Kids

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 04/12/2023 07:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 4 year-old daughter thought it was funny that the chicken on her plate and chickens on farms are called the same name. I had my mouth full so I couldn’t stop my rotten eldest son from saying, “That’s because chicken is dead chickens.” Cue her crying while my son cackled like a sociopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 480

Bad boy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 277

You deserved it 5 309

Ain't gonna end well

By Anonymous - 02/12/2023 18:00 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my abusive mom just moved into my house, within two weeks of me losing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 132

Well done!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 609

You deserved it 5 045

Mom of the week

By please come home - 30/11/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my son spilled his milk at the table. My wife got in his face and screamed that he took her body, her career, her friends, and her life from her, then stormed out of the house. He won't stop wailing and crying, she won't answer her phone, and I'm completely shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 227

Committed

By Anonymous - 29/11/2023 16:00

Today, I got home and once again my mom started shouting at me for ignoring her and never visiting. For context, I moved from London to Yorkshire to escape the evil cow. She not only found me, she bought the house next door to mine and moved in. I can’t afford to move again any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 96

Welcome to the neighborhood

By Username - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 3 237

Demon child

By PeanutlyDisabled - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 797

You deserved it 3 393

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 00:00

Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 1 038

Great parenting team goals

By mom05 - 27/11/2023 14:00

Today, I left my four month-old daughter with my boyfriend of three weeks so I could go shopping in peace. I came home four hours later to find her screaming, hungry, with a dirty diaper. When I asked why he didn't do anything to help her, he said, "Why should I? She's not my kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 1 813

Armchair psychologist

By Mom - 27/11/2023 07:30

Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 1 196

Entitled much?

By grandpa - 27/11/2023 05:00

Today, despite being the first to hold all my other grandchildren, despite my son and bitch of a daughter-in-law agreeing I would be the first, I showed up at the hospital to see my daughter-in-law's father holding my grandchild before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 2 424

Mystery

By Waheyyy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 610

You deserved it 8 245

Get it on, son

By Anonymous - 26/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was teasing my son about all the newlywed sex he must be having. He turned bright red and ended up admitting that because they stayed virgins until marriage they were too nervous to try on the wedding night, or on the honeymoon, or anytime since then. The wedding was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 451

Family bliss

By Teo - 27/11/2023 00:00 - New Zealand

Today, and most nights, my 17 year-old twins scream and shout while playing Fortnite. I asked if they could kindly not tonight, as I was tired and needed sleep. One told me I couldn't tell him to get off, he's allowed to play. I turned the WiFi off, which ended up with the other screaming and swearing how unfair i was. Now I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 285

Acceptance

By Anonymous - 26/11/2023 05:00

Today, I went to my son's parent teacher conference. Imagine my shock when I found out his second grade teacher is the girl I chastised at Walmart yesterday for being covered in trashy tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 880

I'm an empath

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 16:00

Today, after years of miscarriages and desperately wanting a child, I lost my temper and screamed at my sister after she announced she'd had an abortion last month. Now no one in the family will speak to me, since I referred to her adopted kids as, "Not really her children." FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 1 793

Never enough

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 205

You deserved it 3 951

Father material

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 07:30

Today, I did a pregnancy announcement with my boyfriend and our families. My boyfriend acted happy until we were driving home, then claimed I pressured him with witnesses, started to cry because he doesn’t want kids, and by the end was begging me to give it up for adoption. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 872

Open door policy

By Luke Sparacio - 24/11/2023 00:00

Today, while we were exploring a building, my dad and I somehow got separated. After about 30 seconds, I found him on the other side of a door, so I went to go through what I thought was a door. Instead, I smashed my head on a windowpane and collapsed to the floor in pain in front of 5 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 197

Narcissist Mom

By ItsYou - 22/11/2023 10:00

Today, my coworker was going on and on about how her son was nice and got good grades but that she needed to find him a therapist because he's too shy in class, and how she didn't want her friends to think badly of her. She's a counselor. I sat in silence for almost an hour, because all I could think was, "WTF? Poor kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 102

Vengeance is mine

By Anonymous - 22/11/2023 00:01

Today, I wouldn’t let my sister borrow my car, so she told our parents that I’m depressed and threatened to kill myself, which is a lie. My mom is on the phone to 999 trying to get me a 72-hour psychiatric hold in hospital, and every time I say it was a lie, my dad says I’m in typical denial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 104

All fall down

By Anonymous - 21/11/2023 15:00 - United States - Frederick

Today, I tried to go rollerskating with my kids. I wasn’t even able to fully stand up before I fell and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 135

Nice break

By Anonymous - 21/11/2023 14:00

Today, my parents went on holiday less than two hours ago. They’re probably still in the airport, and not even on the plane yet. In those two hours I spilled milk on dad's armchair, broke a door handle off a kitchen cupboard, and stepped on and broke the cat's tail so I’m now in the vet's waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 553

Annoyingly ingenious

By Anonymous - 21/11/2023 07:30

Today, my son's laziness has now reached such a low that he now can’t be bothered to drink his pop from a glass, he just sets up the big pop bottle next to his bed and drinks it through a flexible, two metre long rubber tube. I’d be impressed at the ingenuity if I weren’t so mad at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 180

Growing old gracefully

By Anonymous - 20/11/2023 06:00

Today, my youngest sister was Snapchatting a new guy and sent him a selfie with me in it. He responded, “Is that your mom?” I’m 26.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 120

Long time coming

By Anonymous - 19/11/2023 00:00

Today, our youngest child finally moved out of our house. I went to embrace my wife and say something romantic about us growing old together, but she said, "Thank God they're gone, I can finally leave you." An hour later, she was gone too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 166

Business is business

By Anonymous - 17/11/2023 06:00

Today, my best friend and I were taking bikini selfies in my backyard hot tub when I caught my little brother peeping and taking photos from around a corner behind us. Now I know how he can afford his vapes, despite not having a job and being in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 261

National Shite Day

By Anonyme - 17/11/2023 04:00

Today, I was trying to cope with my emotions so I could hold them back, but mom made it worse by inviting my niece, who is only attracted to my sister-in-law AKA Mommy, and she will cry till she gets her way. What a fucking day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 206

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 06:00

Today, I talked to a teenage girl that came in for debilitating constipation. Turns out she'd stopped drinking water and had been purposely holding her bowels because her new online boyfriend convince her it’s unattractive and unladylike for girls to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 96

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished, I jokingly said, "Who's going to sleep in the wet patch?" He got up and said, "You're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing." It was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 581

You deserved it 4 530

Today, I had to use my husband's vehicle. He has been spiraling into a mean, bigoted man. I got into his vehicle and the radio was on a station that was spewing weird stereotypes of women, and making fun of anyone who is not a hard supporter of a certain orange politician/businessman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 251

The Top

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 244

You deserved it 4 694

Today, I got in my car. When I sat down, I realized a cat had got in the back seat. The cat startled me so I jumped out and slammed the door. Locking myself out. I watched the cat scratch my seats up for an hour. I'm highly allergic to cats. I can't get in my own car without breaking out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 66

Today, the love of my life has moved a new girl into our house. Seeing him with her is agony. When they met, he told me I had nothing to worry about. Three hours after he'd said he wanted to get back together, she called him from a new permanent phone number, and now he acts like us getting back together never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 167

Today, my cat woke me up at 12 AM. After I told her to chill, I realized the mattress needed some air. Inflating it didn't work so I looked for the puncture wound. While trying to find a hot glue stick to patch it with, I got a thin shard of glass in my foot, which broke while I tried to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 108

Today, my nine year old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 098

You deserved it 5 376

Today, I washed my clothes in the shared laundry room. All my clothes came out smelling like smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 145