ACAB, Cops and Intimacy: Insult to adultery - FML

Insult to adultery

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 099

You deserved it 7 724

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Same thing different taste

By singlesoon - 25/08/2009 04:26 - Canada

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 739

You deserved it 7 152

It's sus to us

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 436

You deserved it 4 496

WHO ARE YOU?

By Targeted - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Kirkland

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 188

You deserved it 2 892

Sigma mindset

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 900

You deserved it 5 637

By allocomrade - 29/07/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also confessed that she has been cheating on me with my best friend for 10 years. I appreciated the honesty, but was slightly upset considering we have only been married for 9 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 694

You deserved it 3 260

Suspect

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 402

You deserved it 2 849

By InTheDoghouse23 - 24/08/2009 21:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 854

You deserved it 59 343

By Alex - 05/02/2016 22:55 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 090

You deserved it 2 977

By cuppincake - 19/10/2023 16:04 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I decided to tell my husband our marriage was over after I found out that he'd not only been stealing from me, but he'd also been downloading child porn. He then asked if we could break up but live in the same house so I could help pay his bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 353

You deserved it 3 509

Hungover

By RedheadA - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 652

You deserved it 3 696

Next

Top comments

Sekkaichi 12

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:10

I'm guessing he wants you out of the picture.

dramaelf 37

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:11

Wow. No donuts for him.

Comments

mr_jack_meoff 5

Tuesday 18 June 2013 11:34

Can't blame the cop, gotta blame the whorish wife, if not the cop, someone else would be slopping around in your ****.

Aregonde 15

Tuesday 18 June 2013 18:49

Sexist twat.

Citronnelle_fml 9

Tuesday 18 June 2013 12:13

Are you by any chance R. Kelly? What is this, some hip-hop opera?

graphicstyle7 17

Tuesday 18 June 2013 16:09

Perhaps it's time to start leading a life where the words "arrested twice" are not said except in referring to the distant past. Having said that, I'm not sure if I can blame your wife for wanting to trade up.

flyersfan345 5

Tuesday 18 June 2013 17:36

Kick him to shit.

BunBunBabe 8

Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:28

Use that as evidence- against the officer. That's harassment. Sue the state and get him in jail

sameboysamesame 11

Tuesday 18 June 2013 19:56

Lol! this reminded me of trapped in the closet...

rlTlk 13

Tuesday 18 June 2013 21:39

You might be able to get your charges thrown out based in that right? I'd definitely think so, talk to a lawyer.

brandoneyez1 25

Wednesday 19 June 2013 0:53

I think you need a couple lawyers stat!

sailorarctic 22

Wednesday 19 June 2013 1:10

she had to pay your bail somehow. unless you were arrested twice for domestic abuse in which case YDI.

1000suns 1

Wednesday 19 June 2013 2:01

Cops are assholes OP!

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Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Kids Parenting DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, I was finishing a conversation with my husband. His phone rang, but he didn't take it. He said, "No, the guy said he was going to call me at 11:30 and it's 11:36. I'll call him in 3 minutes." It was then I realized that I have been the subject of this type of petty control for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 100

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 9 781

The Top

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 411

You deserved it 30 209

Today, I went to the store and ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in years. We chatted a little, and just as I was leaving he grabbed his mobile phone. Later, I added him on Facebook. Turns out the last thing he posted was a picture of my back saying: "Look who got even fatter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 302

You deserved it 4 431

Today, I mustered up the courage to take a dump in a public toilet so I went to the disabled toilet in our university library. I did my thing, the flush didn't work, I pulled the red string thinking it would do something and a buzzer started ringing throughout the whole university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 2 374

Today, I got fired from my new job. It was the start of my third week, and I got fired for not opening the store. The manager forgot to give me keys to open the store, and was two hours late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 83

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 124

You deserved it 5 542

Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 342

You deserved it 1 596