All the FMLs

Headache

By inpain14 - 13/05/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that one of the reasons I may be getting migraines every day is because I subconsciously clench my jaw a lot due to stress. To try and have it hurt less, I’ve gone back to wearing my plastic retainer during the day, but it makes my gag reflux act up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 232

Team breaking

By Anonymous - 13/05/2020 02:00

Today, I went on a work team-building day at a snow park. Thirty minutes in, while I was climbing out of a slide, my 210 lb coworker ploughed into me in a donut ring. He obliterated my ankle and I've now got three months in a cast to look forward to. So much for the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 163

Vultures

By Anonymous - 12/05/2020 20:00

Today, after spending a few weeks getting to know my birth father and thinking he seemed decent, he's realised my adoptive parents aren’t rich and no, I can’t lend him a few grand. Now, he’s vanished and written several nasty Facebook posts about not being able to trust family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 335

You deserved it 265

Bad timing

By J…… - 12/05/2020 17:00

Today, as I was talking to my girlfriend about how I need to find another job to be able to afford school next fall, I hit a deer causing about $3,000 in damages to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 466

Dumb question

By Anonymous - 12/05/2020 14:00

Today, “Who decided that?” was apparently not the correct thing to reply to a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 1 908

Big manbaby

By HSPARKS - 12/05/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up to my apartment in a state of total disarray. I've been asking my boyfriend to get either get a job, or clean the house. I just had a bunch of dental work taken care of. He doesn't have a job, and doesn't want to find one. I'm tired of trying to raise an already grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 966

I'm an excellent driver

By Ashley Nichole Hinton - 12/05/2020 02:00

Today, my husband ran our car into a fence at work. He had to file an insurance claim, with a company we only just got with, and it's going to deplete the rest of our taxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 175

Stinky

By kmthomas91 - 11/05/2020 23:00

Today, after coming home, my apartment reeked of something fierce. Small animals frequently like to crawl under my apartment since I live next to a wooded area. Apparently, skunks are among those who like to visit, and Febreze isn't helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 137

Hidden life

By ashleyrc_8213 - 11/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was commenting on my boyfriend’s page, telling him how much I loved him and missed him since he had been deported back to his country. A 12-year-old girl commented, “Who are you and why are you so obsessed with my daddy?” I didn’t know he had kids. We were together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 467

You deserved it 523

Soaked

By SunBed - 11/05/2020 17:00

Today, I came home to my bed and most of my room soaking wet. This morning, my mom thought it would be "smart" to warm up my room by opening the skylight above my bed. There were heavy showers all day today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 111

Splat!

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 14:00

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 215

Battery

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 05:00

Today, at work, I was talking to a colleague about what the worst pain he ever experienced was. He said his was being bitten by a dog, and I said I didn't know. Next thing, I was kicked in the balls from a behind by another work colleague. She said, "What about that?" I agreed, it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 225

Pampered

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 02:00

Today, I'm 25-years-old and I need to wear an adult diaper as I have lost my bladder control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 148

Catch 22

By Claire.L - 10/05/2020 20:00

Today, I gave my boss a two-month notice. He threatened me by saying he wouldn't provide a reference if I quit in July instead of August. I need the reference to pursue my dream to work in the USA as a nanny. I have no other choice, I either work under their pressure or start all over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 150

You can't win

By fatty fatfuck - 10/05/2020 17:00

Today, after losing my job and being quarantined alone, I realized I've gained quite a bit of weight due to depression. I decided to do something about it and walk around my neighborhood. A group of teens followed me laughing and hurling insults until I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 291

You deserved it 231

Forward thinker

By youdontknowwho - 10/05/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend took a picture of us together because he wanted to have something to burn when we break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 173

Pay up

By wasntme - 10/05/2020 08:00

Today, I got a bill for $62.70 because my company gave my last work car to some idiot who doesn't like to pay the toll road fees. They never took me off the registration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 118

Beautiful

By Anonymous - 10/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 426

You deserved it 474

Very fishy

By Bryce - 10/05/2020 02:00

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 231

Anger management

By truecountrybitch - 09/05/2020 23:00

Today, my boyfriend got frustrated trying to take my entertainment center into the basement, for the kids' game room. It didn't fit, thanks to the horrible design of the house, so he Spartan-kicked it down, breaking it into 15 pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 231

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 20:00

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 267

Messy

By fiat850 - 09/05/2020 17:00

Today, I had two accidents in my car: one when a truck drove into its rear end, the other immediately after when my own rear end released its load onto the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 164

Dad jokes, part 43884

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 14:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad, who it turns out is such an anime nerd he decided to overplay the "idiot overprotective dad" character all afternoon, including making the dramatic faces, playing theme music from his phone, and at one point threatening my genitals with an oversized foam battle axe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 299

Tiler, the creator

By musicalxtheories - 09/05/2020 08:00

Today, my cat pooped in the shower. How did I find out? I didn't see the poop when I got in. I slipped in it, and smacked my head on the tile wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 280

Portal

By OpenSesame - 09/05/2020 05:00

Today, at Walmart, I unknowingly chose the only non-automatic door to exit through. I stood in front of the door looking for the motion sensor while the greeters laughed at me for at least half a minute before I saw the "PUSH" sticker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 894

Body issues

By ashamed - 09/05/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me showering in the dark. When he asked why, I just told him it’s more relaxing for me. Truth is, after losing 120 lbs, I’m so disgusted by the look of my sagging skin that I can’t bear to see myself naked anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 880

You deserved it 362

Candid camera

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 23:00

Today, I prominently touched my boobs and put my hand inside my shirt to adjust my bra… all while I had my camera on during a Zoom meeting with the whole department FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 1 710

Who's a good boy?

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 400

You deserved it 226

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that most of the people I work with secretly refer to me as the "designated bottom" because they assumed from my slight stature and soft spoken personality that I was a submissive homosexual. My wife thinks it’s hilarious and keeps grabbing my ass to make me jump in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 259

Thanks for all the help

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 08:29

Today, I found the Facebook album my sister took with her kids by the pool and out on boats while back in our hometown. My problem? I'm our dad's carer since his stroke and she had planned the trip as a mission to help me take care of him, but due to her kids being "sick", she only visited briefly. Twice. In 5 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 135

Keywords

Embarrassing Transportation Cars Miscellaneous Family Food Thanksgiving Stressed out Parents Kids Awkward Thief Animals Dogs Relatable Love Money Birthday Argument AITA Parenting Health Politics Frustration Intimacy Sex Allergies Work First Dates Road rage

The Top

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5 mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh… I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 006

You deserved it 47 411

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 395

You deserved it 14 502

The Top

Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 222

You deserved it 2 506

Today, my wife and mother of my kids said she doesn't want sex. Or a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 209

Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 901

You deserved it 2 588

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes, "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said, "Me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 566

You deserved it 9 856

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 469

You deserved it 40 225

Today, I went out wearing the highest heels I had, but was nervous about falling because I'm such a klutz. I got through the night without any injuries, so I changed into the sneakers I had brought with me to walk home. I tripped right outside my house in my sneakers and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 532

You deserved it 6 073