Awkward

Alexa, play "Communication Breakdown" by Led Zeppelin

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 04:00

Today, I've always needed to share stories about things that made me upset to my boyfriend, and I thought he was my safe place to do so. I've always talked to him, and so has he. If he got upset, he'd tell me what's bothering him. Now he says he doesn't like it because I always talk to him about it. Now I have no one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 201

Freudian slip

By Pinsky - 27/08/2023 22:00

Today, my girlfriend met an old family friend who I used to hate. Their interaction was courteous, but included the jab that he'd lost a bunch of weight after High School, while I'd packed it on. That night during sex, she called me by his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 116

Bladder control

By Anonymous - 27/08/2023 14:00

Today, while driving my son and his friend home, I was so frantic to pee, I was bouncing up and down in my seat. I stopped and ran into a store but it was too late. There was a line and I made it 11 seconds. I was radiating heat from the humiliation of walking past dozens of people after peeing my pants. I even apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 158

Fight, flight, or freeze

By Anonymous - 27/08/2023 12:00 - Papua New Guinea - Port Moresby

Today, I ran into someone I'd never had a crush on in school, but because I've realised we have a lot in common, I get nervous whenever I see him. I was so near to him while paying for food that I had an anxiety attack, and had to leave quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 293

High school reunions blow anyway

By Spaceballs - 27/08/2023 00:02

Today, I got an invite to my high school reunion. With visions of wowing my former classmates, I set about starting a diet and exercise regimen. The universe had other plans. On my first run out in the fields, I managed to trip over an invisible pebble, fall into a puddle, and fuck my ankle up. The only thing I'm reuniting with now is my couch and a bag of ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 210

Based surfer dude moment

By Kelly - 26/08/2023 16:00

Today, I was admiring a hot surfer with my friend when he approached us. I was prepared to give him my number but instead he said, “If I was staring at you two in your bikinis the way you two were ogling me, i’d go to jail. I’m old enough to know your dad by the way, have some respect.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 1 572

Please leave

By acrobat - 24/08/2023 20:00

Today, I thought it would be fun to make a grand entrance at a party by doing a backflip through the door. I misjudged the height of the door frame, crashed my shins into it, and landed on my face right on a pile of shoes by the door. The host asked if I needed an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 1 330

Haha

By Anon - 24/08/2023 10:00 - France

Today, I finally thought it was time to confess my feelings to my crush. I wrote and rewrote my DM for a long time, only to send them a meme about penguins instead of the heartfelt message. They replied with a confused, "haha". FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 658

Message in a bottle

By Anonymous - 24/08/2023 06:00

Today, I was at hospital and the nurse asked me for an emergency contact number. I was about to say my wife, but she divorced me last month. I couldn’t think of anyone else. My parents are dead, none of my other relatives live in this country, and I have no children or friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 112

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent my fuckbuddy a sexy message about what I wanted to do in bed with him next time we meet. He responded with, "oki doki". FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 473

Coinkydink? I think not

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 20:00

Today, my husband and I ran into his high school girlfriend at the mall. We were catching up and my husband told her that we have a daughter. She asked what our daughter's name, but my husband hesitated and tried to change the subject, so I told her it was Juniper. That was her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 137

Bad sitter

By Kelli - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 385

You deserved it 42 959

City boy

By Where? - 23/08/2023 08:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went on a hike with friends, but as I'm the worst outdoorsperson because I rarely venture outside of the city, I ended up getting lost in some woods after straying from our group. I ended up having to call 911 to be rescued. My friends will absolutely not let me live this ordeal down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 840

Barbie squeaks

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Switzerland - Ruschlikon

Today, my boyfriend told me I sound like a squeaky toy during sex, and asked if I could get it under control because it creeps him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 490

You deserved it 4 670

Time to leave

By Anonymous - 22/08/2023 08:00

Today, my ex called me, apologetic about her mistakes, and saying she realised she wants to be with me. I eventually agreed to coffee, just to see if the old spark was still there. I ended up leaving after 0.0000005 seconds. She was 6 months pregnant with some other dude's baby. I wasted my afternoon for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 173

Work it!

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, my man said, "If you get more sore from your workouts than from having sex with me, I’m gonna cry!" Uhm… I do serious weight training, and in bed we both enjoy the missionary position, so… sorry for your ego, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 157

Doghouse

By Krissi - 21/08/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I was late for a video conference with my boss. As I frantically tried to fix my messy hair, my dog thought it was the perfect time to play fetch. I ended up joining the meeting with a squeaky toy in hand and an appearance that would make a scarecrow look put together. My boss found it hilarious, but I'm pretty sure my career aspirations are now in the doghouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 513

Dirty protest

By Paul - 21/08/2023 00:02

Today, I had a job interview; unfortunately for me, I was so nervous that all of a sudden I felt the need to take a huge dump. My bowels started growling out of protest. I tried to play it off as if it was due to me being hungry, but it sounded like I had a monster trapped in my guts. The interviewer raised an eyebrow in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 113

My type of dude

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, I realized I have a type: a man who is highly intelligent to begin with, but then either decides to apply his IQ exclusively to theoretical thinking and not real life, or who purposely dulls his wits to the point where you can hardly even have a conversation any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 209

Next step: Love

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I was helping my boyfriend of 8 years set up his Google Mini after he complained a thousand times that it wasn't working. As I successfully set up, I got to the part where one can set up speed dial contacts and we looked for my contact on his phone. I saw my name was saved as 'Lust'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 159

The neighbor from hell

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, armed with enthusiasm and a trowel, I ventured into my yard to plant some flowers. Not even five minutes later, I managed to dig up the cable line, cutting off not only my TV but the entire building's internet. The only thing that's blooming now is my reputation as the least popular neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 640

Good intentions

By Joe666 - 19/08/2023 20:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I decided to declutter my closet and donate old clothes. Proud of my altruism, I packed everything into bags and drove to the donation center. As I handed over the bags, the volunteer looked at me sympathetically and said, "We're not accepting donations right now." So not only did I just Marie Kondo my wardrobe, I also managed to be a one-person traffic jam for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 145

That's not my name

By noname - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Alexandria

Today, I found out that my fellow marching band mates all refer to me as "The short girl with big tits" because none of them can remember my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 682

You deserved it 4 592

I'm new to all this!

By Anonymous - 18/08/2023 20:00

Today, I tried to parallel park in front of a crowd. After several failed attempts, someone shouted from a window above, "Nice 23-point turn, dumbass!" I was practicing on an empty street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 247

Mean Girls

By i won’t sit with them - 18/08/2023 07:00 - United States - Azusa

Today, I got real life Mean Girled at school. The class was discussing former jobs and I mentioned that I used to be a stripper before enrolling in nursing school. No one has talked to me since, and I haven’t felt this excluded since I was the weird kid in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 337

Could be useful in the right circumstances

By ThisIsYourDoc - 18/08/2023 14:00 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, I finished the rather expensive Arabic language course I have been taking for about 6 months. I still can't hold a conversation, but I can now say, "May Allah give you a headache and you are stuck in Beirut's traffic for two hours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 158

Thanks, I hate it!

By thanks for reminding me - 18/08/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, I was reduced to a blubbering mess at my baby shower. My mom bought tons of clothes, bibs, etc. Sounds nice right? Well, they all had sayings like "Daddy’s Little Princess" and "Daddy’s Girl." She knows full well my fiancé quit his job, changed his number, and disappeared without a trace 3 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 129

Confused?

By UghIgiveup - 18/08/2023 04:00

Today, the new person that I was supposed to train didn't show up for the second time in a row. They only had one session with me, and nobody is able to tell me what I'm doing wrong. This is the third time in two years. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 112

I didn't agree to this

By Anonymous - 17/08/2023 20:00

Today, like every day, my baby mama is bashing me on social media for not wanting to be involved with my kid's life. What she conveniently leaves out is she got my used rubber out of the trash to impregnate herself because she thought I would leave her soon. I already pay child support, so why can't she just leave me alone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 224

Risky move

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 985

You deserved it 3 892

Keywords

Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Animals Awkward Smells Love Miscellaneous Embarrassing Painful Health First Dates Work Christmas Music Grieving Social Media Anniversary Boredom Intimacy Abuse Ironic Drunk Transportation AITA Alcohol Am I overreacting? Gun control Kids Parents

The Top

Today, even though my bitch of a baby mama makes ten times what I make, the courts are still forcing me to pay child support for the two kids I never wanted. I’m way too busy with my life to have custody of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 863

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 794

You deserved it 3 231

The Top

Today, I experienced the horror of walking in on my best friend fondling his tits. Yes, "his". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 826

You deserved it 3 274

Today, I received a letter from my college telling me that my instant tuition was revoked and I’ll have to pay almost twice as much next semester. Yesterday, I received the same letter. I guess they needed to tell me twice. It hurt just as much the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 755

You deserved it 256

Today, after six weeks of dealing with various exterminators, my roommate and I were about to toast to what we were told was a wasp-free room. That's when we noticed several much smaller wasps flying around. Not only is our wasp problem not solved, but our room is a wasp breeding ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 103

You deserved it 1 463

Today, I watched as my friend played dead to see how her cat would react. She got upset when he just sniffed her hand and walked away. I tried to explain to her that he was smart enough to figure out she was faking it, but I got called a "know-it-all." Jeez, sorry that cats are more intelligent than you thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 149

Preparation is key!

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 67

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 301

You deserved it 3 268