Animals: Animal sanctuary

Animal sanctuary

By Anonymous - 12/06/2014 00:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "The gecko ate my pen drive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 657

You deserved it 4 899

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/02/2012 18:20 - United States

Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 308

You deserved it 2 826

By Hesjustapuppy - 10/05/2016 12:56 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 676

You deserved it 1 071

Saber-toothed

By Anonymous - 09/03/2023 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to find out that my practically feral cat had chewed through my laptop charger cable. I guess I won't be getting much work done today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 284

Classic cat

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 19:58 - Germany - Norden

Today, our cat wrote me a story: "This is where I caught a mouse. This is where I ate the mouse. This is where I puked the mouse." Unfortunately, she wrote it as a graphic novel on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 156

It just gets worse

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 04:00

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had barfed all over my laptop's keyboard and screen, filling each nook and cranny of the stuff. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to make coffee to deal with the stress, I found that I was out of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 210

By anonymous - 06/02/2015 05:16 - Australia - Mitcham

Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 710

You deserved it 2 351

By Peach - 02/03/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 703

You deserved it 2 171

By busted - 02/08/2012 06:53 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 333

You deserved it 18 649

By flying solo - 28/01/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 162

You deserved it 2 236

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 13:57 - Norway

Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 213

You deserved it 2 359

CandyPewPewPew 29

Thursday 12 June 2014 12:50

"Your pets opened the door by themselves ran ouf of the house and they never came back."

xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11

Thursday 12 June 2014 12:46

There's always room for interesting excuses.

Comments

WinterBlue42 22

Thursday 12 June 2014 13:06

Can't help you with the gecko, but I'd suggest putting some kind of citrus on things you don't want the cat to chew up. FYL for sure though, laptop plugs are EXPENSIVE!

talk2sachinkumar 5

Thursday 12 June 2014 13:06

as long as they don't believe "dog ate the homework"... " gecko ate the pendrive" will be just too weird.

Brandi_Faith 33

Thursday 12 June 2014 13:57

Maybe OP's teacher will think the excuses are so weird they must be true? Hopefully, but not likely.

kinky44 28

Thursday 12 June 2014 13:24

The parrot tore up my textbook, the lion ate all the pencils and the elephant sat on my car. . .Whoops

interesting33 36

Thursday 12 June 2014 13:27

Are the pets okay? Those don't sound edible

blackonblight 32

Thursday 12 June 2014 13:28

Is the gecko ok?

cakefete2 30

Thursday 12 June 2014 15:34

The gecko is fine. It's good that he had... insurance.. Get it? Cuz the gecko is the mascot for Geico so he had... No, you're right... I'm sorry... I'll go think about what I've done in time out.

Dabombr 11

Saturday 14 June 2014 15:21

That was actually a pretty good pun. I'm just glad OP's roommate doesn't own any camels. "Joe." "Joe." "Joe." "Guess what day it is?"

meghan_3014 5

Saturday 21 June 2014 19:17

HUMP DAYY

aedar 16

Thursday 12 June 2014 14:12

I'm sorry for both you and the pets (hope they're okay) but this is hilarious :D

abbymackenziee 20

Thursday 12 June 2014 14:40

One time I told my teacher that my lizard pooped on my homework, he believed it in a heartbeat. I actually had a lizard, so it was completely unbelievable.