Love, Health, Sex and Intimacy: Bazinga

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 691

You deserved it 17 083

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Same thing different taste

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 325

You deserved it 68 701

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 559

You deserved it 32 062

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 462

You deserved it 9 862

By shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 038

You deserved it 5 426

By Brian - 20/11/2012 15:50 - United States - Sandston

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 302

You deserved it 33 318

Pleased to see me?

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 800

You deserved it 20 044

By timmynotjimmy - 28/10/2009 01:28 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 371

You deserved it 3 935

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 967

You deserved it 5 604

By ScottyB - 22/12/2014 08:05 - United States - Peabody

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 739

You deserved it 6 626

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 176

You deserved it 8 660

Weil 0

Friday 20 March 2009 20:04

Owned.

Astroman129 7

Saturday 27 March 2010 14:40

Yeah, I hate when some people decide to make things a lot more depressing for no reason. It would be even worse if you had erectile dysfunction. =[

Comments

unfixie 0

Friday 20 March 2009 20:38

oh c'mon! she was totally joking and being cute!!! ... there's a meaning behind it *hint hint*

andydawg8891 0

Friday 20 March 2009 20:38

Next time your together pop an "Enhancement" pill. See who's complaining then! FHV: F*** Her ******

sunshyne84_fml 0

Friday 20 March 2009 20:47

damn! lmao

latuka 0

Friday 20 March 2009 20:50

shoulda said what 18 said

unfixie 0

Friday 20 March 2009 20:56

agree with #25.. that's what i said in #22

acze 0

Friday 20 March 2009 20:57

dude, just say something back.. dont be a pussy and just cry after she says that

unfixie 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:00

i mean # 21 , not 22

Madworldafterall 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:01

haha! She was totally kidding, i hope you know that! u guys sound like a cute couple so dont start a fight over something lame

acc093 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:01

hahahahhahahahahahah. i would high five her. im sure she was joking, get over it and get a sense of humor, please

njwrestler171 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:05

ahahh FTW some how i need to shake ur girlfriends hand.......at least she has a sense of humor

Keywords

Halloween Dogs Animals Cute Fire Awkward Miscellaneous Mental health Therapy Friends Health Birthday Love Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Work Kids Thief Customers TV shows Argument AITA Am I overreacting? Social Media My ex Parents Dating Family Relatable Zoom

The Top

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 684

You deserved it 823

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft…" He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina, which delightfully formed a crease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 034

You deserved it 22 061

The Top

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 482

You deserved it 5 526

Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 822

You deserved it 3 230

Today, my great-grandfather had his arm blown off in the army and used the splintered bone to stab an enemy soldier, and got a goddamn medal for it, and yet I just watched my grown-ass son squealing like a bitch for over 10 minutes because he got a splinter in his toe. How far we’ve fallen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 1 042

Today, I tried to make things less awkward by complimenting my Tai Chi partner's ring and he says, "Thanks, it's a purity ring!" I said, "I used to have one of those. Would you believe me if I said I lost it in a river?" Now my entire Tai Chi class thinks I lost my virginity in a river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 006

You deserved it 2 719

Today, my bestie had me kicked out of her wedding the day of. All because I altered my bridesmaid's dress without telling her. She knows I hate fabric against my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 2 272

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 848

You deserved it 57 184

Bazinga

Same thing different taste

Pleased to see me?

Smooth talker

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