My ex and Love: Goblin mode

Goblin mode

By WELLFUCKYOUTOO - 14/08/2012 15:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 575

You deserved it 2 333

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Same thing different taste

By wellokaythen - 14/05/2013 19:52 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 933

You deserved it 5 119

Half-hearted

By SherryBaby - 29/12/2009 07:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex, asking if I would go out with him tonight. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 871

You deserved it 28 228

What a coincidence

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 20:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 389

Weird dude

By Anonymous - 09/04/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 244

By youre dumped shitforbrain - 19/08/2012 16:52 - Sweden - H?lleforsn

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 734

You deserved it 5 476

Violence is never the answer

By MUemma - 26/02/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 032

You deserved it 49 360

By Anonymous - 08/08/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled, "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 794

You deserved it 3 788

By Shuttie - 18/01/2013 12:55 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 589

You deserved it 43 608

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 18:30

Today, my fiancé accused me of cheating and broke up with me. I texted his best friend, who I've never talked to before, to see if he could talk some sense into my ex. Turns out he has several fiancées and was cheating on me since day one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 588

You deserved it 253

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 391

You deserved it 50 992

bengermin 5

Tuesday 14 August 2012 18:54

Props on introducing "asscricket" to the vernacular, though!

MelissaRoo2 6

Tuesday 14 August 2012 18:52

You should smear it on his car.

Comments

That_Korean_Kid 4

Tuesday 14 August 2012 18:59

Lol! Asscricket

theanimepanda 4

Tuesday 14 August 2012 19:00

Mommy, what's an asscricket?

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Tuesday 14 August 2012 19:34

Refer to 25 :P

MsConfusedd 27

Tuesday 14 August 2012 20:34

When a man and a woman hate each other very much....

Kiki242 19

Tuesday 14 August 2012 19:00

You should throw shit on his face!

ALpein 0

Tuesday 14 August 2012 21:22

Now THIS is assult.

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Tuesday 14 August 2012 21:55

Ha, ASSault. Get it, cause...oh never mind.

caesari 14

Tuesday 14 August 2012 19:01

Word of the day- asscricket.

fleurie 6

Tuesday 14 August 2012 19:02

Lol @ " asscricket"

AlexaWuzHere 31

Tuesday 14 August 2012 19:06

Was he expecting a yes? I mean come on, he asked you out by text, and cheated on you last time. I hope you went outside and smeared it on his face.

olpally 32

Tuesday 14 August 2012 19:07

Love the username op!! Looks like your caps lock got stuck for a good reason!! What a piece of shit ex-boyfriend....wow.. Call the cops and have him arrested for a being a psycho dick ******.

Korra_fml 23

Wednesday 15 August 2012 0:24

lmao misread that as "psycho duck ******"... thats what i get for losing my glasses... but if this guy would do something as gross as play with dog crap, maybe he would do something as gross as violating a poor little ducky

FranzFerdinand 18

Tuesday 14 August 2012 19:09

Well, at least you hope it's dog shit… clingy people do some weird things to mark their territory. FYL, hope you called the police since that's actually really messed up.