All the FMLs

Hi-ya folks! First let me just say, I'm super stoked because this is the first FML I've ever had published! Second, the back story is this: when I ordered the vacuum, I had just woken up from a dream I had while on sleeping pills so I was preeeetty drowsy. The dream involved vacuuming which is what inspired the shopping spree to begin with. Since I was so drowsy I was skimming over all the product descriptions and only looking at the pictures and prices and let me tell you: by looking at the photo there is no way to tell it's a toy. It's got a brand and model name on it (Bosch Ergomaxx Professional) and cost 40 euros. I thought I was just getting a good deal. Needless to say, kids toys have come a long way in recent years. It's even functional! Just not quite practical for an adult...

By Anonymous - 24/07/2017 07:00 - United States - Warren

Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 272

You deserved it 643

Game of Nope

By no no no - 23/07/2017 20:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 010

You deserved it 601

What did I miss?

By rosie21030 - 24/07/2017 10:33 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I was the bridesmaid for my dad and stepmum's wedding. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped and fell over my high heels, hit my head on the armrest of a wooden chair on the way down, then passed out. I now have a concussion and a broken ankle. The wedding went on without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 045

You deserved it 768

By Roselyn Cazares - 23/07/2017 19:55

Today, I was petting my female hamster when I felt a big mass under her. I immediately thought it was a tumor so I poked it to see if it hurt her. It didn't. Turns out my female hamster is actually a male, and he has really big balls. I touched my hamster's balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 159

You deserved it 1 927

By Seriously? - 22/07/2017 13:54

Today, my friend with benefits got my new car stuck in a mud hole. I had to call my ex to get us unstuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 058

You deserved it 2 038

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 01:33

Today, my prom date and his family came over to take pictures. His dad happens to be my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 816

You deserved it 417

By LittleMissRejected - 21/07/2017 14:27

Today, I learned that, even after several interviews and congratulations for getting the job, you still might not get the job. I just received an email stating that my accepted offer is now rejected. I already treated my close friends to an expensive dinner to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 901

You deserved it 961

By Anonymous - 20/07/2017 23:00 - United States - Dover

Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked him and he asked if I'm Chinese. When I said, "No, I'm Taiwanese" he promptly spat in my face and called me a "traitor to the motherland." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 145

You deserved it 526

By TheDeathguard - 20/07/2017 20:05

Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 700

You deserved it 290

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 336

You deserved it 538

By BrokeAF - 20/07/2017 05:01

Today, I had to empty out my coin jar to pay for gas. Trying to be considerate, I only brought quarters, but the cashier refused to take it because they didn't want to count out my $10. I don't know how I'll get to work today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 429

You deserved it 483

By Ruby Lore - 20/07/2017 00:31

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 529

You deserved it 349

By Bianka05 - 19/07/2017 20:00

Today, after being on vacation for a week, my alarm sounded early in the morning. It scared me so badly I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 989

You deserved it 960

By Anonymous - 19/07/2017 07:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, my school brought in therapy dogs to help with stress. I was attacked by one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 685

You deserved it 506

Reported

By Littlebigben - 19/07/2017 05:00

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as "Dad" to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in, or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 673

You deserved it 331

By Stressed dad - 18/07/2017 20:00

Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 087

You deserved it 1 030

By "Beackers675" - 18/07/2017 09:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, due to religious restrictions, I'm not allowed to have medicine for my cold. The only thing my family will let me have is milk tea. I'm lactose intolerant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 840

You deserved it 1 222

Beackers675 tells us more.

Beackers675 13

Monday 17 July 2017 5:07

Hey everyone, OP here! So uhm..just for the record I'm not a minor, no CPS needed. As for their religion, I personally do not follow it, but out of love and respect for my parents I let them take care of me, (I'd been away from home for a long time and got sick upon my return) it was a nasty cold, and I was miserable, but I'm fine now. My family doesn't believe in unnecessary medications if the body can fight it off, however in extreme cases they will accept modern medicine. And yes, we're all vascinated so calm your butt cheeks. As for their religious beliefs, that is who they are. Thanks for the support, but no need to worry.

By totallymyfaultyeah - 18/07/2017 05:00

Today, it was my 23rd birthday. I didn't make it to my party because I was rear-ended on the way there by a 16-year-old in a red mustang going 50+ mph. My birthday cake landed in my lap and I was yelled at by his mother for getting chocolate icing on their insurance card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 954

You deserved it 320

Under new management

By NotAThief - 17/07/2017 20:00

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 209

You deserved it 311

By bytemuch - 17/07/2017 15:04

Today, my boyfriend said he's in love with another woman and is leaving me. This wouldn't be as bad if I weren't seven months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 206

You deserved it 681

ByteMuch tells us more.

ByteMuch 9

Thursday 13 July 2017 23:55

OP here. First of all thank you all for your kind support it was nice to see so many positive comments :) He will be involved in our child's life and I agree with all of you who have commented that it's better that this happened now than later and possibly behind my back. We're working things out :)