Intimacy: Caught red handed

Caught red handed

By scarred_sibling - 15/10/2012 12:10 - United States

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 3 054

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Same thing different taste

By LemonLearn - 06/10/2016 20:59 - United States - New York

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 042

You deserved it 1 095

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 906

You deserved it 257

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 04:36 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 944

You deserved it 1 582

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 601

You deserved it 211

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 46 336

Dude, gross!

By utensils123 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 654

You deserved it 2 358

By Perpetually F-ed. - 17/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 370

You deserved it 9 329

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 529

You deserved it 64 339

By ugh, why - 22/11/2015 05:12 - Australia

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 952

You deserved it 3 003

By anon - 20/11/2015 00:53 - New Zealand

Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 650

You deserved it 2 231

s0m3guy2010 21

Monday 15 October 2012 19:02

If it can fit in a lotion bottle, I'm assuming it was too small for you to see too much anyway.

cpucooler 4

Monday 15 October 2012 19:01

Your skin has been really smooth and silky lately though, right?

Comments

olpally 32

Monday 15 October 2012 23:15

Lol, sorry penguinbitch... Haha.. I'll stop! :D

smallshaft 10

Monday 15 October 2012 23:30

I haven't killed anyone! Don't blame me!

DerekCorbett 18

Monday 15 October 2012 23:58

And you wonder why the same bottle's lasted for years...

SWhimsynBubbaS 14

Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:00

No wonder your brother has been smelling so good lately...

Blue329 15

Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:11

Well that's an awkward situation

awebb21 7

Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:19

So that's how the lotion keeps on refilling itself

adelaz 0

Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:28

That's sad hi penis can fit into a cap of a bottle

ositoakaluis 16

Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:38

Dam I've been using the lotion wrong

amerikaninfidel 2

Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:46

Nice technique, I'll have to remover this one.

geod69 8

Tuesday 16 October 2012 2:25

Next time buy the cheap stuff

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 527

You deserved it 1 300

Today, my mother and wife are arguing over raising our baby Catholic or Church of England. They’re mad at each other and as a bonus they’re both mad at me because I’m non-religious and genuinely don’t care which made-up religion they try to raise her in, I’m just enjoying being a dad over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 163

The Top

Today, I was heading out for my flight to Australia. I'd put a padlock on my luggage to keep my wallet and passport safe, only to realize way too late that I'd left the key at home. I couldn't get at my passport and ended up missing my flight and my whole vacation along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 294

You deserved it 9 537

Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 459

You deserved it 2 987

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 956

You deserved it 3 647

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 573

You deserved it 2 779

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 68

Today, I told my cousin I was admitted to a top MBA program. He asked if it was an online-only certificate program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 203