Dogs

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 12/09/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I tried to sound sexy by sending a well-rehearsed voice message to my crush. My dog started barking loudly in the background, so I ended up sending a second message of me screaming, "Shut UP, Kevin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 385

They see me rollin'…

By Anonymous - 11/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I finally give rollerblading a try, since it looked so effortless. I put on all the gear and started skating down the street. Within seconds, I lost control, crashed into a garbage bin, and rolled directly into my neighbor's yard. I was so embarrassed that I just lay there pretending I was "just fine, really" while their dog licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 436

Thoughts and prayers

By poordog - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote, "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote, "I hope she does." It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote, "I hope she dies" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 567

You deserved it 9 423

Such a rush

By lukey101 - 01/09/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I checked my Ring cameras while at work. Ridiculously, my overweight pug-dog managed to climb up onto the ironing board and seemingly couldn’t get down. I valiantly rushed home to rescue, only for him to immediately jump down unassisted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 416

Masterchef

By Anonymous - 21/08/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 162

Big baby

By pansypup - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 068

You deserved it 2 328

It's a gas gas gas

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 00:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my pug farted so much that I thought there was an actual gas leak. I kept checking the oven and making sure our C02 detector had batteries before I heard a squeaky fart come from my dog. Don't get a pug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 329

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 16:00 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dog when we passed by a group of teenagers. My social anxiety urged me to appear like a cool, confident adult, so I threw a stick for my dog to fetch, expecting him to dash off as usual. Instead, he sat down and stared at me like I was crazy. One of the kids said, “He’s got more sense than you.” My dog barked in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 437

Sweep it under the rug

By Anonymous - 12/08/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 489

My sweet Buddy

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 21:00 - United States

Today, my husband is upset that I refuse to sign off on a loan for $10k for an experimental surgery on his 11 year-old chronically ill dog. It will ultimately put more trauma on the poor creature, but he refuses to listen or let go. Not to mention the kids and mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 104

Thanks, Walt

By Anonymous - 31/07/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom - Kirkcaldy

Today, it turned out that letting my daughter watch '101 Dalmatians' backfired; our dog gave birth to two gorgeous pups but she can't stop crying and asking where 'the rest of them' went. Apparently she's been telling her friends all week that she'd soon have 15 puppies to play with, and now will never be happy again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 142

What is wrong with you?

By Anonymous - 25/07/2024 05:00

Today, our dog is a racist. No other way to say it. We’ve had her since she was born, raised her just like our other dogs, but every time we try to take her for a walk, if she spots a black person, any black person, she barks at them, and once almost bit someone. We don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 160

The chase

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 348

You deserved it 4 254

How could you?

By MaybeYOULLFindThisFunny - 15/07/2024 15:00 - United States - Seminole

Today, I hit a stray Chihuahua with my car, a little Taco Bell tan dog, ironically whilst taking my own chihuahua dog to a vet appointment, in full view of two kids no less. A roughly 10-12 year-old girl and her 8ish year-old brother, who were taking out their trash to the dumpster in the alley, saw the whole thing. I later cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 100

Summer lovin'

By I wish I was making this up - 15/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 112

Alexa, play "Ghosts" by Japan

By stuckathome - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 262

You deserved it 2 805

Bad doggo

By Aaron - 07/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the dog park and let him off the leash for a bit. He ran straight towards a group of people having a picnic, jumped on their blanket, and devoured half of their food before I could catch him. They were surprisingly forgiving, but I had to buy them lunch to make up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 816

Mud bogging

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 22:00 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I went to a park to relax and read a book. A dog came up and started sniffing me. I tried to shoo it away, but it sat on my lap, and refused to move. His owner came up to me, laughed, and said, "Congratulations, you've been chosen!" as I tried to get rid of the mud all over my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 157

Dog park blues

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 20:00 - Canada

Today, while dogsitting for a friend, I took their overly excitable dog to the park. The moment I unleashed him, he bolted, and I ended up chasing him for what felt like miles. When I finally caught him, I was covered in mud and my pants had a huge tear in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 657

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 18/06/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend apparently lied to me when he'd said we could get a dog one day. I bought a puppy for him in secret but as soon as he saw it he was all, "What the hell is that? We’re not keeping it." It’s now with his parents, as he didn’t want it overnight or even in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 776

RIP big dog

By Noah - 17/06/2024 20:00 - France

Today, I was supposed to bury my childhood dog at my mother's friend's place. I had to wake up at 5 a.m., spent two hours on the bus to be there in time, only for him to tell me that he'd actually buried my dog yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 79

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 17/06/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I came home to find my dog had not only shredded my favorite couch cushion but had also attempted to eat the TV remote. I have no idea how to change the channel manually. It looks like I'll be watching Animal Planet forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 229

Rural

By grossew - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my farm dog and I are spending the weekend in an urban area. She won't poop on concrete, so I directed her to a nice two-foot tall grassy median. As she vaulted up onto the median, two turds shot out of her ass and plopped right on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 449

Zero stars on Yelp

By Anonymous - 07/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I had to put my 12 year-old dog down because he had dementia. I was told I got to lay on the floor with him, and say when I was ready. The vet brought my dog out on a stretcher, had the vet tech put him in a choke-hold, and administered the drugs before I could speak. Now, I have PTSD and she has to undergo sensitivity training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 115

What happened here?

By Lisa - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 014

You deserved it 334

Clever boy

By Lisa87 - 21/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 94

High times

By Anonymous - 14/05/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I got home from working overnight and let the 2 dogs out of their crates. The oldest one (almost 9 years-old) was acting weird. He was shaking and couldn't stand up, let alone sit. I thought something was incredibly wrong. Nope, he just had gotten hold of 10 of my "treats" when my SO wasn't looking. Dude was high all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 602

Sneaky girl

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 10:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I came home from work to pet-sit 2 dogs and 3 cats, only to find the dispenser for the cat food empty. I'd filled the dispenser yesterday and thought I'd placed it where the dogs couldn't reach it after I left for work. The Labrador could in fact reach, and a week's worth of cat food is now in her stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 188

Petty

By Kamilah - 03/05/2024 14:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I learned that my husband “accidentally” let the dog out and allowed her to be eaten by an alligator because I got a male coworker, who is also a good friend of mine, a birthday present. We had an argument about our friendship, which apparently bothers him. I’d had that dog since I was a junior in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 143

Blocked and reported

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 140

Keywords

Animals Cats Work Awkward Christmas Health Embarrassing Love Anniversary Boredom Intimacy Abuse Ironic AITA Transportation Am I overreacting? Alcohol Drunk Kids Parents Gun control Language Noise Mysterious Relatable Money Food Delivery Miscellaneous Family

The Top

Today, we needed a new TV after our old one died. My husband decided to splurge and ordered a 110 inch TV. It just got delivered and my husband now knows just how big 110 inches is. There is no wall in our house this thing will fit on, and the returns process is crazy complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 161

Today, and for the last few months, I finally have enough money to be able to move into my own place. I can finally have girls over. I am also at the age of 26, where most girls stop wanting to go over to a guy's house. I wish I was 18 again, when independence is seen as new and sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 289

The Top

Today, I found out that after using several types of birth control, and being paranoid about pregnancy, I've been infertile for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 197

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 150

You deserved it 5 940

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 678

You deserved it 3 850

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 931

You deserved it 4 019

Today, I had to watch my drunk girlfriend yell at a cat for not having periods. The worst part is that she was at a pet store. The pet store at which I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 913

You deserved it 3 758

Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 279

You deserved it 1 534