Marriage

Cishet normative stereotypes are boring

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 14:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me to marry her, and I said yes. My parents were thrilled, but my brother is so immature, he couldn’t stop laughing that of two lesbians I’m the “girl” and my girlfriend is the “guy.” I swear I’m going to ban him from the wedding in case he tries to make a speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 262

Republicans scrap child marriage bans

By what year is this?! - 27/03/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out my 17 year-old cousin is getting married. My hyper religious family swears my concerns are just “masking” my jealousy. Yeah sorry for thinking such a young person, who is still a child, should have her own life before making such a huge decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 177

Bad omen

By KarmasPlaything - 14/08/2021 02:01 - United States - Shallotte

Today, I’m on vacation with my fiancé and his kids. We came to see a wedding venue. Too bad I severely sprained my ankle. I also sprained that same ankle when he proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 113

Get out

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 10:00

Today, I’m considering a divorce. My father-in-law has never liked me and is very vocal about that, names like "bastard" and "prick" are common. My wife is normally very headstrong and takes no nonsense, but she lets him treat me this way so she must agree with him. The wedding was only a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 185

Can't win

By yup0308 - 30/04/2021 23:01 - United States - Byron Center

Today, and for almost 6 years, my wife and I have had issues fighting when we’re drunk. I’ve always gotten/accepted the blame. I quit drinking to try and better our marriage. Now she wants a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 136

Alexa, play "Loveless" by My Bloody Valentine

By Anonymous - 16/04/2023 22:30 - Australia

Today, after enduring years in a sexless marriage, I asked my wife if she will make love to me ever again, to which she replied, "Probably not." Half an hour later she's talking about us going on a trip to Egypt next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 259

Red flag

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 05:01

Today, my husband rolls his eyes at me 90% of the time when I ask for a kiss. I think divorce is not too far off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 148

Unacceptable

By MySisterIsA - 10/03/2022 00:01

Today, my ex-husband and the woman he left me for, also known as my sister, are getting married. On my birthday. My mom is gleefully helping plan the wedding. She seriously sees nothing wrong, and tells me to “stop being a Bitter Betty and be happy for your sister.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 117

Marriage going well is it?

By Long sufferer - 21/02/2021 02:01

Today, at 5:30 a.m., my wife woke me to order milk for our business because she forgot to do so last night. She then chewed me out for doing it there and then, waking her up. I'm apparently useless, always complaining and in a bad mood about the most mundane things. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180

You deserved it 121

Explain yourself

By Embarassed - 13/08/2021 18:01

Today, I received pictures on my phone of my husband leaving a hotel with a young lady. Upon confronting him about it, he told me it was his “twin brother.” When I brought up that he was an only child, he said, "Stop believing shit people tell you unless it’s coming from me" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 109

Sensitive

By itsevenworse - 07/08/2021 00:01 - France

Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 152

GHOSTS!

By fml_anon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 436

You deserved it 4 412

Thanks for the input

By SBCR - 07/12/2012 06:01 - United States - Ankeny

Today, my best friend announced she was getting married. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid but she then added, "You can't be in the bridal party because you don't have the same body type as the other bridesmaids. But you can still come to the bachelorette party!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 540

You deserved it 3 003

My Drug Buddy

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 15:01 - United States - Shingletown

Today, my husband left me for a girl who seems to have a mental age of 12, because she'll smoke meth with him, and I won't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 114

Wanting your cake

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 11:01 - United States - Dayton

Today, I'm in love with my best friend, while also being in love with my wife. I know he has feelings for me too. I wish my wife was poly too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 1 277

Happy…?

By JustCantWin - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 165

You deserved it 3 921

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

By fml9124 - 28/01/2021 20:01

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 133

Misery

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 11:01

Today, I’m a happily married man and I know this because my wife says so all the time. E.g., we don’t need marriage counselling because we’re happily married; you're not moving out because we’re happily married, and the latest, we don’t need a divorce because we’re happily married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 198

Inspired

By HateThatB - 18/11/2021 23:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my ex-fiancé married the woman he cheated on me with. Their wedding was an exact replica of how I had planned mine to be, decorations, colors, cake, etc. Oh, and she also copied the dress I'd said yes to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 139

On the rocks

By leogs23 - 26/01/2021 10:59

Today, my fiancée is convinced that I just want to marry her to get a green card, so she doesn’t want to marry me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 727

Sounds reasonable

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 06:01

Today, my mum gave me a two-month ultimatum to get married or risk being disowned. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 79

Revenge

By Brilee Bruxvoort - 25/12/2020 09:58 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, after I divorced my husband because of his extreme alcoholism, he's now sober and got his life together and I see the man I fell madly in love with. Apparently, getting better for revenge meant more than getting better for the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 230

Not now!

By Vombride - 16/03/2021 08:00

Today, at noon, I'm marrying the love of my life. It's 4 a.m. and I can't stop vomiting and shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 90

There is no "normal"

By Anonymous - 22/09/2023 02:00 - United States - Aldie

Today, two years after my toxic and self-centered ex-wife left me, I got remarried, but I feel like it broke my trust in people, which I used to. I now feel I don’t do enough for my present; I do better than most and have got more than average people, but I'm still too hurt and depressed to be normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 200

Leeches

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 01:04 - Iraq - Basrah

Today, I found out that if my husband and I move to another country to live, then his mom and sister will live with us too. I'm already living with them because of societal traditions. I like them and everything, but I really need some privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 356

Thanks, but…

By howtragic - 17/08/2011 12:13 - Australia

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 626

You deserved it 3 677

Too much pressure

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 17:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that I wanted to get married eventually, and there's no way to talk me out of it. He broke up with me immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 548

Dad! No!

By Ginger - 08/07/2017 16:30 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I got married. My dad wanted to see me before the ceremony in my dress. The dress I wore was not my usual kind of dress, strapless. The first thing my dad said, "Ginger! You've got boobs!" Not exactly the father-daughter moment I'd envisioned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 168

You deserved it 545

Like the deserts miss the rain

By Unhappily Ever After - 03/04/2022 18:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, my wife of 18 years and I went to a party. We arrived and left separately, and didn't even talk to one another while there. I miss her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 237

Wedding of the year

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I dreamed that I got so nervous during a toast at my friend's wedding that I pissed myself. To coax myself to wake up, I took off my dress, stripped down to my underwear, and pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 159

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my ex posted a rant on Facebook about how much he hates this time of year. He ended it with "and now the bitch broke up with me two days before Christmas." He conveniently left out the part where "the bitch" caught him having sex with another woman last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 66

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 531

You deserved it 5 996

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 101

You deserved it 42 159

Today, my date came to pick me up for a date. As I was getting into his car, a large blister on my foot burst. My foot is now swimming in a pool of hot, liquid pus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 879

You deserved it 3 095

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 541

You deserved it 3 053

Today, while petting one of the goats we have, the other one was jealous so it ripped out a chunk of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 207

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 261

You deserved it 1 749

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 118

You deserved it 11 313