Intimacy, Sex, Dogs and Relatable: Dog people

Dog people

By anonymous - 12/12/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, my dog-obsessed wife complained that we never have sex anymore. Call me crazy but constantly hearing her say how dogs are better than husbands, sleeping with three huge dogs in bed every night, and watching her shove her tongue in the dogs’ mouths doesn’t exactly whip me into a sexual frenzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 603

You deserved it 258

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Same thing different taste

Justice for Doggy Boy the dog!

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 16:01

Today, I hate my wife’s dog. It destroys everything in the house, it destroys my garden, she barks constantly in her bed, and when I walk her she tries to attack every living thing she sees, but the instant I talk to my wife about her behaviour, I get yelled at for being mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 175

Dogs rule

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 04:00

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 339

Bitches, amirite?

By Sergeant Bri - 16/07/2023 09:00 - United States - Norwood

Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 292

Isn't there someone you forgot to ask?

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 02:00

Today, I've come to the realization that my girlfriend's mini Australian Shepherd dictates everything, from a hug and kiss goodbye, to when we try to have sex. The worst part is she won't do anything about it. Looks like another night with the damn dog between us… FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 290

Bad sex

By Undersexed - 14/09/2016 22:01 - United States - Washington

Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 947

You deserved it 2 450

By Anon. - 05/05/2016 21:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 708

You deserved it 2 367

Lonely, so lonely…

By Anonymous - 23/04/2022 14:00

Today, as I watched my male and female dogs frolic, play, and lick each other, it occurred to me there's more love and romance between them than I have ever had in my whole damned life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 172

Deflection

By Richard - 25/06/2012 03:03 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said, "Yeah yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 492

You deserved it 6 201

Man's best friend

By just being honest - 19/05/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend is refusing to do anything around the house for me, including cooking, cleaning, laundry, or having sex. When I saw her cooking, I asked if any was for me. She instead replied, “Have the dog do it for you.” All this after I told her honestly that yes, my dog does mean more to me than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 2 798

Definitely maybe

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 00:00

Today, my marriage is more or less over, as my wife is so career-obsessed that when I asked if we could spend some time together, she rolled her eyes and gave me permission to sleep with other women, since sex is all I think about. I didn’t ask for sex, just time together. Definitely over I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 866

You deserved it 186

Marcella1016 31

Sunday 12 December 2021 20:26

I have never ever understood how/why people let dogs lick them in their mouths. They lick their balls, eat shit, and everything in between. And I’ve seen videos of people letting their dogs lick all over their babies’ faces and in their mouths too. Like wtf guys?? 🤮🤮🤮

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 12 December 2021 20:19

Not sure why she wants to have sex with you. Sounds like she's already getting it from her dogs.

Comments

Bonniibiik 6

Sunday 12 December 2021 20:01

Ew.

Bonniibiik 6

Sunday 12 December 2021 20:03

Ew.

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 12 December 2021 20:19

Not sure why she wants to have sex with you. Sounds like she's already getting it from her dogs.

Marcella1016 31

Sunday 12 December 2021 20:26

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 12 December 2021 20:30

Other way around. OP's wife is the one initiating the make out sessions with her dogs.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 12 December 2021 21:54

Ok, you are crazy! Your wife French kisses her dogs and you're still around? That's crazy! You don't French kiss dogs -- except French bulldogs, because they're so cute with their little smushed-in faces that it's ok.

randybryant799 20

Monday 13 December 2021 2:19

You seem jealous of the dogs.

great_nate 26

Monday 13 December 2021 5:00

🤮

Charlie Given 26

Monday 13 December 2021 13:47

Just simply tell her watching her make out with the dogs makes you want to barf, so that's a turn off and also let her know having three huge mutts in the bed is a **** block. Like serious your dogs are in your bed that's ******* gross, they're barefoot they step in their own piss and shit all day, that's just as nasty as her kissing them. I mean Christ I'm an animal lover but that shit would be a deal breaker for me.