Kids: Congratulations!

Congratulations!

By jennabee97 - 08/11/2014 23:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 936

You deserved it 4 319

Back to school
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 298

You deserved it 2 592

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 236

You deserved it 4 254

By Confused - 15/09/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 868

You deserved it 2 440

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 066

You deserved it 6 155

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 15:00 - South Africa

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 945

You deserved it 2 187

Classic grandma

By Anonymous - 22/07/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I announced my fourth pregnancy, this time with twins. I heard my mother mutter, “Finally two kids from the same dad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 1 095

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 02:13 - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 022

You deserved it 9 497

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 950

You deserved it 4 804

How d'you think?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 02:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 198

Excuses

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 573

You deserved it 54 151

iLike2Teabag 27

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:08

Holy mother of OP she's good.

giantsfan2010 23

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:10

She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.

Comments

Noheartbeat 19

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:36

No one pays attention in church anyways.

brenton490 19

Sunday 9 November 2014 10:28

Except the old lady staring you down across the church

JazNim17 18

Sunday 9 November 2014 14:28

And I fail to see how he old lady is really paying all that much attention if she's busy staring me down.

Narayan96 13

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:36

Mother is a ninja

DestinyNiya 33

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:41

I didn't need to know that either :|

JMichael 25

Sunday 9 November 2014 15:36

I think we all could have gone without knowing lol. Unfortunately this is a site where people post the most messed up things about their lives and we read them no matter how bizarre they are.