All the FMLs

How I met your step-father

By ConfusedAsf - 26/07/2021 08:03

Today, my boyfriend, and father of my son, announced that he’s leaving me for my best friend. His reasoning is that he feels bad that she’s a single mom. When I pointed out that by him leaving me, I’ll also be a single mom, he responded with, "But at least she has her pre-pregnancy body back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 170

So compassionate

By Charlie Given - 26/07/2021 01:53 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that yet another woman I was interested in is nothing but a addict. All the women I've tried to date for 3 years now have turned out to be fucked up in some major way. Why can't I just find a non-loser for a girlfriend? FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 923

Charlie Given tells us more.

Charlie Given 26

Monday 26 July 2021 1:05

Holy shit I can't believe my FML got published thank you. I've been actively dating for about 3 years now, but it has been over 8 years since I've been intimate with a woman. Not that I haven't been trying but health issues with my child and I have have made it difficult sometimes to date. But some of the biggest issues have been finding someone who can look pass the fact that I'm a single dad with two kids and health issues. But afew ladies on occasion seemed like good possibilities. And we did start to get to know each other better only for me to realize that they were drunks, heavy drug addicts, abusive to their kids, trying to use me for weed or just leading me on for kicks and being ghosted alot. so all I can really do is keep looking and hoping. and for anyone wondering I live in the upper peninsula of Michigan if you're interested LOL don't know why it says Ottawa.

Gotta get that clout

By Debate bros STFU - 26/07/2021 06:01

Today, my live-in boyfriend spent yet another evening trying to bait Twitch streamers into a debate about stuff he barely understands. He's obsessed with "growing his audience", and I'm getting tired of his bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 162

It's just a ride

By fatherof4 - 26/07/2021 04:01

Today, I realized that this is it. We are here for the blink of an eye, then dead. What if God doesn’t exist, then nothing has any meaning. I’ve been almost frozen in terror at this thought for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 600

Burning down the house

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 18:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I got some ingredients ready for a stew in the slow cooker, planning to turn it on when I left for work. Well, my dumb, un-caffeinated ass turned it on, but put it on high instead of low. For 13 hours. It was completely charcoal by the time I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 315

Legalize it

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 15:01 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, after arriving, I was told that there will be mandatory drug tests for everybody at my work. Yesterday, I did joints at a friend's party, as it was her birthday. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 1 474

Revenge strikes again

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 20:01

Today, we inherited a house from my grandma in a homeowners association. My husband told the HOA president he's looking forward to defying the rules and annoying the rich snobs on this street who made grandma miserable by complaining about the state of her house while she was dying. FUCK THEM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 153

Boozehound

By I get the hint - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 721

You deserved it 12 450

Vengeance is mine

By shitty neighbor - 25/07/2021 10:01 - United States

Today, I had to call the cops on my neighbor. I was heading off to work when I saw him actually shitting in our yard. The reason? They caught my dumbass rebel of a son on their security camera, shitting in their yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 483

Anger issues

By Flash - 25/07/2021 17:31 - India - Bangalore

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 171

Gambled and lost

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 10:59

Today, I found out that my mom found a paper with my long lost username and password to an old crypto wallet with 17 bitcoins. She'd thrown it in the garbage bin before realising what it was. The bin was empty when I went running to check it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 265

You won't know him, he goes to a different school

By jennavankirk - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year-olds about having a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 926

You deserved it 32 317

Cursed

By IHaveATypeAparently - 25/07/2021 06:01

Today, I found out one of my exes is trans. I’m very happy for her, but I’m starting to think I have the wrong type, as I have had 3 ex-boyfriends come out as gay and 3 come out at trans right after breaking up. I really hope my current boyfriend doesn’t have a secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 185

A promise is a promise

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 04:01

Today, my mom went to my dad's funeral as the Grim Reaper. Apparently, because they were both massive Terry Pratchett fans, they'd agreed whoever outlived the other had to go to the funeral as Death. No one else found it funny and more than a few swore to never speak to her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 195

Bumpy ride

By Mum2be - 25/07/2021 02:01

Today, my baby kept me up all night, and I only got 3 hours sleep. Normal, right? He's not even born yet and I'm only 5 months along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 212

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 00:01

Today, after months of dealing with homophobic abuse for my coworkers and supervisors at my previous job, I was excited to start my new job where most of my co-workers were LGBTQ. I find out a majority of them don't like me because my fiancé is a deputy sheriff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 284

Sensory overload

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 15:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I visited my brother, and noticed that my 17 year-old nephew was being unusually cold and grumpy; a sign that he's having sensory overload. Because his parents are so loud, I knew they were responsible. When I confronted them, they responded by yelling at me and grounding him. Sorry, nephew, I tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 185

That weird family down the street

By aaaaaaaand I’m single - 24/07/2021 11:00 - United States

Today, I brought my new girlfriend home. My overprotective sister got into her face and started the whole, "if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass" speech. My girlfriend responded by whooping my sister’s ass up and down our driveway. It took both me and my mom to pull her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 242

Holy smokes

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 18:01

Today, I’m down to my last, partially snapped cigarette. I carefully taped it back together, enough for at least half a smoke. I then snapped it completely while opening the door to go outside and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 1 214

FML brings solace

By Depresso - 24/07/2021 16:01

Today, I checked this site to find out that my previous submission had made it onto the main page. This has been the sole highlight in my life for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 212

All shook up

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my crush had a girlfriend. The way I found it out? He hugged me from behind, calling her name and saying darling, etc. When I turned around in shock, he quickly backed away and said, "Sorry , I thought you were someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 107

Febreze time of the month

By Lunar-Spice - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Midlothian

Today, like every month, I'm able to tell when my period is going to come, down to the exact day. It becomes increasingly smelly, even before I've started, to the point where everyone around me can barely stand it. I can't do anything to get rid of the stench before it's actually started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 118

Inexplicable

By omnomnom - 24/07/2021 06:01

Today, my son asked me if a video of a flame on a computer actually gives off heat like a fireplace. He was serious. He's 17 and inexplicably has straight A's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 144

No one is safe

By chili - 24/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 333

It's about time

By peetime - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom taking the dog to the vet, when he peed on me. We were taking him there because he hadn't peed in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 101

Where is my mind?

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 00:01

Today, after 10 beers and a 1/3 of a bottle of Jack, I felt an undeniable urge to go rabbit hunting with lawn darts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 1 180

Down!

By Imnotfromhere - 23/07/2021 22:01

Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 106

Worst sniper ever

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 19:59

Today, I had to ban my teenage son from taking his phone into the bathroom, not because he looks at porn, but because he’s so engrossed in the screen, he doesn’t aim while he pees all over the seat and sometimes the floor, without cleaning it up. He’s not incapable, just fucking lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 190

Backstabbers

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 12:01 - United States

Today, after I applied for an IT position at work, and a coworker I’ve worked with for 3 years, who said she had no intention on applying, wished me luck and told me, "I hope you get it!" it's now a week later and it turns out she applied the next day, got the offer and accepted. I had to find out a week later from a different coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 98

Cathartic

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 15:59

Today, I was bored and horny. I figured, what the hell, and downloaded an adult visual novel. Five hours later, I was heartbroken and couldn't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 371

Keywords

Health Family Argument Thanksgiving Politics Frustration Sex Intimacy Miscellaneous Love First Dates AITA Awkward Road rage Transportation Cars Dogs Animals Cute Alcohol Am I overreacting? Relatable Food Holidays Contraception Cheating Suspicious Poopoo peepee Kids Gross

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that he won’t let me meet his family. He sarcastically replied, “What, you mean my wife and kids? You’re a mistress, remember? You don’t get to meet my family.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 1 060

The Top

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 133

You deserved it 3 244

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 584

You deserved it 4 226

Today, a group of protesters set up just outside my residence hall at one in the morning. After an hour of chanting, the police finally told them to stop, and I was finally able to get some sleep. The protesters responded by pulling the fire alarm in every residence hall on campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 713

You deserved it 3 033

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 165

You deserved it 4 026

Today, I was buying veggies with my five-year-old. She saw some brussel sprouts and begged me to buy them. I thought there was no way she'd like them, but I do, so I got them. Later, she was sitting on the couch eating them raw like candy. I have a weird kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 846

You deserved it 1 226

Today, I took my dogs to the park and sat in the grass while they played. Within the first half hour two male dogs peed on my back. The first owner apologized and gave me a wipe to clean up while the second one had the nerve to tell me "this is why I bring a chair" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 836

You deserved it 1 506