Dogs

Cats rule, dogs drool

By Saved - 11/04/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 88

Countersuit

By SientoBenteCar - 11/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 85

Bye bye doggie

By Anonymous - 14/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, our chocolate Labrador ran away. My dad adopted it because he really wanted a hunting dog, promising he'd be in charge of its training and feeding. I ended up getting saddled with that instead. The dog was so hyper it was untrainable, and dad blamed me when it burst out of its kennel and bolted into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 123

Idyllic

By Anonymous - 09/03/2024 20:00 - Netherlands - Valkenswaard

Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 752

Be careful out there

By Burningeyes - 09/03/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when a lady approached me, commented how beautiful she was, and asked to pet her. I obliged and next thing I knew I was pushed to the ground and maced. She made off with my dog. The police is unable to locate them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 75

STOP! BAD DOG!

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, the family dog escaped and I ran after her. She started attacking a random dog, so I started clapping and yelling, trying to get her attention. After I got her away, my hands started swelling. I clapped my hands so hard that they're swollen and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 457

Good boy

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and ever since my girlfriend insisted we needed a dog, our lives have been taken over by the little bastard. She can’t leave without him chewing everything from separation anxiety. He bites me if I so much as walk near him. Neither of us want him anymore but she feels too guilty to rehome him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 274

RIP Dipper

By Anonymous - 29/02/2024 21:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, I made the mistake of watching The Daily Show clip where Jon Stewart talks about losing his dog, and it made me think of my dog I lost. Then, right on cue, the song "Every Breath You Take" came on. Now I'm waiting for my doctor's office to open and sobbing in the car, with people staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 205

Stop trying to make fetch happen

By Frankie - 24/02/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I thought it would be cute to teach my dog a new trick in which I throw and then he brings me back a rolled up newspaper. He disappeared after it, then successfully returned with what turned out to be my neighbor's dirty boxer shorts. Apparently, my dog has a different definition of "fetch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 145

Bad doggies

By Fuck dogs, I need a treadmill - 23/02/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I went for a walk. I was repeatedly barked at, and almost attacked, by nearly a dozen dogs. I have cynophobia from being nearly killed by violent untrained dogs on several occasions, so just hearing a dog bark gives me severe heart palpitations. I'm not kidding when I say I almost had a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 168

Do a backflip!

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 140

Practice run

By Oops - 18/02/2024 05:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I went to console my cousin because I'd heard that her dog had passed away. As I opened the door, the first thing I saw was her extremely old and feeble (but still very much alive) dog. Turns out my friend was talking about HIS cousin, and I simply misheard. Trying to explain that to her was mighty awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 173

A cheap holiday in other people's misery

By Blunt w/chip on shoulder - 06/02/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I came to visit a friend I haven't seen in 3 years for a fun 2 month vacation of you know what. She has 2 more dogs now and soon as I stepped in her place after flying across the country, there were 2 piles if dog crap on the ground. I already want to fly out of here, and this is only day one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 496

Instant cure

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 579

You deserved it 4 949

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I'd finally got home from a 15-hour shift at work and wanted to lay down and eat. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, went to my room, and sat it on my bed. My dog then jumped right on my bed and yanked the sheets off, causing the cereal to fly everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 238

The ending of Lost explained

By Morgan - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 862

You deserved it 30 067

Naughty girl

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice, then we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside, she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 062

You deserved it 3 815

Bad boy

By MikeIsMaster - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - South Africa

Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 585

You deserved it 5 360

This means war

By Anonymous - 24/12/2023 16:00 - United States - New York

Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 148

The left hand, the right hand

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 828

You deserved it 42 516

New friend

By Anonymous - 13/12/2023 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my kids got me a dog to replace the dog who died last year. I don’t like dogs, our old dog was my deceased wife’s dog, and I never liked it. I cared for the dog until it died of old age and fully intended to never get another one. Now I have a hyperactive puppy destroying my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 199

Puppy love

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom is pissed and grounded me when I didn’t show girlish, squealing enthusiasm when she went out and came home with a dog; a big dog. I hate dogs, there is no creature I despise more than dogs. I prefer spiders to dogs, and she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 342

Jealousy

By Karine - 05/12/2023 00:00 - France - Bordeaux

Today, my dog has a better social life than I do. He has more playdates scheduled than I have actual human plans this month. I'm officially my dog's social secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 218

Bad boy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 277

You deserved it 5 309

Doggy dog world

By Simon E - 03/12/2023 10:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I was in a Teams call with my work team, and I was getting really annoyed at a woman in the team just waffling on about nothing, I yelled, "Just shut up you fat pig, shut up!", not knowing my mic was unmuted, I had to lie, saying I was yelling at my dog for barking. Not sure anyone believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 1 050

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 29/11/2023 00:00

Today, I got to my log cabin after an hour's hiking. I lit the fire because it was freezing and my stupid dog sniffed the fire, looked me in the eye, then jumped right into the fire and knocked the logs everywhere. My cabin is now ashes and I had an hour's hike back to my car with my stupid dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 184

Tasty

By chew toy - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 553

You deserved it 962

Bad boy

By Shiva - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - France - Niort

Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 788

You deserved it 9 674

Not the smartest

By ugh Buck! - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 478

You deserved it 4 551

Second class citizen

By crapped on - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 561

You deserved it 4 261

Keywords

Animals Cats Embarrassing Christmas Health Work Awkward Anniversary Love Boredom Intimacy Abuse Ironic Drunk AITA Am I overreacting? Transportation Alcohol Gun control Kids Parents Language Mysterious Noise Relatable Money Miscellaneous Food Delivery Family

The Top

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 643

You deserved it 29 280

Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is on December 19th, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 211

The Top

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 453

You deserved it 39 391

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 457

You deserved it 4 533

Today, I had managed to avoid any mention of who won Big Brother because I couldn't watch it live, and I had planned to watch it on replay tonight. All was going to plan until my arsehole brother sent me a text that simply said, "Spoiler alert: Ali won." FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 191

Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 1 008

Today, I got a 4-hour Saturday detention as a punishment for skipping a regular detention. We had to wear full school uniforms, then sit at our desks in silence and write long boring punishment essays. It was HORRIBLE. I don't think schools should be allowed to detain and punish pupils on a Saturday. Do you agree? FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 2 010

Today, walking in the woods, I heard someone screaming like crazy. First I thought it might be a hurt animal, but then I heard syllables in the screams. When I yelled, “What’s going on there?!” there was only silence. It was so creepy, I’m too scared to walk my dogs there now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 179