All the FMLs

By mysteryguy3039 - 07/08/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend gave me a two week notice for our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 732

You deserved it 372

Looking forward to it

By OkieThePokie - 07/08/2017 13:00

Today, I found out that my unborn son has an abnormally large head. I have an abnormally small and narrow pelvis, and I'm allergic to local anesthetic, so no epidural or spinal for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 175

You deserved it 456

By Anonymous - 07/08/2017 05:00

Today, I traveled to my hometown for a funeral. I'm staying with my family in the house I grew up in. My dad told me they'd "completely renovated" the house. There's still only one bathroom for the seven of us and I'm sleeping on the floor for the entire two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 154

You deserved it 423

How could you?

By damnitsam - 06/08/2017 20:00

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 375

You deserved it 421

Ready for the grill!

By boopingsnoot - 05/08/2017 20:00

Today, at work, the chest freezer was accidentally turned off. I work at a vet and the freezer is our morgue. It got opened before anyone realized the contents had thawed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 050

You deserved it 314

Moment ruined

By Lesbian - 04/08/2017 13:00

Today I took my girlfriend to the cafe where we had our first date, with the intention of proposing. Moments before I took the ring out, some sleazy old guy said, "How are you two fine babes single on a Saturday?" He refused to leave us alone, even when we said we were on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 997

You deserved it 536

Time to grow a beard?

By Ben - 03/08/2017 23:00 - United States - Lansing

Today, my girlfriend told me she won't have sex with me anymore. When I asked her why, she said I've lost too much weight and I look like her son. Her son is 4 feet tall & 9 years old. I'm 6 feet tall & 30 years old. She said having sex with me feel like having sex with her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 960

You deserved it 469

By petmosch - 04/08/2017 00:30

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 268

You deserved it 2 438

Potty drama

By NeverEndingBathtime_ - 03/08/2017 20:00

Today, my two year-old is being potty trained. He got the gist of it and actually did #1 and #2 in the potty and after our little celebratory dance, I went to get him a cookie (which took me two seconds). I come back to see him covered in shit and pee because he tried to go empty the potty himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 744

You deserved it 1 091

Mommy Goes Commando

By Anonymous - 03/08/2017 13:00

Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 297

You deserved it 2 825

#LurkerForLife

By Anonymous - 03/08/2017 05:00

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead that the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 776

You deserved it 1 100

By DosSantos - 03/08/2017 00:30

Today, I returned from a trip to Budapest with more condoms than I had brought with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 466

You deserved it 959

"Pooping and Shit"

By everybodypoops - 02/08/2017 20:00

Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 879

You deserved it 545

By egnur_mas - 02/08/2017 17:44

Today, while manscaping in the shower, I found out that things can still get caught in the clippers, even with a guard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 098

You deserved it 772

egnur_mas tells us more.

egnur_mas 19

Wednesday 2 August 2017 13:54

Bridger you're on the right track mate, I'll have to take a little more care from now on. Considering the circumstances I'm still pretty stoked to have my first submitted FML published!

By GLX - 02/08/2017 06:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, I woke up to the rickety old ceiling fan above my bed crashing down on top of me. I'm fine, however I am now grounded until I can buy a new ceiling fan to replace the one I "broke". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 993

You deserved it 303

By Kristen Duncan - 01/08/2017 20:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I just drank a sip of beer and felt something so I spit it out... It was an earwig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 544

You deserved it 426

By fuckmee - 01/08/2017 05:00

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend a few years after I slept with his boss and got him fired. He is now a multi-millionaire investor and won't take me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 20 813

By Anonymous - 31/07/2017 12:00 - United States - Hurricane

Today, at work, I wanted to scare my best friend, who is also my coworker. Thinking that he was cleaning the women's bathroom, I snuck in and right when I was about to scare him, my store director came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 910

You deserved it 3 844

By now my watch begins - 31/07/2017 04:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 871

You deserved it 997

Time to invest in a gas mask!

By crystalxuk - 31/07/2017 18:18 - Republic of Korea

Today, after living in Korea for 6 months due to my husband's military career, doctors finally found out why I've been sick since I've been here. I'm allergic to the air. The air quality is so bad here that it is making me sick. Only 2 more years to go before we get moved again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 142

You deserved it 395

crystalxuk tells us more.

crystalxuk 25

Monday 31 July 2017 3:22

After years of being on FML, I finally get featured! It started about 2 weeks after we got here and I basically have hives, am very itchy, and have severe allergies. All this has made me very depressed for months I just stay at home with the windows closed and the air cleaner on because it gets worse whenever I go outside. So the Army is letting us apply for "compassionate reassignment" which lets us move to our next army base earlier than we are supposed to. Hopefully it gets approved!

By Jules - 31/07/2017 05:00

Today, I bought a new cannister and it came with a label that said "Cookies" so I carefully scanned and photoshopped it to say "Coffee". Then I opened the cannister to find 11 double-sided bilingual labels -- including "Coffee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 2 580

By Smokey - 31/07/2017 00:30

Today, I found out that my neighbours are mad at me because I smoke. I don't smoke on the balcony, I walk away from the apartment complex so that they won't be affected by my bad habit. They're still mad at me because they can still see me. Didn't know that you could smell with your eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 550

You deserved it 895

By Johna Richardson - 30/07/2017 20:00

Today, after my boyfriend ignored me for hours playing video games, he gave me some attention for a little bit. When I tried to run my fingers through his hair, I missed and punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 935

You deserved it 825

By Mary - 30/07/2017 05:00

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 683

You deserved it 590

Corolla Conspiracy

By Anonymous - 30/07/2017 00:30

Today, I was talking to one of the advisors at my job about how almost everyone in the workplace who owns a Toyota has strangely been in some sort of car accident in the last year. I happen to have a Toyota. Guess who was rear-ended at an intersection after leaving work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 077

You deserved it 534

By Anonymous - 29/07/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 471

You deserved it 452

My Love Life in a Nutshell

By shadybarbie - 29/07/2017 13:00

Today, I was at a concert and I thought the cute drummer was winking at me, so I winked back. Then I realized he was blinking sweat out his eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 516

You deserved it 890

Everybody wants to be a cat

By azouwa - 29/07/2017 05:00

Today, I caught my 10 year-old in the closet, naked, on his hands and knees, eating cat food straight from the bag. He'd torn a hole in the side of the bag, cat food was everywhere. We have plenty of food in the house, but he wants to be a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 912

You deserved it 521

By Divorce? - 29/07/2017 00:30

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 018

You deserved it 603

By Fatherdaughter - 28/07/2017 11:21

Today, I was having a chat with a fellow veteran I bumped into at a car show. He ended the conversation by turning to my dad and saying, "you're lucky to catch a young honey like this." Then went on to ask if we'd tried anal yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 241

You deserved it 454

C8H18 tells us more.

C8H18 33

Friday 28 July 2017 9:05

OP here. My dad walked off acting like he hadn't heard anything as I yelled, "That's my FATHER!"

Keywords

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The Top

Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 9

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 448

You deserved it 34 798

The Top

Today, I went on a lunch date with a guy I used to work with. When the conversation got dry, I asked him if he went by “Chris” or “Christopher” these days. His name is Daniel. My brain knew my mistake as I said it. Just when I thought the silence couldn’t get more awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 437

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 941

You deserved it 3 244

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 767

You deserved it 3 825

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 777

You deserved it 1 557

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 596

You deserved it 5 707

Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 142

You deserved it 1 458