Love, Health, Sex and Intimacy: Bazinga

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 691

You deserved it 17 083

Black Friday: Sales and crazy situations
Shopping stories where discounts aren't the only surprises! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 325

You deserved it 68 701

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 559

You deserved it 32 062

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 462

You deserved it 9 862

By shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 038

You deserved it 5 426

By Brian - 20/11/2012 15:50 - United States - Sandston

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 302

You deserved it 33 318

Pleased to see me?

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 800

You deserved it 20 044

By timmynotjimmy - 28/10/2009 01:28 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 371

You deserved it 3 935

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 967

You deserved it 5 604

By ScottyB - 22/12/2014 08:05 - United States - Peabody

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 739

You deserved it 6 626

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 176

You deserved it 8 660

Weil 0

Friday 20 March 2009 20:04

Owned.

Astroman129 7

Saturday 27 March 2010 14:40

Yeah, I hate when some people decide to make things a lot more depressing for no reason. It would be even worse if you had erectile dysfunction. =[

Comments

ladedum 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:06

hahaha i actually thought that was really cute. i mean, if she meant it light heartedly - which im sure she did. hope you two had a little laugh about it.

unfixie 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:06

g'yeah!!! great minds think alike, INDEED!

Shadowflames420 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:22

21 that so not something you say to a guy. EVER. I swear women dont think. I been reading all the FML about girls saying crap about a their bf penis. Like wtf. How would you like it if your bf told you your breasts were small or your ****** was really loss or shaped ugly or your nipples are too large. ******* women...... cold hearted bitches.

unfixie 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:37

you are fucken stupid... they were just talking about the erection! FGS! F off emo!

unfixie 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:43

she didn't say anything like his penis is small.. if we, WOMEN, are cold-hearted bitches, because we make jokes like that... then i have to say MEN are insensitive and assholes! cuz they're allowed to make any jokes and expect US not to be mad about it and take the fucken joke...!! not to mention, they are allowed to look at other women...for the reason that.... they are MEN! what's so special about them? ... equality! p.s. take the fucken joke! why so serious!

Bubs_fml 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:44

#35: While your comment is a little emo-sounding, it's actually kind of true in my opinion. Girls can say whatever they want about their guy but if the guy even says something the girl takes the wrong way, all hell breaks loose!

unfixie 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:54

see you have to be careful before you spill what you're about to say... making fun of body parts (like #35 was saying) --- NOT a cool joke.. but if they were just talking about erection.. good grief! it's not even that bad! the girl was totally joking!

YallNoobs 0

Friday 20 March 2009 21:54

daaamn thats what shes said

caitlinmarie 0

Friday 20 March 2009 22:02

okay, #37, im gonna have to agree with you 100% im a GIRL and i think that GIRLS are cold-hearted, indecisive bitches! they, we, are cruel and frankly stupid. even if she was kidding, wtf would you joke about something like that? thats just mean. gahh, girls read too much into everything. thats why guys have so much trouble understanding us! **** hormones!