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By notrocketscience - 07/05/2012 15:57 - United States - West Monroe

Today, the father of my child couldn't understand why he had been laid off from his job as a painter's assistant. He couldn't find a broom or vacuum, so he "cleaned" a carpet by laying down strips of painter's tape and pulling it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 414

You deserved it 3 769

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/11/2011 08:40 - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 952

You deserved it 2 506

Messy

By Danielle Heichelbech - 15/11/2020 20:01

Today my 28-year-old husband got bored while cleaning the car. So he decided to stage a "crumb sacrifice to the vacuum gods" to "ensure a bountiful harvest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 312

Grow up

By Anonymous - 08/04/2024 17:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I cleaned my 21 year-old son's bedroom from top to bottom. When he got home from work all he could do was complain that the clothes that were on his "floordrobe"’ were "only worn once." This was my only day off, so why do I bother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 693

By anonymous - 26/01/2013 08:42 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 218

You deserved it 5 653

Remodeling

By Spelit - 13/08/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 020

You deserved it 13 625

By gypsy - 24/06/2011 02:00 - Australia

Today, I hired a cleaner to clean my apartment so when my in-laws visited tonight, they wouldn't think I was lazy. I got home from work, the cleaner hadn't shown at all, and my in-laws had arrived early. My mother-in-law is now mopping the floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 292

You deserved it 37 763

By Anonymous - 11/09/2011 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 255

You deserved it 3 186

By JB - 07/12/2011 14:29 - United States

Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 015

You deserved it 28 760

Silly idiot

By Heather - 04/03/2010 12:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 252

You deserved it 3 698

DIY FML

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 03:59 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my dad told me it would be fine to use the mounting tape he'd bought to place paintings up in my newly painted room. I did, but after deciding I wanted to move a painting and pulling it off the wall, the wall came with it. Back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 908

You deserved it 5 785

SkoomaKi 27

Monday 7 May 2012 18:54

The intelligence is strong with this one. He improvised, give him some credit there.

Redoxx_fml 22

Monday 7 May 2012 18:53

Smartest man ever

Comments

krysal2395 1

Monday 7 May 2012 20:51

That's actually pretty smart instead of just leaving it there he put way more effort into it

corleon198425 22

Monday 7 May 2012 20:51

Seems normal to me

Enslaved 36

Monday 7 May 2012 21:08

"By hook or by crook." At least he didn't leave the mess for you to clean up.

rokemay 10

Monday 7 May 2012 21:58

If it was at work, why would op have to clean up?

laevatin 2

Monday 7 May 2012 21:09

Or what she said:.... FML.

BossFML1996 1

Monday 7 May 2012 21:11

You got your self a keeper!

OfficeNinja 5

Monday 7 May 2012 21:26

You thought it was a good idea to sleep with him.

zaza_x_fml 5

Monday 7 May 2012 21:27

I think what he did was sensible, at least he didn't give up and leave the carpets messy.

Omnomnomnivore 10

Monday 7 May 2012 21:36

Hisboss must be a dick.. At least the man tried, right?

pagullarka 9

Monday 7 May 2012 21:37

That's how you got pregnant instead off using condom he used scotch tape around his thingy.

_wraith 15

Monday 7 May 2012 21:58

"Thingy," huh?

Sundaysilence05 0

Monday 7 May 2012 22:08

#99 your comment made me lol at work i got in trouble for reading fml thx for being so funny

resinking789 0

Monday 7 May 2012 21:45

And your baby daddy is what,..14?

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The Top

Today, my dad learned that I sometimes waffle stomp in the shower if I wake up late. He built a shower stall outside and has threatened to kick me out if he ever finds me showering inside again. I get that it's kinda gross but this is a massive overreaction. What will I do in winter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 1 310

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 768

You deserved it 18 300

The Top

Today, I was at a party with my girlfriend and this older guy came in and started talking to me about his rock climbing lessons earlier that week. I told him "I'm really drunk, so I really couldn't give a shit about what you did." It was my girlfriend's father picking her up to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 054

You deserved it 73 691

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 429

You deserved it 9 020

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 323

You deserved it 14 182

Today, I was chewed out by my boss for reporting someone not wearing a mask in our store, because, "no one likes a snitch." I'm the security guard. It's my job to report that to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 155

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with, "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 561

You deserved it 8 481

Today, I learned that working while taking muscle relaxers is not as fun as it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 555