Kids: Congratulations!

Congratulations!

By jennabee97 - 08/11/2014 23:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 915

You deserved it 4 305

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 283

You deserved it 2 584

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 222

You deserved it 4 246

By Confused - 15/09/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 846

You deserved it 2 436

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 055

You deserved it 6 144

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 15:00 - South Africa

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 922

You deserved it 2 176

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 02:13 - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 018

You deserved it 9 452

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 941

You deserved it 4 799

How d'you think?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 02:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 178

Excuses

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 502

You deserved it 54 125

Meat beating

By Anonymous - 07/05/2024 09:00 - New Zealand

Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 197

iLike2Teabag 27

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:08

Holy mother of OP she's good.

giantsfan2010 23

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:10

She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.

Comments

graceinsheepwear 33

Sunday 9 November 2014 16:35

How can she be sure no one noticed?

Ki11erC 18

Sunday 9 November 2014 17:17

Really hope that 97 isn't indicative of the year you were born...

thecman25 14

Sunday 9 November 2014 17:25

thats some skill right there

allplayedout 20

Sunday 9 November 2014 17:30

Guess "back row" means the same in church and the movies...

cjwayy 22

Sunday 9 November 2014 17:35

Congratulations, OP! I'm really curious as to how you jack someone off in a room full of people where everyone is sitting really close to each other.

alex_gen 38

Sunday 9 November 2014 18:10

Please tell me you're not actually 17.

dcats 13

Sunday 9 November 2014 18:20

What's her point?

rominion 11

Sunday 9 November 2014 18:36

All of a sudden I have an interest in church. Anyone able to give me a hand for my first time? I might be nervous

Omniprism 14

Sunday 9 November 2014 18:40

Wtf is her problem?!?! I'm not disturbed by the church thing it's the fact that she wasn't happy or supportive for you and then responded with that comment. Move away. Far far away.