Health, Dogs and Animals: Instant cure - FML

Instant cure

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 579

You deserved it 4 949

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Same thing different taste

You played yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 104

You deserved it 49 219

Second class citizen

By crapped on - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 561

You deserved it 4 261

Rewind time

By supersmashpika - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 670

You deserved it 9 996

The ending of Lost explained

By Morgan - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 862

You deserved it 30 067

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 249

You deserved it 1 256

Hands off parenting

By iloveyoutoomom - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 610

You deserved it 3 581

A tad overbearing

By nehadrihan - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Oceanside

Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 808

You deserved it 3 456

Self defence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 117

You deserved it 2 484

By uninvited - 04/02/2016 15:16 - United States - Boston

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 261

You deserved it 1 749

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 983

You deserved it 46 607

Next

Top comments

eviiee_fml 3

Monday 26 July 2010 9:02

this is a fml for the dog not you. poor puppy :(

ActionManly 11

Monday 26 July 2010 9:03

What a CAT-astrophe! Wait, wrong pun...

Comments

Young4ev3r 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:46

that sux >.<

Jsalcedo23 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:59

13- why do you say ydi to op for being sick? like op meant to get sick right??

MadMarioSkills 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:30

:C

Hairnomore 7

Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:40

It's funny if u imagine it

namesoo 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:50

fml for the puppy lolol

skyeyez9 24

Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:56

I almost hit a dog on the highway. I slammed the brakes and stopped about 2 ft from the dog. It took a few steps into the next lane (i was on a 4 lane hwy) and BAM the dog was hit by a car in that lane prob 70mph. I saw it and it made me cry and ruined my day. :( poor doggy

kitxxkat1408 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:46

omigodddd that poor puppy!!! all u ppl who think that's funny are gunna end up in jail sum day for hit and run

kitxxkat1408 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:48

I would have cried... I'm sensitive ...

xxtheman15xx 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 7:41

Lmao @19

nikki01 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:20

awwww poor puppy :'( giv ur dad the silent treatment

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Keywords

Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Smells Love Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Social Media Music Grieving Anniversary Boredom Abuse Ironic Intimacy Drunk Am I overreacting? Transportation AITA Alcohol Parents Gun control Kids

The Top

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 974

You deserved it 3 568

Today, I made my relationship with my boyfriend official. The guy who I liked, who'd ultimately friendzoned me, leaving me to find someone who would reciprocate my feelings, got irrationally angry at me. Didn’t he tell me just six months ago that we were “just friends”? Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 102

The Top

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 978

You deserved it 24 929

Today, after being unemployed for the last year, I finally got an interview. When they asked me my favorite pastime, I panicked and said, "Dancing with my cat." I guess I won’t be hearing from them anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 574

You deserved it 1 119

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 571

You deserved it 41 813

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years decided on New Year's Eve to get on his knees and tell me that he cheated on me with his ex, and they're getting back together. Yay last day of 2020! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 96

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 979

You deserved it 1 556

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 543

You deserved it 20 194