Intimacy

By parent - 08/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 224

You deserved it 2 828

Incognito IRL

By Stressed out mom - 07/03/2018 01:30

Today, my daughter confessed that she’s pregnant from a one-night stand with some guy she met on vacation in Florida a few months ago. The dirtbag never told her his last name and the phone number he gave her was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 157

You deserved it 3 327

By Backstabber<3 - 06/03/2018 19:00

Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I loved him, he revealed that he cheated on me, that his side chick is pregnant, and that he has the clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 249

You deserved it 492

Oops

By maybe time to adopt - 04/03/2018 15:00

Today, after my wife and I have been trying for a baby for 2 years, I found out she's still on the pill. Apparently when she was a teen she had bad period cramps, so her doctor gave her the pill for the pain. She never realized it stops pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 525

You deserved it 1 165

By Anonymous - 01/03/2018 19:30 - United States - Greenville

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 045

You deserved it 1 749

By #MurrayShow - 27/02/2018 01:30

Today, my son was finally born. He was the perfect weight, as healthy as can be, and has his father’s dark, chocolate complexion. At least I’m guessing so, since both my wife and I are white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 787

You deserved it 520

By Anonymous - 25/02/2018 13:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, my younger brother, who still lives in our parents' basement and has never held a job in his life, announced that his girlfriend is pregnant with their third child. I'm a college graduate living on my own and I've never even had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 755

You deserved it 791

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 926

You deserved it 640

By Dxxk Biter - 20/02/2018 06:00

Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 215

You deserved it 727

Skinny love

By Too much skin? - 18/02/2018 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 693

You deserved it 385

By ... - 18/02/2018 01:30

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 392

You deserved it 5 627

Some people are so... creative.

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 06:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 413

You deserved it 1 587

By pissedoffexgirlfriend - 15/02/2018 06:00

Today, I went to go surprise my long distance boyfriend at college 7 hours away. As I opened his apartment door, I saw him on the couch fucking his “study buddy”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 967

You deserved it 588

How romantic!

By dislocated - 14/02/2018 20:30

Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 708

You deserved it 868

By Anonymous - 11/02/2018 15:00

Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 748

You deserved it 1 277

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 19:00

Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 655

You deserved it 491

By Anonymous - 05/02/2018 19:00

Today, my boyfriends mom walked in on us having sex. She is partially blind so she couldn’t tell what was going on. She had a full conversation while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 154

You deserved it 887

By Pavlov Dog - 03/02/2018 19:00

Today, I "woofed" at a man on a gay dating site before realizing he's my Psych professor. Now during every lecture I'll never forget his nipples are pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 615

You deserved it 1 595

By Anonymous - 02/02/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my husband’s crazy ex girlfriend has not only moved to our area, but has also landed herself on his patient list. He’s a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 486

You deserved it 378

By anonymous - 30/01/2018 06:00

Today, I ended up in an awkward position during sex and dislocated my knee. My wife accused me of doing it on purpose to criticize her for being too fat and heavy for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 372

You deserved it 528

You want a piece of me?

By littlepeepboo - 30/01/2018 01:30

Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 118

You deserved it 447

Heart = Broken

By Anonymous - 27/01/2018 19:00

Today, I got my lady bits waxed for my man with a little heart-shaped landing strip. Later, as he removed my panties, he crinkled his nose and stated, "It looks like Donald Trump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 352

You deserved it 1 096

By fme - 27/01/2018 15:00

Today, my cousin came to visit from Texas. It would have been great if he hadn't groped me and whispered, "Incest isn't illegal" when he saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 839

You deserved it 360

Is that it?

By Better not - 24/01/2018 20:00 - United States - Kenai

Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 278

You deserved it 2 389

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 798

You deserved it 11 965

Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 084

You deserved it 39 621

The Top

Today, I took a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose and had a surprise: someone in our house seems to not have understood how TP works. In this case, the principle that it shouldn't stay on the roll once there is poo on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 104

Today, my live-in mother-in-law brazenly swiped most of the money from my wallet, then walked out of the room as if nothing had happened. The worst thing is that my wife believes anything she says, so I can't do a damn thing about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 635

You deserved it 4 580

Today, my boss gave me some mentorship. She told me, "You need to learn to let people do things for you. Until then, I'm going to micromanage your project because I want it done my way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 515

You deserved it 1 406

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 180

You deserved it 7 946

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 322

You deserved it 3 792

Today, my husband is upset because I’ve been turning him down when he tries to initiate sex as soon as I walk in the door. I work 12 hour shifts as an ER nurse and the thought of getting into bed without showering away all the day's germs repulses me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 154