Health: Captain Badass

Captain Badass

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/02/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 162

You deserved it 54 043

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 21:46 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 43 271

By Tanner - 16/07/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 449

You deserved it 3 684

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 141

You deserved it 3 643

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 295

You deserved it 2 904

By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 337

You deserved it 3 085

By punchedhelper - 20/06/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 239

You deserved it 4 097

By the_lameo_geek - 21/10/2013 02:16 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 047

You deserved it 4 048

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 14:34 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 073

You deserved it 3 223

MMA FML

By ThatEndedWell - 07/01/2019 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 4 616

By insomnitude - 05/03/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 774

You deserved it 13 804

allmidnighteyes 10

Monday 14 February 2011 9:09

Your ego appears to be bigger than your muscles.

folgy 10

Monday 14 February 2011 9:08

i know it would suck being mugged but just because your a body builder dont mean you can kick everyones ass

Comments

girlinacity 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:10

oh my god

slinginmac14 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:13

eat that fart cake biotch! hahaha

Kua_Mei 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:33

I'm not sure that that's the sort of situation to be mouthing off; if you're going to try to overpower him, overpower him as quickly as possible. Be grateful that your wallet, dignity, and dashing good looks weren't the only things you lost. He could have been carrying a weapon.

bananamonkee 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 7:34

maybe you shouldn't let all those muscle supplements get to your head, body builder or not if you don't got the moves, you're just as jolly as the big green giant

Cenobyte 10

Tuesday 15 February 2011 8:17

OP, all these people mouthing off about how weak and pathetic you are, are jealous. That's exactly why they are gloating. Nothing makes the weak feels stronger than watching the strong look weak. I would love to see all of them in the same situation.

Cenobyte 10

Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:11

But next time, don't get cocky. That's just asking for trouble.

slinginmac14 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 5:30

this has probably happened to you too....

Cenobyte 10

Wednesday 16 February 2011 8:17

huh? What happened? To whom?

Doyle911 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 8:44

Just because you body build doesn't make you tough, case in point. But don't worry, I'm sure next time all your muscles will stop the knife or bullet.

Daddymo 14

Tuesday 15 February 2011 10:03

You were too busy talking when you should have been punching. You'll know for the next time.

TheNewGuy03 28

Tuesday 15 February 2011 11:45

yo, respect to all martial arts, but can people please telling op to learn their martial art(s)? everything has something to bring to the table -- and that's what the true spirit of martial arts is. |the kid|