Kids

Vengeance is mine

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 22:00

Today, my stepson told his class that I beat his mommy. I did beat his mommy… in Pokémon. He left that detail out, and now his entire school is treating me like a monster. My wife thinks it's hilarious, and says it's her revenge for me winning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 98

No fun allowed

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 10:00

Today, my wife has declared that, unless our son has finished his homework, I'm not to watch TV, play video games, read, use my phone, cook, or go outside, lest I "tempt him" to leave his work unfinished. Guess I'll just stare at the wall all afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 248

Delulu

By Favorite - 13/11/2023 15:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my mom scolded me for ruining my sister's "vacation" here. She just got deported from abroad, and was only gone for 2 months after falling for a marriage scam. Now she deludes to herself that she was born and raised there, and claims not to understand our mother tongue, calling it third world primate language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 97

Man's gotta have his biscuit

By Anonymous - 11/11/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, despite him having a truck and plenty of food in the house, my lazy dad woke me up early and forced me to get him a cup of coffee and a biscuit from the convenience store. They only had sausage biscuits. When I returned, he shot me a dirty look, ripped out the contents of the biscuit, and ate only the bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 88

Cornered

By blarg - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom, so I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then started yelling at me on Facebook, so I logged out of Facebook. She then started yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 214

You deserved it 27 876

Who are you?

By MotherNerd - 10/11/2023 18:00 - Netherlands - Halfweg

Today, we noticed some guy lurking nearby our house. In a few minutes, we saw that the TARDIS (the police box from Dr Who) replica that we built for our son in the backyard was on fire. This guy burned it because he "hates nerds." I don't even know him, he just saw the box somehow and decided to set it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 107

Congratulations!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2023 06:00

Today, I found out my daughter got married and didn’t even bother to tell anyone. She just turned up at a family get together with some random dude and introduced him as the guy she married two weeks ago while drunk. They’re now dating to see if the marriage will work out long term. I can’t even. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 153

You're on your own

By Anonymous - 10/11/2023 00:02

Today, almost half of my birthday party invitees are refusing to attend, simply because my mother-in-law is going to be there, and their hatred of her Karen-like behaviour is greater than their desire to celebrate my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 230

You played yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 105

You deserved it 49 220

Slight overreaction

By GiGib - 08/11/2023 06:00

Today, during my sister’s baby shower, my 3 year-old daughter choked on a piece of food. My sister got upset because this apparently attracted a lot of attention from the other guests, and called my daughter an “attention whore” for “choosing today of all days to make a damn scene.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 128

YouTube family channels be like

By Anonymous - 07/11/2023 10:00

Today, I’m so hungry. My parents only get food for my sister and I’ve been surviving on cheese sticks for the past week. I only have one left. I don’t get paid until next week. I’m so scared I’m gonna faint at the wheel instead of at home, where I’m usually able to sit down and get some water before I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 120

Neglected

By Story of my life - 06/11/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I was playing Wii Sports, trying to finally complete the "pick up spares" bowling game. My parents were behind me and said they would support me. After several failed attempts, I realized they had been on their phones the whole time, and were so engrossed that they didn't even look up when I spoke to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 658

Get me out of here

By mirabelle - 06/11/2023 03:00

Today, my mom screamed at me for not saying “Thank you” after she gave me food. Yesterday, she screamed at me for thanking her. I’m 24 and can’t afford to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 116

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

By Anonymous - 06/11/2023 00:02

Today, after my family left me at home for the weekend before finals while they went on vacation so I could focus on my studies, I spent the weekend watching my little cousins for no pay. It wasn’t an easy babysitting job either. I had to pay attention to and then re-enact basically every Bluey episode ever to exist, with no time to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 165

My mum is weird

By Anonymous - 03/11/2023 16:00

Today, my mum came to visit me in the country where I'm studying. We went out, and when she saw a dude eating something she liked the look of, she made me run after him to ask where he bought it. The guy was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 119

Off the rails

By Anonymous - 02/11/2023 06:00

Today, and for the past year, I’ve been losing a custody battle with my ex, I got put on medication that makes me feel dead, and I just found out my current boyfriend, who I’ve been dating for 3 years, has been cheating for months with girls I told him I didn’t have a good feeling about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 131

Nature vs. Nurture

By what??? - 01/11/2023 22:00

Today, I think my daughter is the only person in the world who was born racist. The other day she said to me, “Girls with dark skin can’t be pretty.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 171

Trick it is, then

By Tricked - 01/11/2023 09:00

Today, after a stressful shift at work, I bought three bags of candy to hand out to trick-or-treaters tonight. I didn’t realize until I got home that one bag had a hole in it, and there were three empty M&M wrappers inside. My grocery store sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 81

Shut up!

By Unfun funeral - 31/10/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I went to my uncle's funeral. His eulogy was ruined by an annoying little kid repeatedly talking over the pastor, who didn't pause for anything, no matter how many times his parents told him to stop. The complimentary lunch was horrible, and the hearse driving him to the cemetery got into an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 70

Nutshot

By Blue Nut Records - 31/10/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Delémont

Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 85

Parental disapproval

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 16:00

Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 73

Fury

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 04:00

Today, my parents are furious and are refusing to let me see my kids. Why? They're raising my kids after I lost them to foster care and I stopped fighting for custody, and just announced my pregnancy with my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 1 862

Not again

By Anonymous - 28/10/2023 16:00

Today, I was concerned I hadn’t restarted my periods yet after the birth of our first child. Turns out it’s because I’m pregnant again already. We must have gotten pregnant off the very first egg I released after giving birth. Our first baby is only 3 months old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 688

Hard no

By badsitter - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 676

You deserved it 382

Long term cringe

By Anonymous - 27/10/2023 08:00

Today, I realized that the reason why my classmates from second grade may have thought of me so poorly was that I stupidly told all of them that I was a bedwetter and needed to wear pull-ups during the night. I feel like a fool now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 210

The best costume design award goes to…

By Anonymous - 27/10/2023 06:00

Today, my son is so rabid for Halloween this year that he decided to dress up early and do his own Incredible Hulk makeup. He used a green permanent marker he stole from school. It’s all over him from head to foot, and my carpet, sofa, bathtub, and even the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 83

Bursting out

By Myth Confirmed - 26/10/2023 16:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, I overheard my brother telling my son and his male cousins, who all think he's a cool uncle, that, "Only women can sneeze and fart at the same time." I decided to intervene, and gave him a scolding of a lifetime in front of them. Let's just say, I had to sneeze while in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 441

Thanks for the info

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 635

Fight Club

By Back to youtube - 23/10/2023 22:00

Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 276

Dad of the year

By Anonymous - 23/10/2023 07:00

Today, my son has failed all his exams, no university will take him, he keeps getting fired from part time jobs for incompetence, and generally makes goldfish look smart in comparison. His mother refuses to admit she should have quit drinking while she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 261

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I'm incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 805

You deserved it 1 296

Today, after 10+ years of being best friends, I finally told my best friend "I love you" while we were on the phone. To which she said, "That's OK, but…" and continued the conversation. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much, or waited so long. We're both in happy marriages, with kids with other people now though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 916

The Top

Today, I witnessed someone giving medical advice that they got from ChatGPT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 119

Today, my parents went on holiday less than two hours ago. They’re probably still in the airport, and not even on the plane yet. In those two hours I spilled milk on dad's armchair, broke a door handle off a kitchen cupboard, and stepped on and broke the cat's tail so I’m now in the vet's waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 553

Today, we have three kids. Two were "natural" and our third was through expensive IVF. Of all three kids, only our IVF son turned out to be a real asshole. Now he’s going to jail for armed robbery and pushing a pregnant woman to the floor. Wish we’d saved that IVF money and paid off the mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 500

Today, a self check-in hotel charged me 50 bucks for an iPad charger I allegedly stole. On the security footage I can be seen removing a charger. It was my own charger that I'd plugged in because the iPad for the check-in didn't work and the charger was missing. I even contacted the helpline about it, which can be seen on the footage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 97

Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 226

You deserved it 158

Today, and almost every day, I find out that something "mean" or morally questionable my parents used to do to me when I was a kid is actually considered abusive. I've now come to the conclusion that I was a victim of pretty much every type of abuse (except for the physical kind) during my childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 181