My ex and Love: Goblin mode

Goblin mode

By WELLFUCKYOUTOO - 14/08/2012 15:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 569

You deserved it 2 332

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Same thing different taste

By wellokaythen - 14/05/2013 19:52 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 930

You deserved it 5 118

Half-hearted

By SherryBaby - 29/12/2009 07:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex, asking if I would go out with him tonight. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 870

You deserved it 28 225

What a coincidence

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 20:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 385

Weird dude

By Anonymous - 09/04/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 348

You deserved it 242

By youre dumped shitforbrain - 19/08/2012 16:52 - Sweden - H?lleforsn

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 733

You deserved it 5 476

Violence is never the answer

By MUemma - 26/02/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 032

You deserved it 49 351

By Anonymous - 08/08/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled, "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 794

You deserved it 3 788

By Shuttie - 18/01/2013 12:55 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 588

You deserved it 43 604

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 18:30

Today, my fiancé accused me of cheating and broke up with me. I texted his best friend, who I've never talked to before, to see if he could talk some sense into my ex. Turns out he has several fiancées and was cheating on me since day one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 585

You deserved it 249

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 391

You deserved it 50 986

bengermin 5

Tuesday 14 August 2012 18:54

Props on introducing "asscricket" to the vernacular, though!

MelissaRoo2 6

Tuesday 14 August 2012 18:52

You should smear it on his car.

Comments

goose12321 11

Tuesday 14 August 2012 21:03

How do you know it was dog crap specifically?

Mahtari 19

Tuesday 14 August 2012 21:07

Lol, asscricket.

jcd824 5

Tuesday 14 August 2012 21:13

I wonder what he was thinking of when he was filling his bag full of shit. -____-

stewy133 10

Tuesday 14 August 2012 21:14

Very clever/interesting choice of words. :D

cringe1996 5

Tuesday 14 August 2012 21:18

Hahaa.....asscricket

KayleeT 9

Tuesday 14 August 2012 21:20

Hmm ... Well THAT will really make her want to go out with him. What a romantic gesture !

trucker1945 9

Tuesday 14 August 2012 22:33

Unless you saw the dog shit in the bag how can you be sure it wasn't his shit. Call the cops could be harassment, vandalism,disorderly conduct. Maybe some health code violation

ryanbeast 7

Tuesday 14 August 2012 22:45

At least he didn't put crap in a bag and light it on fire

add_shineythings 2

Tuesday 14 August 2012 22:54

I've been there! Well, no poop smearing was involved, but I've been in a very similar situation. I hope you stay strong and away from him. I might have to borrow your "asscricket" phrase. Absolutely priceless. I also envision the ex not wearing gloves, and in which case he's twice the asscricket cause he's the one who touched the poop. Hope you have a high powered hose!

Sanch101 7

Tuesday 14 August 2012 23:17

I hope you reported this to the police as if he is a psycho there is a risk it may escalate and you need a record of prior problems to help get legal restraint on him if required.