Kids: Congratulations!

Congratulations!

By jennabee97 - 08/11/2014 23:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 915

You deserved it 4 305

Summer: Sun, Sea and Blunders
Summer anecdotes where the sun shines... and blunders are never far away! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 283

You deserved it 2 584

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 222

You deserved it 4 246

By Confused - 15/09/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 846

You deserved it 2 436

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 055

You deserved it 6 144

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 15:00 - South Africa

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 922

You deserved it 2 176

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 02:13 - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 018

You deserved it 9 452

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 941

You deserved it 4 799

How d'you think?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 02:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 178

Excuses

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 502

You deserved it 54 125

Meat beating

By Anonymous - 07/05/2024 09:00 - New Zealand

Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 197

iLike2Teabag 27

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:08

Holy mother of OP she's good.

giantsfan2010 23

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:10

She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.

Comments

JaegerMayCry 13

Thursday 13 November 2014 6:25

Mother did always say to set your aspirations high

KingreX32 21

Friday 14 November 2014 6:22

LOLOLOLOLOL she sounds cool.

Nyterfly 4

Friday 14 November 2014 20:33

I hope her dad doesn't aim higher! *SQUUUUIRT*

sourcherrie 4

Monday 17 November 2014 5:29

I'm sorry but that's bloody gold lol

LyricaSilvan 29

Wednesday 19 November 2014 7:25

Are you sure your mom is all right in the head? Because that is really not a normal reaction to being told someone you know is pregnant.

PyroSam 21

Thursday 20 November 2014 23:26

Wouldn't Jesus have been watching?

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

Saturday 6 December 2014 6:06

Maybe

americanafrican 32

Thursday 18 December 2014 11:18

scarred for life you are

thedarkweaboo 14

Sunday 15 February 2015 20:05

I jerk off almost every day in class with nobody noticing..... I hope

JD134 24

Thursday 2 April 2015 23:45

That's jacked up

Lincoln1998 21

Wednesday 17 August 2016 15:37

Your parents just got themselves one-way tickets to hell

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The Top

Today, while working a grueling shift where I wanted to just die, my ex-girlfriend, her friend, and some permed up rich boys pulled to the drive-thru, blasting music and overall being a nuisance. One of her boyfriends pretended to put money in the tip jar, then went, “SIKE!” and they sped off laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 74

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 580

You deserved it 2 750

The Top

Today, I got a call from my son’s teacher. Apparently, while doing a test, he responded to the question, "Predict how the government will change in the next ten years" with, "I’m not psychic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 157

Today, my roommate sent me a picture of his shit. I don’t know what’s worse, the caption saying “3 lbs” or the fact that it was all one gigantic piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 82

Today, after moving to a new neighbourhood, I went to meet my new neighbour. When she opened the door, all she said was, "Oh not you again!", and shut the door in my face. I have no memory of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 637

You deserved it 2 986

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 217

You deserved it 7 582

Today, I went out with a group of friends. I hadn't gone out in a few months since my fiancé left me. They promised me there wouldn't be drinking and would just be video game stuff. By 10pm, everyone was wasted, I got thrown up on and I had to walk home fifteen blocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 141

You deserved it 5 488

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 818

You deserved it 7 056