Health: Both ends

Both ends

By sickofsick - 30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 663

You deserved it 3 982

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Geyser

By Ouch - 15/08/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 619

You deserved it 11 132

By loveurlifejk - 28/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 614

You deserved it 2 131

By sadddddd - 11/09/2011 01:54 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 880

You deserved it 3 270

By shitty day - 30/11/2011 10:53 - United States

Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 192

You deserved it 2 431

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 905

You deserved it 2 960

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 12:36 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 390

You deserved it 1 493

Man up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was the flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 678

You deserved it 3 227

By LoveYouTooMa - 20/06/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 926

You deserved it 32 602

By Lunab123 - 01/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Potomac

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 901

You deserved it 2 560

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 260

Ninjaface 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

Whatever you do, do NOT make a sarcastic comment about getting a urinary tract infection and/or tapeworms!

shelboo_fml 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

A fort in the bathroom with a can of frebreze.

Comments

ImShamazingHun 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 19:36

FYL... I just got over that shit.. *shudders... and yes I did sleep in the bathroom with a bucket lmao

mrquicknet 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 20:19

I'm a little surprised that the act of throwing up doesn't make you shit yourself. Not much worse than throwing up in a trash bag while you are squirting in the bowl.

pinkdancer 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 20:44

FFFAAAAKKKEEEE!!!!!

jikanganai 0

Friday 1 January 2010 1:21

Obviously you've never had the stomach flu.

Solaron 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 21:07

Stay on the toilet, with a bucket.

aMEIzing 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 22:10

Awhh! Sucks ass! Hope you get better quick.

BAMPregnant 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 1:56

I have the same thing. I feel like i'm going to die.

EveryDayJackAss 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 3:33

must be pregnant, though in the event that this is a male, then that means he's going through puberty :D

chico211999 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 4:03

2 years to the day i felt the same way from food poisoning. Puked my brains out, then almost crapped myself, puked up the rest of what was in my stomach, and about every 30 minutes i would have uncontrollable *****. i was still sick on new years eve and stayed home while the gf babied me.

hostess_fml 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 4:25

I'm just getting over this very same thing.

ROFLDOCTOR 1

Thursday 31 December 2009 4:57

Aw, that sucks to hear! FYL and hope you get better soon. I haven't vomited since I was really little, but I believe the last time I did I had a similar problem. I remember eating at McDonalds that one night, and for a while I had the chills and a horrible stomach ache. Then in the evening, I threw up, went to bed, and in the middle of the night I threw up in the garbage can next to my bed and shit myself at the same time. I did this TWICE in the middle of the night - it was so annoying and gross. ]: