One can play the "If I was in that situation" game all they want, but until they actually ARE, they can't judge. Abusers don't usually advertise they're an abuser at the beginning of the relationship; it typically starts out with small things and boundary pushing, basically seeing what they can get away with and escalating it from there. They gaslight and emotionally manipulate their partners, who are usually those who are more vulnerable anyway, making them ideal targets for abusers. When you're basically being brainwashed into thinking you deserve the way you're being treated, it's difficult to see you're being abused. I always thought I would never be in a relationship with anyone who treated me that way, either. I thought myself too smart for that...until one day I realized that was exactly the relationship I was in. He never hit me, but the emotional/verbal abuse was just as bad. He was very good about turning situations around to make me be the guilty one, that it was just a misunderstanding or that he was actually the victim. It took me over a year to realize it and leave him. I never did ANYTHING to prompt any of it; he was just an asshole.

It doesn't matter what she did, no-one deserves to be hit. I said "No" to sex, and my husband decided he still wanted it so he hit me and held me down. I threw him out the next day. Did I deserve to be hit because I'd hurt my back and was in too much pain for sex? No. There's no situation in which what would have been ok.