All the FMLs

By MG73 - 02/11/2015 04:16 - United States - Scarborough

Today, I now need to include in my prerequisites for a potential date, "Must not pull a knife out on one of my guy friends for hugging me." I'm so done with online dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 003

You deserved it 2 388

MG73 tells us more.

MG73 9

Monday 2 November 2015 19:31

OP here. For some clarification, it was only our second time hanging out. I did introduce him to my guy friend so he wouldn't feel insecure. We were all leaving, I hugged my friend bye since to me, that is just a casual thing, and he went crazy. I'm just glad I found out what he's like early on.

By sabotaged - 02/11/2015 00:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, I got fired from my dream job. I found out today that the girl who trained me lied and taught me how to do things wrong, so that when she got back from maternity leave, she could get me fired and take her job back. My new coworkers were in on her plan from the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 867

You deserved it 1 589

By 2pale - 01/11/2015 18:22 - United States - Humble

Today, after years of difficulty, I finally found the perfect shade of foundation that matches my ultra-pale complexion. It's called "Death Flesh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 477

You deserved it 2 353

By Anonymous - 01/11/2015 15:12

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 314

You deserved it 1 332

By lacsmac2 - 01/11/2015 14:10 - Australia

Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 611

You deserved it 2 682

By duckthisspit - 01/11/2015 03:23 - United States - Grand Marsh

Today, I threw away a bunch of candy wrappers from my pocket, I also managed to throw away $20. That was the only money I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 500

You deserved it 11 516

duckthisspit tells us more.

duckthisspit 12

Monday 2 November 2015 2:44

Hi everyone, op here, the reason I had wrappers in my pocket was because I was handing out candy for Halloween at my friends house and cleaned up wrappers from eaten candy, forgetting that I had money in my pocket because I got it before I went home to put it in my wallet. While I was throwing it away I just grabbed the war of junk out of my pocket and I was having a conversation with my friend so I didn't notice the money in there while shoving it in the trash. I can't go back to my friends house because he lives very far away, I have texted and called him to ask if he can at least look for it for me and he has not replied. Happy Halloween!

By RandomLG94 - 31/10/2015 20:35 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 025

You deserved it 1 577

By guessthatsatrickthen - 31/10/2015 17:19 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of trick or treaters. It was actually a naked man. He wanted to come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 179

You deserved it 1 973

False alarm

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 16:41 - United Kingdom - Houghton Le Spring

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 727

You deserved it 5 928

Thanks, I hate it

By It wasnt even that close - 31/10/2015 13:23 - Germany - Herford

Today, while shopping, I stepped a bit closer to a couple that stood in front of a display. The girl then shot me a nasty look, grabbed her boyfriend and started pointedly making out with him. I was just trying to buy some butter. But thanks for reminding me how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 594

You deserved it 1 844

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 07:19 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 994

You deserved it 1 912

Empty gesture

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 05:44 - Canada - London

Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 975

You deserved it 1 798

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 05:10

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 214

You deserved it 2 644

By Chelsey5279 - 31/10/2015 04:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm boring and never go to the bar with him. He knows I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 317

You deserved it 2 226

Chelsey5279 tells us more.

Chelsey5279 6

Saturday 31 October 2015 21:19

I wasn't planning on commenting if this got published, but I decided to create an account to thank you guys for your supportive comments. I also wanted to add that I do know I'm better off, it's just difficult because we have a daughter together. Thankfully I have an amazing support system around me and I don't have to deal with this by myself

By MyLifeSucksSoHar - 31/10/2015 01:49 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I discovered that I don't have enough financial aid to continue going to college past this semester. I'm one semester away from graduating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 383

You deserved it 1 923

MyLifeSucksSoHar_fml tells us more.

MyLifeSucksSoHar_fml 9

Tuesday 3 November 2015 0:07

OP here. To further clarify my situation, I'm working two jobs on top of being a full-time student and it's still not enough. The problem is, the government insists that a person with two jobs should have enough to pay for college so they've reduced the amount of money I can get - never mind that since I only have a high school diploma, I can only get minimum wage. Plus, I don't have any credit established - so I can't get any other loans.

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 00:47 - United States - Pensacola

Today, my parents searched my younger sister's phone because she had been acting suspiciously. I asked my mom if she was going to search mine too. She laughed and said, "Sweetie, your phone is probably even duller than mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 826

You deserved it 2 862

By Lydlsis - 30/10/2015 23:53 - United States

Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 749

You deserved it 4 623

By Anonymous - 30/10/2015 22:22 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 880

You deserved it 2 649

By prick - 30/10/2015 21:53 - United States - Dover

Today, as I rung up a customer's groceries, he gave me a pitying look and said I'd have a "real job" if I'd only studied harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 959

You deserved it 2 166

By whythebunny - 30/10/2015 18:56 - United States - Bastrop

Today, in an effort to look more professional at work, I wore high heels. My boss decided today would be a great day for me to walk around on the sidewalk holding a sign to advertise instead of doing the job I was hired for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 746

You deserved it 2 370

By an egg - 30/10/2015 13:43 - United States - Livonia

Today, when I went out to get some groceries with my mother, a small girl came up to me and said I was an "ugly egg" because I'm a bald girl. I had to shave my head in order to have brain surgery to relieve me of the symptoms of my neurological disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 579

You deserved it 1 639

Happy for you

By Anonymous - 30/10/2015 13:27 - United Kingdom - Tranent

Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 939

You deserved it 3 747

By GonnaLockUpMySpices - 30/10/2015 01:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 945

You deserved it 1 833

By Anonymous - 29/10/2015 20:53 - United States

Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 445

You deserved it 1 651

By sparky83000 - 29/10/2015 20:51 - Canada

Today, at work on a construction site, my coworker dropped a small piece of metal from 4 stories, and it struck another worker. We quickly began to climb down to see if the person was OK, and the same coworker dropped a metal pole, and crushed my hand, two minutes after the first accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 164

You deserved it 1 452

By caroline - 29/10/2015 20:02 - Germany

Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 334

You deserved it 2 938

By Fat Jon - 29/10/2015 19:43 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 743

You deserved it 2 826

By cpizzle12 - 29/10/2015 10:20 - United States - Manassas

Today, I got fired from my job a week before I started my new position in a different area of the company. My supervisor found out I was going to be making more money than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 033

You deserved it 1 602

cpizzle12 tells us more.

cpizzle12 7

Wednesday 18 November 2015 7:37

UPDATE: I talked with VP of sales s( he was going to be my new boss) .. And apparently something much more is going on that involves HR. HR drama going on I guess.. He will be further investigating this week and questioning the head HR lady that fired me. He called me today to get my side of the story.. Also asked me to email my resume to him. Lord willing the truth will be revealed!! I will update later when I find out more!