Poopoo peepee

Shy colon

By scared2poop - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Brighton

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 843

You deserved it 4 005

Dude, gross!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my lovely, amazing boyfriend likes to pee in everything other than the toilet. This includes: Hawaiian punch jugs, the sink, empty cans/bottles, and out of my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 602

You deserved it 3 880

Doomscrolling

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 00:00

Today, it's only when my mom knocked on the door and asked, "Are you alright in there?" that I realised that I had been scrolling through the same Instagram feed whilst sat on the toilet for an hour. My legs had gone numb and I'm pretty sure the toilet seat is forever engraved in my arse cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 1 114

Poopy

By pandaface - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 224

You deserved it 5 918

If I fits, I sits

By Anonymous - 03/03/2023 14:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I was so into my game that I didn't notice my senior-aged cat had emptied his cat bladder onto my leg until I took off my headphones and he jumped off me to go chew on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 843

Butt stuff

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 05:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, I found a strange brown ball while emptying my husband's underwear from the dryer, more like a marble-sized pellet. It was exactly what it sounds like: a ball of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 104

Like a dog

By Jick - 26/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 294

We've all done it

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 04:00

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 224

Always check!

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 06:00 - United States - Bayonne

Today, after eating some fire noodles the day before, I took a nice long poop in my school's bathroom, only to find out there was no toilet paper left in any of the stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 229

Streaming

By Soiled - 12/02/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I lost my balance while peeing. I'll let your imagination do the rest. In the meantime, I'm going to take a shower and change my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 200

Soiled

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 22:00

Today, I learned what the phrase "Never trust a far", is all about. I spent several minutes trying to wash my filthy underwear in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 350

Unreliable bladder

By ttt - 07/02/2023 06:00

Today, while on a road trip, we stopped at a convenience store and I did not feel the need to pee at all. Ten minutes later, back on the road, my teeth were floating. I’m in my twenties and thought only little kids and the elderly had this problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 624

Let it all out

By m33p - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a nice relaxing dump at school, in my pants, in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 426

You deserved it 8 556

Not a night owl

By Fail - 04/02/2023 15:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I woke up at the ungodly hour of 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom. It was of course quite dark, and unbeknownst to me, the door was closed. I walked into it. Then I tried to open it, missed the door knob, and walked into the door again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 288

Golden

By Ackbar - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I fell out of the shower. It was still on. Bracing my fall, I reached into the toilet. It wasn't flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 132

You deserved it 15 812

Best gift ever

By Vanessa - 04/02/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 233

Plumbing issues

By oops - 25/01/2023 03:00

Today, I realized that sometimes when I sneeze, I pee a little. I’m 28 years-old and I've never had kid; I’m even a virgin. This shouldn’t be happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 170

Foul

By Embarrassed - 20/01/2023 18:00

Today, I rushed home, barged into the bathroom, and released the biggest, most foul mudmonkeys ever, complete with noises. I came out and my brother and his hot friends, including the one I have a crush on, were all laughing. My brother told me, “Don’t forget to Lysol spray.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 166

Have you heard the news?

By Anonymous - 17/01/2023 14:00

Today, my mother had a Kitty Party (sort of), and I was in charge of the tea and snacks. I was so busy I didn't pay attention to their discussion. After everything was done, I heard my mother talking about my poop colour and how unhealthy it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 131

Good doggo

By Alittlebitiffy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I spent an hour pulling poop-covered prickles out of my husky's butt. A duck had startled him while he was doing his business and his first thought was to run, mid-poop, into a prickle bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 842

You deserved it 827

My house now

By Anonymous - 06/01/2023 15:00 - Australia

Today, my house got its annual visit from a cat that lives down the street. My dogs did nothing to chase it away, and it marked its territory. I have a very sensitive nose, but I can't find where the smell is coming from for the life of me. I am also highly susceptible to migraines, and cat piss triggers them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 904

Little shit

By Anonymous - 31/12/2022 18:00 - United States - Fpo

Today, I took my brother to the bathroom at a restaurant. The stall next to mine was locked, so I assumed he was still in there. I yelled his name a few times, then banged on the door out of annoyance. I gave up and returned to the table, where he was sitting with a grin. Turns out I just traumatized a poor lady in the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 391

Rip it up and start again

By Anonymous - 24/12/2022 15:00

Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 122

Noise annoys

By IckyAsmr - 24/12/2022 02:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after much delay, work was finally completed on my parents' new ensuite bathroom. It shares a wall with my bedroom. I was relieved, until I realised the endless crashing and drilling sounds have now been replaced with the sounds of my parents' bladder and bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 173

The red knob incident

By Bee - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 511

You deserved it 93 275

Heavy load

By alyssa ig idk - 21/12/2022 18:00 - United States - Taylor

Today, I realized why my sister has had so many fluids coming out of her, yet I was sick too and nothing was coming out. It's because everything I ate in the past 72 hours was piling up in my ass, and just came out as a monster 5 times bigger than normal, and left my ass on fire for 45 minutes straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 156

Not now, guts!

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 12:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, marks the third day I've spent with a cute guy who has a crush on me. Before going to a public pool, we had a nice breakfast together. However, the food did not agree with me, so I loudly emptied my guts in the poolside restroom. He sent me home after, and will no longer answer my texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 177

Caught in 4K

By deservedly - 19/12/2022 09:27 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I clogged the only toilet at work. Thinking I could escape and blame someone else, I opened the door, only to see a line of people waiting outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 094

You deserved it 17 590

It doesn't get better as you get older

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 09:00

Today, I woke up with a stinky smell piercing my nose. Yesterday there was a party at my boss’s house, where I got super drunk and passed out. When I regained consciousness, I realized my panties were wet, my pants were wet, and, of course, the bed was wet. I’m 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 1 356

Denial

By Anonymous - 12/12/2022 18:00

Today, out of sheer stubbornness, my husband forced himself to go to the toilet despite severe constipation. He forced it so hard he now has a migraine and his nose won’t stop bleeding, but he won’t go see a doctor. He could have burst an artery in his brain but no, he knows better than "some doctor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 162

Keywords

Love My ex Awkward Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Relatable Work DIY Kids Parenting Accident Parents ADHD Medication Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 483

You deserved it 11 507

Today, and for the past month, I've been feeling lightheaded from a breathing problem. I've now been prescribed a medication to help with my anxiety and my breathing issue, which would in turn help stop me from getting so lightheaded. The side effect of said medication: lightheadedness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 869

You deserved it 295

The Top

Today, I was expecting a package from a few days ago, but it still hadn't arrived. As I was going to work, I found it at my grandma's house. Why didn't my grandma tell me, you ask? She died last year. My package was mistakenly delivered to A DEAD PERSON. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 103

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 214

You deserved it 33 130

Today, I called a Lyft to go to work. I got dressed and even watched him finish his previous ride. We all know you have a 5 minutes window. It wasn’t even 5 minutes in when he cancelled my ride. Now I’m late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 328

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 129

Today, I asked my dad what his plans for Friday were. Apparently, he's going to a concert with my step-mom all evening. It's been their plan for months. Friday is my birthday. That's been set since the day I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 247

You deserved it 7 052

Today, I discovered my water bottle had leaked and spilled water all over my backpack, ruining my notebooks, soaking my schoolbooks, and destroying my midterm portfolio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 807

You deserved it 5 724