Gross and Health: Dude, gross! - FML

Dude, gross!

By utensils123 - 13/12/2024 18:00 - Australia

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 351

You deserved it 2 319

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Random Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 465

You deserved it 4 677

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 438

You deserved it 28 105

Weird dude of the day

By Anonymous - 30/06/2017 02:00

Today, I caught my 29 year-old brother-in-law scratching his poison ivy with a handful of forks before putting them back in the drawer. I called him on it and he huffed, "You've never said anything before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 914

You deserved it 367

By Waitingtomoveout - 12/01/2017 17:09

Today, I had to remove my brother's pubic hairs from the bathtub before bathing my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 414

You deserved it 783

By oh for f*cks sake - 20/03/2017 12:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 825

You deserved it 414

By who wants spaghetti - 17/12/2015 03:42 - United States - Oconomowoc

Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 884

You deserved it 1 555

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 050

You deserved it 418

Sharing is caring

By Eddie - 07/03/2021 23:00

Today, I caught my sister using my shaver to trim her pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 128

By Picky - 06/07/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 070

You deserved it 372

Classy.

By klifestyle2012 - 12/11/2017 19:00

Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 141

You deserved it 337

Next

Top comments

blaaaaakely 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:02

crabs for dinner

thrice324 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:03

Use his toothbrush as a *****.

Comments

Peroxide 3

Tuesday 9 February 2010 13:03

So thats what the sporks for. Half fork, half spoon, half ball scratcher. DO NOT QUESTION MY MATHS!

TehFuzzyOne 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 13:53

lawl. that is all i can say.

Zills 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 13:05

#18 ftw

Twi_lover_EC 6

Tuesday 9 February 2010 13:10

Ewwwww! I would seriously mess my brother up if he did that!

zuuzuu_fml 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 13:57

thats discusting!!

pride90 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 14:07

disgusting as hell... man some ppl are just.. nastyyy yuckkk

mekarski1008 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 14:11

Don't ask wat the wisk is for. xD

youngmikeeee 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 14:19

Damn, what a dirtball..... CRABS anyone?

mzhonesty 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 14:41

You know, up until I came on this site, I never expected people to be this disgusting. This is why I will put all of my kitchen utensils in a locked cabinet.

danielle8D 0

Wednesday 10 February 2010 7:49

thats actually not a bad idea. OP, do this and see if it helps :D

perdix 29

Tuesday 9 February 2010 14:49

You Aussies eat Vegemite, so I don't know how you can tell the difference between that and your brother's smegma.

perdix 29

Tuesday 9 February 2010 15:31

Yeast extract is just a euphemism for the scum that remains after beer is processed. Another euphemism: beef by-products = cow lips and assholes. Bon appetit!

Ajjas013 6

Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:03

You lost me again perdix...

chasin_butterfli 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 15:05

I believe I'll skip dinner at your house.

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 9 464

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 577

You deserved it 5 576

The Top

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 541

You deserved it 51 149

Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 290

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 741

You deserved it 3 492

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 557

You deserved it 12 175

Today, while showering, I noticed a spider drowning in the bath. Spiders gross me out but I felt a moral duty to save it. Reluctantly, I scooped it up and carried it to safety. Then I realised it was my housemate's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 794

You deserved it 1 276

Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 890

You deserved it 3 070