her violin badly all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 133

The friendzone doesn't exist

By AloneAtPerkins - 28/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got friendzoned by my coworker. He'll constantly remind me that he's there for me if I ever need anything or someone to talk to, he's sexy as hell, and he pulls me in for close hugs. This is gonna be a long-ass summer. Oh, did I mention it's a communal living situation in the middle of the mountains? FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 360

Need more details, please

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 17:01 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I fucked up a relationship, by accident, and then they broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 717

Heavy sleeper

By PolarBear2020 - 27/07/2021 21:58

Today, maintenance was supposed to come in to replace my broken washer. I worked late last night until 4 AM, and then dozed off. I slept so soundly that they managed to enter the apartment, haul away the broken washer, and install the new one, all while I was fast asleep in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 219

Yeet it time

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 12:59 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I got fired for not being mature enough. I just found out I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 407

Honk if you Love Me!

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 16:01 - Switzerland

Today, I'm so lonely that I get happy when I get attention from car drivers when they honk at me for driving too slowly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 250

Grow up

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 07:02

Today, my son rejected a job offer because it interferes with the streaming schedule of some Twitch dirtbag. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 213

You can talk to us

By Lonely Loser - 27/07/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I started self-harming again. My therapist keeps switching the subject when I try to bring it up, and my best friend has called me attention-seeking and selfish so many times in the past year that I’m too scared to ask for her support. I have nobody else to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 259

Damn regulations

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 06:01

Today, after being years of being told that it's a pipe dream and that I can't do it, I finally qualified for my unconventional dream job, competing with almost 100k people, only to find out during the medical exam that as I have epilepsy, I'm unfit for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 104

Repetitive

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 04:01

Today, my husband stormed out to the pub because he couldn’t stand listening to my mother droning on and on about the same stories she always tells and the programmes she watches everyday. He didn’t think of taking me with him, so I had to stay and listen to the boring old bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 785

Flashdance

By Muhd Hazrie - 27/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was working as a security guard in a office building. It was 5 p.m. and most of the staff had gone home so it was pretty quiet. I did a little ballet dance around my security post. When I turned around, I saw my supervisor taking a video of me. He sent it to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 442

Itchy and scratchy

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 00:01

Today, it turned out the razor I used for manscaping wasn't as new and sharp as I'd thought. My entire crotch is now overcome with an unfathomable amount of razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 368

Another great day to be alive

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 21:59 - Germany

Today, I didn’t get much done because I woke up late and therefore didn’t have much time. No wait, that was yesterday. Today I didn’t get much done because I woke up EARLY and was miserably tired and good for nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 414

Stunlocked

By RoyBoy - 26/07/2021 18:01

Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 613

Neat and tidy

By jjhach - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Aldouane

Today, while fishing my remote out from behind the couch, I found my fiancé's stash of old toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 786

You deserved it 3 626

A lot on my plate

By BrokeAndLonely - 26/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Taunton

Today, after seven months of job-searching, I got another rejection. This is after a breakup, a job loss, the deaths of my grandfather and best friend, tax issues, 3 years of dealing with a severe phobia, family issues, and a pandemic. Plus, now I can't buy the flat I fell in love with. Someone up there hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 179

Headshot

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 119

How I met your step-father

By ConfusedAsf - 26/07/2021 08:03

Today, my boyfriend, and father of my son, announced that he’s leaving me for my best friend. His reasoning is that he feels bad that she’s a single mom. When I pointed out that by him leaving me, I’ll also be a single mom, he responded with, "But at least she has her pre-pregnancy body back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 170

Keywords

Family Health Argument Thanksgiving Politics Frustration Sex Intimacy Miscellaneous Love AITA Awkward First Dates Road rage Transportation Cars Dogs Animals Cute Am I overreacting? Alcohol Relatable Food Holidays Contraception Cheating Suspicious Poopoo peepee Kids Gross

The Top

Today, I listened to my best friend complain, again, about the two guys she's seeing, and how she doesn't know which one to choose, because they're both perfect. Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up my dog's loose stools, haven't had a date in over three years, and I'm also sharing a room with the very same best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 324

You deserved it 2 005

Today, a friend told me he thought I was hot and we ended up having lunch together. I like him and we’ve already arranged a second date, but when I mentioned this to someone else, she got pretty upset. Turns out she liked me and had been dropping hints for a while. No clue what’ll happen to my friendship with her… FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 129

The Top

Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 833

You deserved it 14 275

Today, I found out I have endometriosis… Which doesn't mix well with a horny boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 125

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 31

Today, I was shut in a boiling hot room with six children: a 10-year-old who kept shouting, a belligerent 7-year-old, two 5-year-olds who thought hitting me was funny and two 2-year-olds, who wouldn't stop crying. Their parents were just outside, laughing away, ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 201

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 536

You deserved it 34 999

Today, as I was perusing old photos with my mother, I found one of her with a "childhood friend" at her wedding to my dad. Now I know where my green eyes and blotchy neck birthmark came from, and it's not from the man I’ve been calling "dad" for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 865

You deserved it 270