Health: Both ends

Both ends

By sickofsick - 30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 663

You deserved it 3 982

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Same thing different taste

Geyser

By Ouch - 15/08/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 619

You deserved it 11 132

By loveurlifejk - 28/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 614

You deserved it 2 131

By sadddddd - 11/09/2011 01:54 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 880

You deserved it 3 270

By shitty day - 30/11/2011 10:53 - United States

Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 192

You deserved it 2 431

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 905

You deserved it 2 960

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 12:36 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 390

You deserved it 1 493

Man up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was the flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 678

You deserved it 3 227

By LoveYouTooMa - 20/06/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 926

You deserved it 32 602

By Lunab123 - 01/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Potomac

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 901

You deserved it 2 560

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 260

Ninjaface 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

Whatever you do, do NOT make a sarcastic comment about getting a urinary tract infection and/or tapeworms!

shelboo_fml 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

A fort in the bathroom with a can of frebreze.

Comments

_cexar 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 8:21

maybe you should go around very quickly with a bucket in your hand

Corrupt_Tears 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 8:21

LMAO. In high school, I missed a bio test. I skipped it on purpose because I needed more time to study and everybody in my school does it, some even more than me! Anyways the teacher's never ask for doctor notes. Anyways this teacher did after, she handed back the test fully marked. So I made an appointment and I told her the extact same story, and asked if she could give me a doctor's note. Her reaction : OH DEAR!

Hillbilly_Deluxe 3

Friday 1 January 2010 0:29

if i were you, i would plug in my laptop, grab my headphones and not leave the bathroom

icklecherri 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:34

haha ive never laughed so much in my life !!

aquasat 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 0:22

BEEN THERE DONE THAT... 1rst time... was doing both @ the same time.. then 2nd. vomited so hard i popped a blood vein in my eye

teri99 0

Monday 4 January 2010 5:02

wow

Phobic_fml 14

Tuesday 5 January 2010 8:37

i've had that. for two days, every 30 minutes like clockwork i puked and shat my guts out at the same time. luckily my bathroom was such that i could toss into the tub while i sat on the shitter.