Wanker and Intimacy: Burglary [gone sexual]

Burglary [gone sexual]

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 257

You deserved it 11 847

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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 10:56 - Australia

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 225

You deserved it 6 134

By Starving Ultimatum - 02/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 943

You deserved it 3 127

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 051

You deserved it 6 556

By Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 743

You deserved it 6 397

By iliketoastalot - 09/08/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 645

You deserved it 5 909

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 334

You deserved it 641

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 19:53 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 263

You deserved it 75 721

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 558

You deserved it 2 324

Great timing

By alo1434 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 006

You deserved it 3 371

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 16:29 - United States - Woodland

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 652

You deserved it 2 160

firemanrob 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:04

haha you should of used your penis as a gun cocked it and shot **** in there face

x_Cupcakes 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:03

Haha! Did they join you?

Comments

dude443 4

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:12

LMAO!

THEgleek 0

Thursday 2 December 2010 12:50

yum

DeathHead 0

Thursday 2 December 2010 14:44

Did u cap their ass? Perfect reason to find out what that sensation feels like. Wish I were you.

halfwaytheere 0

Thursday 2 December 2010 15:44

adding while I was wanking it is like adding while in bed to the end of fortune cookies, it's just funny

FMLynn 0

Thursday 2 December 2010 17:57

no comment. lmao

Skroal_stomper 5

Thursday 2 December 2010 18:13

bullshit

Skroal_stomper 5

Thursday 2 December 2010 19:33

I am sorry moderator.

FYOL 0

Thursday 2 December 2010 20:32

Best FML ever!

zXJonnyXz 0

Thursday 2 December 2010 21:57

did you shoot them with your cum it is z mighty fine weapon

burns_daniel 0

Thursday 2 December 2010 23:07

Lol wow that's funny!!

KamilleBlack 3

Friday 3 December 2010 2:43

Dude, that REALLY sucks....but u MUST see the humor in it. I mean, u MUST see how funny that would be on TV xD

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weddings Awkward Love My ex Jealousy Friends AITA Embarrassing Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid Argument Parenting Kids Thanksgiving Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Work

The Top

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 220

You deserved it 5 961

It's great to see you ! How was july ? Hot, sweaty, flirty ? How I miseed talking to you (and getting one or two comments if we're lucky enough). But let's not complain, a whole month welcoming artists for their second rounds who gave us brand new il...

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 18

The Top

Today, I passed out at a party after having a few too many, as one does. I woke up with swastikas and penises drawn on my face with permanent marker. I now have to go home, using public transport, to my prudish, Jewish dad who thought I was at my friend's house for a sleepover with no alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 049

You deserved it 49 268

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 601

You deserved it 5 683

Today, thanks to my new anti-anxiety meds, I am finally no longer agoraphobic. Today also marks 5 weeks of constant diarrhea due to the same meds. Guess who's not leaving the house anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 057

You deserved it 312

Today, while biking, I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 275

You deserved it 56 749

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 556

You deserved it 6 171

Today, I went to the dentist and found out I still have a wisdom tooth. I got all four out last summer… or at least I thought I did. Now I have to go back and get it removed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 337

You deserved it 198

Burglary [gone sexual]

Same thing different taste

Great timing

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