Kids: Congratulations!

Congratulations!

By jennabee97 - 08/11/2014 23:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 915

You deserved it 4 305

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 283

You deserved it 2 584

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 222

You deserved it 4 246

By Confused - 15/09/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 846

You deserved it 2 436

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 055

You deserved it 6 144

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 15:00 - South Africa

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 922

You deserved it 2 176

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 02:13 - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 018

You deserved it 9 452

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 941

You deserved it 4 799

How d'you think?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 02:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 178

Excuses

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 502

You deserved it 54 125

Meat beating

By Anonymous - 07/05/2024 09:00 - New Zealand

Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 197

iLike2Teabag 27

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:08

Holy mother of OP she's good.

giantsfan2010 23

Sunday 9 November 2014 9:10

She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.

Comments

jelly_bennett 23

Sunday 9 November 2014 11:12

Good to know she has her priorities straight

vlalam 24

Sunday 9 November 2014 11:15

What's wrong some of these parents? talk abt teaching morals and values???

mishwarner 14

Sunday 9 November 2014 11:33

Haha guess your mum thinks you deserve a better life than just procreating. Either that or she thinks you're a terrible mum

Setareh23 34

Sunday 9 November 2014 15:37

So jacking someone off during church is having a better life than having children? Not to mention it doesn't say anywhere that OP does nothing but procreate. In any case, sure, she might think OP's a bad mom (even if she did that doesn't mean it's true). Or maybe she's just jealous and attention-seeking.

mishwarner 14

Sunday 9 November 2014 20:59

OP's mum was clearly talking about achievements. Her reaction indicates she wants her daughter to achieve in other ways

chosha_fml 26

Sunday 9 November 2014 11:42

At least you're sure you're pregnant. She can't be sure no-one noticed her little sex act.

chosha_fml 26

Sunday 9 November 2014 11:46

Congrats on your pregnancy, OP. Sorry you have a mother who feels the need to one up you, and has achieved so little that all she has to brag about is being a slag in church.