Poopoo peepee, Dad jokes and Health: Enough with the puns

Enough with the puns

By fuckmuppet - 27/05/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 744

You deserved it 7 484

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By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I have an awful stomach virus. I can only drink liquids and can't eat anything solid, especially anything spicy. My dad forced me to eat the fajitas he'd made for dinner and screamed at me when I told him I couldn't, then screamed at me again for "wasting food" when I predictably threw up all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 86

By shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 3 073

By green and not with envy - 13/06/2014 20:17 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 781

You deserved it 5 802

By mikey51 - 10/03/2012 01:56 - Australia

Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 632

You deserved it 41 587

I told you so

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my parents brought home lunch from a shady grocery store deli. They mused about how hard I am to feed because I turned it down; the last time I ate anything from there, it gave me botulism, and it tastes horrible anyway. They both got sick. Now I'm playing nurse to both. No apologies yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 68

All you can eat buffet of shit

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my dad insisted on taking us to a local buffet that is known for bad food and botulism. He kept piling things onto a plate for me, despite my objections. A waitress commented on how much was on my plate. I told her I wasn't hungry, and it was my dad's doing. Her response, "Your skinny self needs to eat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 98

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 447

You deserved it 11 656

By MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 772

You deserved it 3 361

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 295

You deserved it 7 527

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 17:30

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 032

You deserved it 194

laurenlovesjb 20

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:14

I was recently on a 2-week Europe tour with my Rotary Exchange District and got food poisoning the first day. Our trip chaperone kept making pregnancy jokes at me the whole time on our way to the doctor's. I know your pain. Also, we practically lived on a bus...

JustinKirby 20

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:18

Make a complaint to the restaurant that their food made you sick, hopefully they don't just try to give you a new meal free ending you up in the same situation.

Comments

laurenlovesjb 20

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:14

feelingold 18

Wednesday 28 May 2014 0:35

Does OP's dad post comments on FML? That material sounds mighty familiar! And yes I know this is a #1 post hijack but let's be honest, you were bored by the time you got to the word 'rotary'....

J3R3MYY 14

Wednesday 28 May 2014 3:31

Hey it's one of my beliebers!

incoherentrmblr 21

Wednesday 28 May 2014 5:48

The title is epic, and as for the ending, all I can think of is the Tick, "Spooooonnnnn!!!..."

mutantproudish 16

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:15

Wow, that sucks. Where'd you eat?

jerryj 27

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:16

Good thing I had my shovel in my hand already. Who wants to join in the burying? EDIT: Good save #2 with editing the comment.

chickenfeet223 11

Wednesday 28 May 2014 4:52

Little mean don't you think ?

domking1315 20

Wednesday 28 May 2014 5:01

Makes me wonder what the original comment was

Pingvinai 37

Wednesday 28 May 2014 5:09

But...what was the comment?

jerryj 27

Wednesday 28 May 2014 5:48

The original comment contained an unspeakable word that numbers 8, 15 and 17 used below.

9echo 17

Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:03

Somebody dodged a bullet there.

mutantproudish 16

Friday 30 May 2014 7:46

I know my original comment was terrible, so glad I changed it.

FrenchMixer 9

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:15

Ton pere est donc un gros encule Voila la conclusion que j'en tire salope :D hahaaa

AustinDenton 22

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:15

Your dad is awesome.

ohcheriecherie 20

Wednesday 28 May 2014 1:36

if OP's dad was on FML, he would get downvoted.

Respect101 17

Wednesday 28 May 2014 5:32

I would give him thumbs up, he is just attempting to make light of a bad situation. As long as others were laughing with him and not him by himself.

Fmlsea 28

Wednesday 28 May 2014 8:16

well obviously he was going overboard since it drove op to the point of wanting to hurt him.so im guessing the only one getting a laugh was the dad.

thesinginguy 18

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:16

That's shit luck you have there.

JustinKirby 20

Tuesday 27 May 2014 23:18

Make a complaint to the restaurant that their food made you sick, hopefully they don't just try to give you a new meal free ending you up in the same situation.