Neighbours, Farts and Health: Hear this?

Hear this?

By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - 11/07/2014 20:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 849

You deserved it 6 934

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 17:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 580

You deserved it 4 362

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 08:40 - United States

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 925

You deserved it 7 349

Inside out?

By Anonymous - 09/11/2023 21:00

Today, I’ve been having the worst gas, nausea, and stomach pain of my life and literally nothing I do works. While I was at work, I farted but it came from the inside out; it was so loud there’s no way everyone didn’t hear it. My stomach started bubbling so loud, the guy sitting behind me got up and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 147

Symphony

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 488

You deserved it 5 202

By Anonymous - 08/06/2014 02:34 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 078

You deserved it 6 690

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 893

Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 297

You deserved it 7 527

By anonymous - 08/06/2011 16:47 - United States

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 634

You deserved it 43 511

By yogapants - 24/09/2010 20:21 - Switzerland

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 250

You deserved it 14 868

mysadlyfe 9

Saturday 12 July 2014 3:37

I lost it at "my asshole went numb" sorry op!! sounds embarassing!

ForFudgeSake 6

Saturday 12 July 2014 3:37

You should have gone somewhere farter away.

Comments

bookie1981 7

Saturday 12 July 2014 3:48

Maybe he was choking from the smell?

91hayek 31

Saturday 12 July 2014 3:54

I like how you started with 'gastric distress' having me think you were a demure, proper lady too polite to type out 'fart'. Then suddenly I'm reading graphic descriptions of the numbness of your sphincter. This FML getting a gold star from me.

magikarpsmurfs 19

Saturday 12 July 2014 3:55

You know it's a good one when your chili hole goes numb. I think your neighbor was quietly impressed & jealous of your superior farting prowess. So you left him speechless.

dudeman1212 22

Saturday 12 July 2014 3:55

Talk about explosive first impressions

corn_flake 19

Saturday 12 July 2014 3:56

That is why you stay inside to rip yourself a new asshole lol

RedPillSucks 31

Saturday 12 July 2014 4:15

And foul up the house?!

buckdharma 37

Saturday 12 July 2014 4:09

Op, you expect me to believe that your fart left your ass, climbed over a fence, and entered your neighbor's nasal passages, producing a cough I might add, in one second? I tend to believe the shot came from the gassy troll, a second pooter, if I may.

Brandi_Faith 33

Wednesday 16 July 2014 7:32

I think the neighbours cough may have been more of an embarrassing "WTF?" Or an "I totally just heard that" kind of cough.

Kiki242 19

Saturday 12 July 2014 4:11

I love the fact that you had to limp. That was the fart of all farts.

abc_1_2_3 12

Saturday 12 July 2014 4:27

A fart that made you yelp in pain? Left your asshole numb? Wow must have been some fart, sounds impressive xD

False_Stupidity 41

Saturday 12 July 2014 4:28

Love your username OP, totally applies to anyone contemplating one of those overused xx situation puns. Oh and that fart.. really impressive!

False_Stupidity 41

Saturday 12 July 2014 4:44

I meant to add, There's no shame in letting rip with such an impressive monster. You should have stayed where you were and owned up to that one with pride!