Parents

Unhealthy

By Anonymous - 09/09/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I realized that for 31 years I have been defending our children to their father. Our oldest is 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 215

Alexa, play "Family Snapshot" by Peter Gabriel

By totalloss - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 791

You deserved it 2 235

Frenemies

By Anonymous - 09/09/2023 00:02

Today, after my sister and I got pregnant, we couldn’t wait for our kids to be best friends. The moment they could walk, they hated each other with hitting, kicking, biting, you name it. Far from cute, we now have to watch them like hawks during visits to prevent injury, and they’re only 2 years-old FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 240

BREAKING

By too young for this - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 988

You deserved it 5 958

Happy Birthday

By Schubey - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - North Bay

Today, I woke up to my dad telling me that we're going to Disneyland. Apparently, by "we" he meant him and my mom. They did, however, make a point to say "Happy birthday!" before they left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 747

You deserved it 2 159

Jumping the gun

By kylie b - 06/09/2023 16:00

Today, my mom noticed that there weren’t any tampons in the trashcan during my usual time of the month, and promptly grounded me. I’m not pregnant, I just skip periods sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 107

Vandalism

By Anonymous - 06/09/2023 08:00

Today, some kid was scratching the side of my car with a brick so I yelled at him, then I yelled at his parents. They didn’t speak English and when cops arrived they told me I should have been more understanding and I was lucky not to be charged with verbally assaulting them. WHAT THE FUCK? FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 108

Sneaky wank

By Anonymous - 06/09/2023 08:00 - France - Paris

Today, my dad came to my room to tell me he’s going to take a nap and didn't want to be disturbed. About 5 minutes later, my speaker started broadcasting the moaning voice of a woman clearly having sex. He's never borrowing my Bluetooth speaker ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 100

How the other half lives

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 04:00

Today, it's been a year since my divorce. My deadbeat bipolar ex-wife is on her third boyfriend. I'm raising both our kids solo and, despite trying, have not even been able to land a single date since we seperated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 112

The big man upstairs

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was informed by my parents that their relationship with God is more important than their relationship with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 163

Easy life

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend is sulking because he actually thought two weeks paternity leave was going to be our new baby sleeping 18 hours a day while he played his Xbox, and get paid not to go to work every day. He was wrong, it’s been three days, and he’s exhausted already and whining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 244

Nice support system you've got there

By Anonymous - 24/08/2023 22:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my parents, expecting them to be thrilled. Instead, they were furious. Apparently, being unmarried and on disability means I can't raise a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 712

Send help!

By Anonymous - 24/08/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son and daughter-in-law are both going to jail for the same crime. I’m recently retired but I’m now stuck raising their bratty 15 year-old and their new baby, who’s less than a year old. I’m nearly 70 years-old, I can’t do this shit anymore. I certainly can’t afford it on a pension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 116

Coinkydink? I think not

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 20:00

Today, my husband and I ran into his high school girlfriend at the mall. We were catching up and my husband told her that we have a daughter. She asked what our daughter's name, but my husband hesitated and tried to change the subject, so I told her it was Juniper. That was her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 137

Hogwatch

By QAnon ruined my mom - 22/08/2023 06:00

Today, and over the past few weeks, my mom has cried, ranted, and posted unhinged TikToks, more than when my sister was almost killed in the meadow behind our house by a drunken hunter, all this because her favorite 'politician' has "unfairly" been indicted several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 183

A step too far

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 10:00

Today, my mother keeps nagging me to find a wife, settle down, and have kids, even though I have zero interest in any of those things. She refuses to understand that I’m perfectly content being completely on my own. She even signed me up to Tinder without my knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 102

Thanks, I hate it!

By thanks for reminding me - 18/08/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, I was reduced to a blubbering mess at my baby shower. My mom bought tons of clothes, bibs, etc. Sounds nice right? Well, they all had sayings like "Daddy’s Little Princess" and "Daddy’s Girl." She knows full well my fiancé quit his job, changed his number, and disappeared without a trace 3 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 129

Can't or won't?

By David - 17/08/2023 06:00

Today, after my dad was diagnosed with liver cancer, I'd packed my belongings and quit my job to go help my mom take care of him. Now she's had a stroke, so I spend my days/nights taking care of both of them. The thing is, I have 3 siblings that live within 5 miles that can't lift a finger to help. I love my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 96

Do not pass Go

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 08:00

Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 1 221

That's entertainment

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 10:00

Today, in the middle of an argument with my wife, our autistic son started calling out tennis scores, which turned out to be his way of keeping score of who was winning the argument. Apparently, by the end, it was 40-love approaching server's deuce point, which I think means I lost the argument badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 223

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 14/08/2023 22:00

Today, my wife hates being a mom so much that our daughter is practically being raised by her grandparents, due to how often she just drops her at their house, multiple times a week. I of course pick her straight up as soon as I finish work, but it’s her bedtime only an hour later. This is not good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 181

Call the police!

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 10:00

Today, and for the past two months, I've been raising a baby goat, whose mother rejected her. I went to visit my mom, and brought my goat with me, as my mom lives on 14 acres of farmland. I went to make her bottle for dinner, and when I came back outside, my mom's truck and my goat were gone. She won't say who she gave her away to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 133

Nice try, dude

By bigbill - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 3 110

Best prank ever

By Anonymous - 12/08/2023 00:02

Today, I meant to prank my boyfriend with a fake pregnancy, but when he walked in, he had his elderly mom with him. She saw all the pregnancy stuff I’d set up for the prank and got so excited that she had a stroke, and is now in a vegetative state and might not wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 1 482

It's actually illegal in the UK

By Anonymous - 10/08/2023 04:00

Today, I’ve suffered my whole life with a bunch of genetic conditions and I found out why at my dad's funeral. A bunch of relatives from America attended and one of them secretly told me my parents emigrated to England under a cloud of shame because they were brother and sister. I’m inbred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 118

The Devil's lettuce

By Anonymous - 10/08/2023 00:02

Today, my friend went to go pick up some weed from her dealer. That same day her parents were searching her room, so guess who posted it through my letterbox so their parents wouldn’t find it. Unfortunately, my very religious parents found it and now think I'm being directed by Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 212

Culture wars

By j1hill33 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad told my little brother that Tokyo is in China. This is the same guy who yells at me every time I get a "B" on a report card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 632

You deserved it 2 435

Polite

By bleue - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France - Montberon

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let rip a loud fart. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 459

You deserved it 4 917

End of the road

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 00:02

Today, I was finally forced to accept that after an almost 16 year relationship and 14 year marriage, it's pretty much over. After begging and pleading with her for the last few years to show any love and affection, she still refuses entirely. I'm only here for the kids now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 123

Good news!

By Anonymous - 03/08/2023 08:00

Today, I told my family I’m pregnant again. My boyfriend is now sat outside, crying and getting drunk. My oldest son is looking at apartments for rent because he doesn’t want to be around screaming babies again, and my younger two are crying because they don’t want another sibling either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 1 730

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I ordered a mountain of junk food for myself on Deliveroo. Embarrassed, I pretended there was other people in the house by yelling, "Food’s here, everyone!" to avoid judgment. The delivery guy smiled and said, "Come on, be honest mate, no one else is in there is there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 530

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 963

You deserved it 7 903

The Top

Today, I turned twenty two. Three days ago I was fired. Two days ago I failed a midterm. Yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 665

You deserved it 401

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 125

You deserved it 3 096

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 349

You deserved it 2 466

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 731

You deserved it 10 801

Today, at work, I quickly bought plane tickets on an iPad. I should have taken my time doing it, because now, thanks to autocorrect, I have two tickets for a girl with the first name of Eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 090

You deserved it 5 534

Today, I stopped to gas up. The pump wasn't taking my BP rewards card, and it said to go see the cashier. I went in to ask what's up, where the cashier politely pointed out that I was in a Shell gas station, not a BP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 2 009