Miscellaneous and Cars: Doofus

Doofus

By Burned - 11/06/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I learned that if you're going to light a bottle rocket and throw it out the window of a car, you should roll the window down before you light the bottle rocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 973

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Same thing different taste

By michael - 14/02/2012 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 191

You deserved it 42 011

Your brain on alcohol

By michael - 17/07/2019 12:07

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 2 917

By alex - 24/02/2012 21:35 - United States

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 760

You deserved it 34 233

By litup - 04/07/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 709

You deserved it 6 592

By Anonymous - 05/07/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, my neighbor and I learned why fireworks are illegal in city limits. This lesson was learned shortly after a roman candle came crashing through my second story window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 251

You deserved it 8 055

Right back at ya!

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I had just got a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I thought it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 942

You deserved it 104 209

By Anonymous - 22/01/2017 18:00

Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 399

You deserved it 550

Anger management

By Manuel Gearbox - 12/07/2021 18:01 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I drove a different work vehicle, one with the cupholder right behind the gear lever. After multiple accidental attempts at changing gears with my Coke bottle, I threw it out the window in a temper. I then got busted for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 1 644

By Anonymous - 24/02/2014 15:21 - United States

Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 077

You deserved it 51 906

Barf

By epicfailureismyl - 05/04/2018 15:00

Today, whilst driving, I had the sudden urge to vomit. As I pulled over I wound my window down, stuck my head out, and emptied my stomach. At least I would have if I had wound down the driver's window instead of the back window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 543

You deserved it 940

BurnInDemonFire 34

Wednesday 12 June 2024 2:12

It's been a while since I used this: you stupid bastard!

Crowned Sataness 12

Wednesday 12 June 2024 2:17

are you stupid? that's not even funny as a teen prank. you know how many accidents you can cause and fires you can start. ****** idiot

Comments

JackWood 20

Tuesday 11 June 2024 22:04

That's a hard lesson but one you don't repeat

poopface82 19

Tuesday 11 June 2024 22:11

Please go forth, bonk your head on a hardback book and don’t do it again.

BurnInDemonFire 34

Wednesday 12 June 2024 2:12

It's been a while since I used this: you stupid bastard!

Crowned Sataness 12

Wednesday 12 June 2024 2:17

are you stupid? that's not even funny as a teen prank. you know how many accidents you can cause and fires you can start. ****** idiot

JuneBleeds4 17

Wednesday 12 June 2024 6:43

Future Darwin Award candidate right here, folks.

Keywords

Money Scams Food Health Relatable Parents Love Lonely Growing old Miscellaneous Work Games Cheating Weird Awkward Birthday Romantic Sex Intimacy Ironic Shopping Embarrassing Sexting Porn Restaurants Confused Family Cute Kids Music

The Top

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 361

You deserved it 3 164

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 792

You deserved it 3 392

The Top

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 943

You deserved it 2 540

Today, I was helping my dad move into his new house. It's a 4-bedroom house and he has three kids so it's perfect. I was wandering around and noticed that the first bedroom is his, the second is my older brother's, the third is my younger sister's, and the fourth is an office. I have no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 981

You deserved it 3 330

Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat!" I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 852

You deserved it 40 693

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 693

You deserved it 65 198

Today, my extended family came over for Christmas. I forgot to get a present for my extremely sensitive aunt. I took a gift from my re-gift pile and wrapped it quickly. Little did I remember that it was the same gift she gave me last year. She noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 900

You deserved it 42 521

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 914

You deserved it 13 006