Health: Captain Badass

Captain Badass

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/02/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 162

You deserved it 54 043

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 21:46 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 43 271

By Tanner - 16/07/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 449

You deserved it 3 684

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 141

You deserved it 3 643

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 295

You deserved it 2 904

By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 337

You deserved it 3 085

By punchedhelper - 20/06/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 239

You deserved it 4 097

By the_lameo_geek - 21/10/2013 02:16 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 047

You deserved it 4 048

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 14:34 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 073

You deserved it 3 223

MMA FML

By ThatEndedWell - 07/01/2019 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 4 616

By insomnitude - 05/03/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 774

You deserved it 13 804

allmidnighteyes 10

Monday 14 February 2011 9:09

Your ego appears to be bigger than your muscles.

folgy 10

Monday 14 February 2011 9:08

i know it would suck being mugged but just because your a body builder dont mean you can kick everyones ass

Comments

amadan 0

Thursday 19 May 2011 2:19

Just cos you're built don't mean you can fight. There IS a difference.

chinstyle30 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 9:30

being cocky is good but you better back it up. next time be smarter, don't expect too much.

therising209 3

Wednesday 1 June 2011 13:22

dumbass gym rats

narutou546 4

Saturday 6 August 2011 0:52

Muscle means nothing when you cant fight, dumbass

czalc 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 6:57

Sounds like you have big pussy syndrome

lsd_25 8

Thursday 15 September 2011 9:27

that was a bright idea

iHopeNicole 5

Tuesday 20 September 2011 18:44

Just because you're a bodybuilder and think you can take on someone who tells you you're going to get mugged, doesn't mean that you should threaten them to do it. You should've just given him your money and walked away without him kicking your ass.

phoque_fml 0

Monday 31 October 2011 4:07

How were u expecting to beat him? Flex and scare him off?? All bodybuilders do is stand on a stage in a speedo and strike poses. Want to not get your ass handed to you nex time? then do a martial art or wrestling and learn to use your strength

WickedClownMCL 1

Saturday 21 January 2012 4:34

Just cause your a body builder doesnt mean you can fight dipshit. I only bench bout 200 and squat 500 but I know how to fight. Ignorant wannabes like you deserve to get your ass beat.