All the FMLs

Dash!

By pokeOww - 13/09/2019 22:00

Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 1 453

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

By Gloria Lovestar - 13/09/2019 20:00

Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 215

"At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 16:01

Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 302

Warranties don't cover kids, do they?

By FMLMaximus - 13/09/2019 14:00

Today, my two year-old fell with a toy in her hand. The TV isn't even paid off yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 483

This ain't gonna end well

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 12:04

Today, my partner of 5 years and I sat down to talk because I expressed hope for a proposal in near future. He instead believed that we should wait, and talk about a potential future for us in another two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 289

Ninja!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 119

Corporate hell

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 04:01 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I found out I didn't get the promotion I applied for. Then I was told I was the only one who applied for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 879

You deserved it 144

Boing!

By nurse - 13/09/2019 02:01 - Norway

Today, I was giving a patient an injection when I heard a cracking sound and the needle was gone. Panicking, I got a doctor to have a look. The patient was sent to have x-rays to find the needle in her thigh. I then noticed the springback system in the syringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 1 071

The Conversationalist

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 407

Baked

By Ooops - 12/09/2019 22:02 - Canada

Today, I kept smelling the pleasant odor of baking bread while driving around. Tonight, I realized that the smell of yeast was actually coming from a cup of moldy smoothie that got missed and left in a cup holder in the back of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 597

In the zone

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 20:05

Today, I was flirting with a girl I like when she confessed she was into another guy. I then proceeded to wingman for that guy, telling her to take her shot with him before the chance went away. Effectively sticking myself into the friendzone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 1 683

Scooby snacks?

By DogStew - 12/09/2019 18:00

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 253

Talk is cheap

By Tris - 12/09/2019 16:00

Today, my co-workers keep making fun of me because I said, “You’re very so welcome.” They say it's not proper grammar, but honestly I can’t find anything that says I’m wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 2 131

Get it on, bang a gong

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 15:00 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, I'm dating the perfect guy. He's smart, considerate, charming, funny, good looking and we have a ton of interests in common. He also can't get it up. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 239

Cheers, Henry

By Tams - 12/09/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my grandma and I went to visit one of her friends. The elderly gentleman told me I'd grown into a very beautiful young woman, to which my grandma replied, "Have you started in on the sherry early this evening, Henry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 134

The Terror

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 06:00 - New Zealand

Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 171

Lost

By James - 12/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Cirencester

Today, I was having a good time drinking with a few friends. Next thing I know, I'm walking down an unknown street, with just one shoe, no wallet and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 1 655

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

By bored - 12/09/2019 00:02

Today, I found a deck of Uno cards. Being extremely bored, I decided to put them in order. I now know EXACTLY which cards I'm missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 375

Fast Cars

By Chris21 - 11/09/2019 22:04 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, a drunk driver totalled my new Audi. Who was the drunk driver? My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 161

Bounced

By Anonymous - 11/09/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, I was at a metal concert and I met a really cute girl. We got talking, and started getting close. We were about to kiss during the transitional period between 2 bands, but I was then pulled away by her father, who owned the venue. I was thrown out. Before the main act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 259

Hey, where's my bonus?!

By moderndante - 11/09/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 115

Willpower

By Anonymous - 11/09/2019 14:00

Today, I started my new health kick with granola for breakfast, salad for lunch, and hitting the gym after work. I was so proud of myself, until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 1 782

Can he fix it?

By Chelsy - 11/09/2019 12:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 201

The first date must've been amazing

By Ami Ditbacher - 11/09/2019 07:53

Today, I went on a second date. He gave me the wrong directions to the restaurant. When it was time to pay for our meal, he casually mentioned that he forgot his wallet. I had to pay, and also tip the waitress who was all over him and didn't spare me a second glance. I'm unemployed and broke. He has a job and it was his idea to eat out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 184

You deserved it 320

Ami Ditbacher tells us more.

Ami Ditbacher 8

Wednesday 11 September 2019 0:32

Yay my FML story got published! Thanks for all the great suggestions and witty comments (: this guy stopped me on the street about 2 months ago and he seemed pretty okay but I wasn't really looking to date/get into bed with someone. I broke up with my ex last year and some ugly things happened afterwards which left me incredibly insecure, alone and vulnerable. I guess that's why I'm letting people walk all over me? Anyways I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt twice already and there is no doubt now that he's not a nice person. I was absolutely okay with paying for my own meal. His "I-forgot-my-wallet" bit was a shock to me since I've never encountered someone who would be so rude. Also I always tip in restaurants as I usually get a fair treatment (and I rarely eat out since it's expensive and I prefer to cook my own food). In this case the waitress went into complete asshole mode once she got her tip and totally ignored me. And obviously I didn't put out (: I actually told the guy that I'm just looking for friends but he still felt me up without my consent. All in all: not a nice experience.

Entitled

By CP slave - 11/09/2019 06:02 - United States

Today, a man yelled at me for what seemed like an eternity when I told him his child wasn't tall enough to ride a roller-coaster. His daughter was about 3 years-old. The coaster is the second tallest in the world. I deal with morons like this every day, at minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 120

Drama Llama

By Mike - 11/09/2019 04:01 - United States - Burlington

Today, I called my mother to say hi. She spent a whole hour and a half complaining about how I never call her, bawling and calling me "a waste of human flesh." I call her at least once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 131

Milky Milky

By Shock91 - 11/09/2019 02:02 - China - Beijing

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 371

It's the Final Countdown

By Mightytall - 11/09/2019 00:01

Today, I had a very long wait at the doctor's. The three plastic plants in the waiting area have 163 leaves each, the patient information poster on the wall has 127 words, the longest word has 19 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 172

Mom knows best

By Troy - 10/09/2019 22:00

Today, my mom offered me a reward if I went out and mowed our lawn. After 45 mins of pushing a lawnmower in 95-degree heat and getting stung by a bee, I go inside and ask my mom for my reward. She comes up to me, gives me a 'loving hug' and says, "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 1 668

Choosing Beggars

By Miserable person - 10/09/2019 18:00

Today, after spending 5+ hours of my life painting a portrait of someone's cat for them, I finally finished it, perfect condition, no mistakes. I was supposed to be paid 300 bucks for it. Got 50 bucks because it was too "vibrant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 235

Keywords

Cars Accident Thanksgiving Dogs Transportation Awkward Alcohol Love Embarrassing Animals Scary Annoying Pizza Work Health Healthy Lifestyle Stressed out Family Miscellaneous Food Parents Kids Confused Exhausted Thief Relatable Birthday Money Argument AITA

The Top

Today, I was finishing a conversation with my husband. His phone rang, but he didn't take it. He said, "No, the guy said he was going to call me at 11:30 and it's 11:36. I'll call him in 3 minutes." It was then I realized that I have been the subject of this type of petty control for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 109

Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 823

You deserved it 54 952

The Top

Today, my boss took back my week off because he wants to take a spontaneous Caribbean vacation with his wife, which is "clearly more important" than what I was going to do. I needed that time off so I could be with my Dad in hospice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 798

You deserved it 255

Today, I realized that the closest thing I have to a savings account is the cup on my dresser with coins in it. I counted it, $17.34. That is my savings. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 814

You deserved it 50 745

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 452

You deserved it 4 086

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 289

You deserved it 372

Today, after suffering from a serious case of my cats always chewing my earphones, after many eaten cords, I finally got a bluetooth headphone. My cat peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 266

Today, I realized it was mistake telling my son to toughen up and fight his own battles when he told me he was getting bullied. Apparently, his idea of fighting his own battles involves ipecac. I don't know where he got it, but when I asked, he just gave the Kubrick stare and denied knowing what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 993