Love: Get out!

Get out!

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 21:12 - United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 157

You deserved it 68 100

Back to school
Is that it, have we really enjoyed the holidays? It's time to find the best back-to-school struggles. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 944

You deserved it 7 034

By Anonymous - 01/03/2014 18:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 533

You deserved it 5 521

Mistaken identity

By Anonymous - 23/04/2022 12:00

Today, I asked my crush out for coffee but she wanted to go shopping. When she pulled me into the dressing room for my opinion on a bikini, I told her this was too fast for a first date. She looked at me in absolute horror. She thought I was gay, as in a harmless gay friend she could take shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 264

By tacoboy - 21/08/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 200

You deserved it 6 593

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 561

You deserved it 2 947

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 956

You deserved it 5 323

By steak through the heart - 18/11/2014 18:57 - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 070

You deserved it 4 128

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 393

You deserved it 4 322

Chris Hansen time

By lloydLO - 24/10/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years-old. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 136

You deserved it 13 623

By Loose Goose - 24/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 716

You deserved it 730

ydi_ruuc 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:03

you expect to much...

irishfever 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:07

Just because you took her on a date you automatically get sex?

Comments

paperisuseful 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:09

lmao why would u assume that

twilight_0118 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:10

wow you deserve it you pervert!! she's your gf, you should be with her because you love her, why should it matter wheather you get some everytime you go on a date?? I hate guys like you, YDI.

iwadasn 32

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:36

I agree. It seems the OP doesn't actually want to spend time with her unless they're having sex.

Domonator 16

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:33

iwadasn, you are 100% correct. Thank you.

pleasenopuffin 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:10

Moron. YDI.

junkie2010 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:11

in the morning coffee is coffee at 12 midnite coffee is sex I know it doesn't apply here but any day ya can quote Seinfeld is a good one. oh and sucks to be you lol

Mx_Rider 6

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:11

lmfao way to go op, way to go.

onexgun 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:11

wow your a ****** idiot

perdix 29

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:11

I hear ya, brother! Once this hot girl said she was going to give me a "********." When I got there, she hired me to inflate balloons for 3 cents each :(

ImaginaryFoe 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:24

LMAO! Perdix, I favorited this just because your comment is so win.

xHabsfanx 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:49

Lol and only 3 cents?

x_AbyssGazing_x 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:00

Mucho bueno

perdix 29

Thursday 11 March 2010 6:08

Habs and chaos, Aw, she buttered me up by saying "A big, strong virile stud like you should be able to blow up 250 balloons an hour" and teasingly lowered the strap of her halter top revealing most of her heaving bosom (no nips :( ) and I went for it! I've GOT to think with the LITTLE head next time!

dman4412 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:12

you don't get what you don't ask for and most girls never initiate sex so I don't blame him

twilight_0118 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:13

perdix- ya but what happened to you actually makes sense. why would the op even think like that?? that's just stupid

perdix 29

Thursday 11 March 2010 2:30

Even worse, I earned 54 cents and then passed out. While I was unconscious, she sodomized me with a series of kitchen and garden implements, posted it on RedTube and it went viral. She's now a millionaire **** producer living in LA specializing in feminist rape fantasies! She shorted me by 4 cents. . . FML.

ChihiruLee 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 2:37

OMG Perdix, that was you. You have ruined me for all other people. We call you Purrdick, but that is just because we have the version with the cat ears. But we loved you in Gardening Ass, Kitchen Itchin', and Help It Tickles like Pain. The fact that you are still so strong even after she put the rake...OMG you just as so strong.

perdix 29

Thursday 11 March 2010 2:47

Thanks, it was tough. I didn't shit right for a month (Bad Santa). Waking up with a quarter duct-taped to each ******** was a nasty touch. It did teach me the hard way that I really should shave down there. Luckily my face didn't get into the videos, but when I went for a colonoscopy, a crowd formed. When I watch the Academy Awards I look at all the famous assholes and realize that I literally have a famous asshole!

TheLetterZero 7

Thursday 11 March 2010 3:50

@42 I'd like to request a new comedian. One that doesn't suck.

DGross 8

Thursday 11 March 2010 5:11

actually #179 very rarely does Perdix do the "sucking"... I got the impression he is usually on the dealing-out end of such oral encounters...

perdix 29

Thursday 11 March 2010 6:24

Thanks, DGross, but don't forget the boobies ;)

flcl2 2

Thursday 11 March 2010 6:52

agreed, partially. the balloon comment was roflmao. then he got rallied on by his supporters and proceeded to kill the joke by trying too hard to keep it rolling. good comedians know when to make a quick escape and leave on a high note.