FML Uncensored

By Nightmares - 07/08/2012 02:00 - United States

Spicy
Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 738
You deserved it 8 326
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Top comments

rosie981 3

That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.....

208 11

Comments

SooperSuper 2

Oh my god.. Lol This is why i'm grateful i have a car.

16 4
coolidgesmith 2

I hope when you bought your car you told the dealer you were buying it because you were afraid of auto-fellatio on the subway. I really do.

12 0
mario2012 18

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
12 28
tennisrapper1 14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
6 21
Pogox 5

Hey Mario and Luigi? Both of you shut the hell up, you just sound stupid.

0 3
perdix 29

You should have pushed his head down (or pulled the little one up.)

39 8
tennisrapper1 14

Forced deepthroat? Could be liable for damages to the vocal cords. Wouldn't want to shock him from that intense pleasure...

10 0
perdix 29

If you break his neck achieving a successful docking maneuver, he would have wanted to go out that way.

15 3
tennisrapper1 14

His dick has to be REALLY hard for that to happen. xD

3 4
tennisrapper1 14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
6 21
AGhost5445 25

Why would she want to join him?

5 2
KeyboardWarrior 10

That wasn't really sarcasm, friend. Unless of course, you're implying OP SHOULD join him, in which case I stand corrected. But, that's highly unlikely.

8 2
tennisrapper1 14

From what he learned, he might as well be the instructor by now...

10 1
quite_bored 9

Obviously they haven't paid off if he was merely trying.

1 1
olpally 32

Quagmire is really out of control lately... Lol. Careful op, he's into some freaky shit. Run away fast!

20 5
br0ccoli 14

In New York, that's a common rule: If the subway car is full and you "luckily" found two empty seats, don't sit on them. It's either doused in bodily fluids or the person next to it wants to douse it in bodily fluids. In my mom's case, she sat next to a guy with a massive amount of head lice crawling in and out of his hairline.

45 2
gracehi 31

I actually think that may be more disgusting than the situation in this FML. At least attempted self pleasure isn't contagious.

22 1
Ray_of_midnight 22

This whole scenario just screams "1970s New York City", doesn't it? :-/

2 4
Petunia888 13

If he could successfully do that, he'd never need to leave the house!

5 3
perdix 29

Instead of judging people for trying to reach their dreams, you ought to consider dropping a few hundred pounds so you don't need two seats on the subway.

49 13
elephantsarecute 16

I would imagine you may not use public transport much, because the general rule is to look before you sit.

12 0