Intimacy: A tale as old as time

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 418

You deserved it 11 365

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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 442

You deserved it 8 033

Almost there

By fucksake - 05/10/2014 15:55 - Malaysia - Seri Kembangan

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 330

You deserved it 4 684

By EliseV - 03/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 973

You deserved it 6 009

Not now!

By virgin - 25/11/2018 20:00

Today, I was excited because tomorrow I was going to lose my virginity. I just used the bathroom; I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 123

By unsatisfied - 09/02/2010 03:33 - France

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 464

You deserved it 5 362

By fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU - 03/03/2014 22:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 323

You deserved it 9 621

By Nightshade823 - 10/11/2016 19:12 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 348

You deserved it 1 113

By mavrick127 - 29/09/2016 14:21 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 230

You deserved it 1 788

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 16:54 - United States

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 133

You deserved it 11 758

By NotALuckyGuy - 07/04/2015 16:19 - United States - Columbus

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 033

You deserved it 47 400

Emmy_m92 0

Friday 3 December 2010 19:21

Apparently, you couldn't rise to the occasion.

hondabikez 2

Friday 3 December 2010 19:21

it normal! it happens!

Comments

fake_and_gay 0

Friday 24 December 2010 7:21

lol

MaameAkua 0

Sunday 26 December 2010 22:24

that happened to my boyfriend the first time we had sex. he got it up then I went limp lol. happened after a few minutes though. ;)

ztplayer 0

Saturday 1 January 2011 6:43

that happened to me too. it sucks

dblock187 0

Sunday 2 January 2011 7:20

Maybe ur nerves got to u. You'll be ok next time.

theawesomedude 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:42

I always thought that just doing it threw your virginity away?

shane_lyne 0

Thursday 20 January 2011 11:43

nervous prob

AcidRaen 4

Saturday 12 February 2011 4:26

obviously she wasn't the one for you or you have other problems

bbonander 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:43

too much masturbation ??? ha damn

dtao114 0

Saturday 9 April 2011 7:55

P.s. I am also 40

chris2065 0

Thursday 14 April 2011 5:07

dude that sucks. better luck next time ehh?

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The Top

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 095

You deserved it 200

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 491

You deserved it 3 817

The Top

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 694

You deserved it 11 264

Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 255

You deserved it 394

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 794

You deserved it 3 217

Today, my son no longer tries to sneak in and out of the house at inappropriate times. Now, he just brazenly walks out, ignoring me when I ask where he’s going, then walks back in at like 4 in the morning, and again ignores me because he’s still on his phone to someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 1 052

Today, my father forced me to go to therapy, then dumped out everything I made there into our sink. Apparently, I'm "not a batshit crazy psycho who needed to go to therapy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 111

Today, while having dinner with my boyfriend's family, his mom told me that it looks like I've gained quite some weight. When my boyfriend told her that this was a rude thing to say, she said it wasn't rude, just the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 211

You deserved it 6 296