Intimacy: Dad jokes

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 020

You deserved it 67 206

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Same thing different taste

Hang ups

By at least put on sexy underwear - 01/09/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 124

By T-Guy - 03/07/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 292

You deserved it 50 985

By beaverless - 02/05/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 559

You deserved it 17 600

That kidnapped kink

By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 829

You deserved it 6 108

Hot and… greasy

By cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 657

You deserved it 6 225

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 426

You deserved it 6 871

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 940

You deserved it 15 971

Tiger King

By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 234

Sounds hot

By oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 024

You deserved it 9 492

By Firepussy911 - 14/06/2018 06:22

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 915

You deserved it 519

FlashBurn 13

Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.

dannyboy66 7

Monday 16 May 2011 12:06

sounds spicy

Comments

M3H3R 1

Saturday 21 May 2011 3:32

bhahahaha

aswan15 0

Saturday 21 May 2011 21:42

haha smart a$$

facethtcreeps 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 9:35

well I thought it was funny

LeelaD 0

Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:12

That's something smartass my bf would do, but I have a sense of humor. Sounds like you need a new gf.

FranticRamblings 0

Tuesday 24 May 2011 16:15

If I had a bf, I would laugh and do things spicier than the spices to him.

BuhxritNAYY 5

Thursday 26 May 2011 7:51

okay even if I was being serious, I would still laugh really hard. this is one of the few fml's that made me laugh out loud. it's a funny joke, and you could always talk about it after, repeating you were serious. don't refuse to have sex, she asked for it

jUNNiiEB 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 5:31

This is where I would say well played but your gf doesnt seem to understand humor :|

BigOrca 2

Saturday 28 May 2011 16:33

I agree. I am so doing this. I no my wife will laugh.

granolabutt8 7

Wednesday 1 June 2011 6:29

LMAO. That's SO funny! That reminds me of one time I told my boyfriend to say something naughty, and he said "I'm gonna draw all over the walls with crayon and make you clean it up!" I lost it. Your girl is a twat, OP. I would have taken you right there. Find someone with a sense of humor.