Dogs and Animals: Carpe diem - FML

Carpe diem

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 576

You deserved it 12 012

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

Epic_Phale615 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 0:03

Don't trick your dog by getting into the doggy style position?

A7X_LoVeee 10

Thursday 24 March 2011 0:03

Don't lie. you enjoyed it.

Comments

colts1881 4

Thursday 24 March 2011 3:40

dont act like u didnt like it

SassiestLemon 2

Thursday 24 March 2011 3:55

No. It was one-third human, one-third dog, and one-third platypus. I saw what was happening while I was stalking you, so I felt it was necessary to help the dog.

simon_lala 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:04

dat ass

JenL_fml 7

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:06

He wants to know what love is... He wants you to show him.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:08

That wasn't even funny. Try again.

derek2143 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:10

********** is illegal

joshswensoon15 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:27

my dog did that to my brother once...... wait no twice actaually!

piie 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:31

wait,......litterally?!? wow that must of sucked!

starwind3438 9

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:32

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

kar9398 0

Friday 25 March 2011 3:54

Lmfao WIN!!!

dez63 9

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:43

be flattered. it only means he finds you attractive

8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 374

Today, it was dad’s funeral and I intended to speak but I was crying so much I couldn’t finish and mom had to help me back to my seat. Unfortunately, most of our family are arseholes and I could hear someone saying, “Disgraceful, shaming his dad like that.” It was the worst day of my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 85

The Top

Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 223

You deserved it 5 599

Today, after ranting to my best friend about how all our friends are having kids and how teenage pregnancy will ruin their lives, she announced to me that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 747

You deserved it 7 356

Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 297

You deserved it 7 217

Today, I got drunk and spewed all over my lounge room floor. My dog ate it up, also got drunk, and also eventually spewed on the floor too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 1 136

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 873

You deserved it 58 880

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 262

You deserved it 10 167