Kids: Congratulations!

Congratulations!

By jennabee97 - 08/11/2014 23:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 915

You deserved it 4 305

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 283

You deserved it 2 584

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 222

You deserved it 4 246

By Confused - 15/09/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 846

You deserved it 2 436

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 055

You deserved it 6 144

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 15:00 - South Africa

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 922

You deserved it 2 176

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 02:13 - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 018

You deserved it 9 452

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 941

You deserved it 4 799

How d'you think?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 02:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 178

Excuses

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 502

You deserved it 54 125

Meat beating

By Anonymous - 07/05/2024 09:00 - New Zealand

Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 197

iLike2Teabag 27

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:08

Holy mother of OP she's good.

giantsfan2010 23

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:10

She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.

Comments

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Sunday 9 November 2014 13:18

I'm not a religious person but I find that quite disrespectful to do that in a place of cult, worse in a place where they are children around. Your parents are quite disturbing.

clemscott 10

Sunday 9 November 2014 14:06

Your parents are revolting

inowhtthefoxsays 20

Sunday 9 November 2014 14:17

Best. FML. Ever

Bmf2000 12

Sunday 9 November 2014 15:06

That's... pretty good.

TonyTalkingClock 11

Sunday 9 November 2014 15:18

I don't even...

okpfakpapk 14

Sunday 9 November 2014 15:19

Is no one else going to comment about the fact that the username has 97 in it and she's pregnant with her second child?

chrisims12 3

Sunday 9 November 2014 15:34

Maybe she graduated college or high school in 97

rocker_chick23 27

Sunday 9 November 2014 18:47

It could be a random number. I use 86 for my gmail account and I was not born in 86.

The_madmax 23

Sunday 12 April 2015 6:12

97 could just be a lucky number it doesn't have to be the year she was born in

Spark_Slicker 19

Sunday 9 November 2014 15:39

That's incredibly disrespectful and disgusting of your parents. Congratulations on your baby, though.

evanawesome123 11

Sunday 9 November 2014 15:42

Isn't that wrong to do in church

Ahmad69a 10

Sunday 9 November 2014 15:43

You can say, She pulled the job off silently.

demonfacee 14

Sunday 9 November 2014 16:25

Did you really jack off your dad off in church last week? If so, that's pretty bad, but still your mom doesn't need to be all rude about it. Congrats for your second child.