Language

Legend says she's still riding around

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 05:05 - Thailand

Today, I was trying to get to my boyfriend via public transport in Thailand. He was giving the driver instructions through my phone when my phone went flat. I am now alone in the passenger seat of a car, next to a creepy old driver, no idea where he is taking me, and I don't speak a word of Thai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 632

You deserved it 5 537

No comprendo

By Anonymous - 26/02/2023 16:00

Today, I got lost in a foreign city while on vacation and couldn't communicate with anyone, because I didn't speak the language and no one seemed to be able, or even wanted, to speak to me in mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 995

Mean Girls

By Anonymous - 03/12/2022 17:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my sister and I saw a guy with a terrible nose job coming up the bus. She said to me, "Look how ugly that guy is" in our native tongue. The man sat down right in front of us, took his phone out, and started talking our language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 1 964

How's about you go **** yourself, knobhead?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend of four years told me that I have a potty mouth and that I should clean it with Harpic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 321

Kwinoah?

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 02:30 - United States

Today, I found out that I've been pronouncing "quinoa" wrong for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 268

Deer in headlights

By Hujunnn0 - 30/07/2022 15:00

Today, at a Starbucks in China, when it was my turn to order, the handsome cashier locked eyes with me and asked me in perfect English what I wanted. All words in all languages that I can speak, including how to speak English, my mother tongue, left my brain as I stared into his beautiful eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 448

Lost in translation

By ohhhman - 10/04/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 702

You deserved it 58 251

What a * liar, dude! What a *, weaselly, little liar, dude!

By nohablaespanol - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Sanger

Today, I had an interview for a job I really wanted. On my resumé, I wrote that I speak conversational Spanish, although I don't. When I arrived for the interview, my interviewer decided to conduct it in Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 657

You deserved it 95 958

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 27/03/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's work to surprise him by speaking in Spanish, his first language. I've been taking classes secretly. He smiled, kissed me, and then finished telling his friend, in Spanish, that I'm boring and ugly but he's got nothing better going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119 402

You deserved it 6 432

Negging

By f*ck - 02/05/2012 16:22 - United States

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 315

You deserved it 98 427

What word was it?

By BigBall - 09/09/2023 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 710

J'ai rien compris

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 00:01

Today, my date dumped me after he took me to see a French language film and I was completely unable to follow the plot, or discuss the underlying philosophical and sociological themes and nuances afterwards. Apparently I’m not smart enough for him, which is just insulting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 232

Vamos arriba!

By rog3rli - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 414

You deserved it 12 957

Kinda rude

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I work as a cashier, and as always, I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I received a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 656

You deserved it 2 832

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 06/12/2015 13:07

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 053

You deserved it 1 980

Badmouth Strikes Again

By Melissa - 08/03/2020 14:00

Today, my 7-year-old sister had to tell my mom to watch her language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 163

Please be patient

By Anonymous - 31/05/2024 09:00 - Netherlands - Elspeet

Today, and since I moved to the Netherlands in 2021, I have been learning Dutch ever since then, and have reached a Dutch accent point (Southern). Today I was in a shop and was asking a cashier for something behind the counter in Dutch. They answered in English to my request, even though they were CLEARLY Dutch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 418

Back home

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 19:21 - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 045

You deserved it 5 369

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend got a sexy new tattoo as a surprise for me. It’s on her boob in Japanese, next to a pair of sexy lips, and she claims it says "Oral Queen." I'm fluent in Japanese so I wish she'd asked for my help first, because it actually translates to "Mouth Ruler" which is not sexy at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 227

Was?

By themildthings - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 865

You deserved it 24 456

I'm right here

By familyfued - 17/02/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the terrible things my parents say about my wife while visiting them. They speak in Arabic around us and I've never really been able to understand them. Guess who hasn't only brushed up on his Arabic, but spent the last 6 months teaching his wife… FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 995

You deserved it 406

Filtered

By Anonymous - 09/11/2024 20:00 - United States - Monterey

Today, as a teacher, I was grading some essays when I yet again came across the word "unalive" when discussing the assassinations of JFK and Abraham Lincoln. As in, "JFK was unalived." I know language inevitably mutates over time, but us teachers don't have demonetization filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 80

Decoding

By Anonymous - 19/09/2023 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I figured out my girlfriend's mother has various nicknames for me. My girlfriend and her family are from Poland and speak on the phone in their native tongue, but they don’t know I’ve been learning the language either. I heard her call me “idiot”, “loser”, “moron” and various other “nicknames” multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 120

Lost in translation

By ThatLove - 28/05/2023 00:02

Today, my boyfriend lamented that I do not profess my love for him as often and poetically as he does his for me. I try my best, but he's Italian and I am German, and this is not a level playing field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 163

What did I do?

By Gringo - 29/03/2022 22:00

Today, a gorgeous woman on a train told her friend she thought I was hot in Spanish, assuming I was a dumb gringo tourist. In fact, I speak Spanish fluently, my wife is Colombian, and she was standing right next to me. My wife can’t rationalize my street value, and made me sleep on the fold out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 254

Just dependa things

By Elis - 01/03/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marine's Girlfriend." I'm a straight 16 year-old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 750

You deserved it 4 786

Blissful ignorance

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 14:00

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the phrase "turn me on" does NOT mean "make me happy." At least not in the context she was using it. She was adamant that her definition was the correct one. I'm not sure I've convinced her what it actually means. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 158

It's all Double Dutch to me

By MahmoudA - 26/02/2023 02:00

Today, I was asked to translate for a family in Arabic since I’m the only one in my office who speaks Arabic. Turns out the family is actually from Bangladesh. They speak Bengali. When I explained this to my coworker he replied, “But aren’t y’all Middle Easterns related or something?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 94

So exotic

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 11:59 - United States - Marquette

Today, my mother met a new member of my band. He's a piano player from Mexico City. She introduced herself as my mother, then asked him if he spoke Spanish or Mexican. This lead to a long talk about how they speak Spanish in Mexico too. She didn’t believe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 110

Alexa, play "You made me realise" by My Bloody Valentine

By singleandthankful - 23/02/2013 23:18 - United Kingdom - Beaconsfield

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me out after I spelt "realised" with an S instead of a Z. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't both British, if he hadn't called me an "illiterate idiot", and if he hadn't muttered "family of morons" when my mum backed me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 257

You deserved it 4 868

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 465

You deserved it 13 482

Today, after 10+ years of being best friends, I finally told my best friend "I love you" while we were on the phone. To which she said, "That's OK, but…" and continued the conversation. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much, or waited so long. We're both in happy marriages, with kids with other people now though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 791

The Top

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Bieber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 845

You deserved it 3 097

Today, my sister made serious plans to move to another country to be closer to the married man she's having an affair with. She thinks this will force him to leave his family. I know who will have to listen to her whining when she is sitting all alone in a different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 132

Today, I accidentally got pregnant by my boyfriend of three years and now I’m 4 months pregnant, single and we don’t even talk anymore. The best part is that he doesn’t believe I’m pregnant, nor that it’s his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 478

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 018

You deserved it 4 135

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 486

You deserved it 4 947

Today, while driving my son and his friend home, I was so frantic to pee, I was bouncing up and down in my seat. I stopped and ran into a store but it was too late. There was a line and I made it 11 seconds. I was radiating heat from the humiliation of walking past dozens of people after peeing my pants. I even apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 158